I need help, prayers, advice. I’m supposed to be hosting my hubby’s family for Christmas dinner for the first time since we’ve been married (2 years). I’m super excited as it’s been quite the year with health issues and various situations. Anyway- I’m excited or I was until this week. My SIL has been messaging me and telling me what she thinks we should have for a meal. She wants the turkey dinner. Ok fine. There’s 4 of us ladies who will bring food. Then she messages and she’ll bring all of it except one side dish, cranberry sauce and the drinks. I’m like what?! There’s 3 others who are quite capable to bring some of the other dishes. I gently convinced her that she didn’t need to bring all of that, considering she has kids and lives 20 mins away. Then last evening she asked me what time is dinner? I told her what we were thinking. She said that when she hosts she found that time to be the best time to eat but we should tell others to come earlier. In my mind I’m thinking- does she think I’m inadequate or something? I haven’t had too many parties lately but growing up my family hosted a lot. I’m familiar around the kitchen as I helped cook for camps, my mom taught me how to cook and such. I’m about ready to say forget it except of course it’s too last minute. I don’t know what to say or do but honestly I feel like a child in her eyes. I’m older than she is not that that matters but I have had more experience in the kitchen than she has. Don’t get me wrong she’s a good cook and baker, etc. I just don’t know how to respond to her. It’s definitely taken the joy out of hosting. She’s not one to take a ‘talking’ to well. I just don’t get it at all. Any advice on how to deal with this? She is one to get offended easily. I don’t want to break the relationship.
8 comments
let her do and say what she wants really just do what you’re gonna do let her have a bunch of leftovers. “hey all that is really not necessary we agreed on what was happening earlier! just bringing yourself is a gift!” if you have to say anything.
She sounds controlling.
But well, you can always listen to her opinion, but not necessarily follow her opinion. Just listen, say thank you, and tell her you will evaluate the situation and change the plans if it’s needed. And do what you think makes more sense. Don’t overthink it. Some people are just too used to keep control of everything and are harder to deal with, but so far it sounds still manageable.
What were you planning to make? What did you want others to bring? Have you communicated those plans, and asked others to bring things?
Are the men not contributing?
Is this your husband’s sister or his sibling’s wife?u
In any case she is woefully lacking in social skills and manners.
She is a guest in your home. I will tell you now (and I know it is too late) that this is why you don’t let people get involved or bring dishes when you host a holiday. Between the flakes, the incompetent, and the assholes, they will make it a lot harder than just hosting it all yourself.
People like this need to be handed with a heavy hand. It is too late for you to tell her that the menu is set and it is not what she thinks should be served. However, it is critical that you serve a second main dish that is more apealling than turkey – which is basically every main dish. I would make a prime rib. Then add a highly appealing side – potato dauphinoise or something like that. Do not tell her any of that in advance.
Send a group invitation via text with YOUR start time. It is important that the start time is NOT what she has tried to dictate.
It’s pretty important that you offend her and that you do not acknowledge her issue or her feelings. Kill her with kindness. Stay away from her. And do not give an inch. Make sure your husband is completely on board.
For instance if she asks why there’s prime rib tell her that you and your husband are so happy to share a traditional meal from your childhood. If she makes a negative remark literally act as if you haven’t heard it and say “we love prime rib!” Whatever she says or does just act like you just can’ hear any negativity.
And have a very Merry Christmas!!
Simple. Tell her what you are making, what time to arrive, and what time dinner will be served. Ask her if she’s willing to bring a salad or desert.
This isn’t a conversation or discussion you’re having with her. It’s you telling her that YOU are hosting and making Christmas dinner, and IF she wants to contribute then you’d love if she could bring a salad or desert.
Assume she has good intentions, communicate the plan to everyone. Then communicate it again. And pray that no one will be so distracted with the preparations that they miss the point of Christmas celebrations.
Give her a call and tell her you would like to go over your plan.
She may be giving you good advice from her experiences with the family.
She also may be a person who likes to have things (like the menu) settled early.
She may also enjoy cooking. And prefers her own turkey to other people’s.
She may also know that the other women don’t like to cook, are
physically unable to cook but will anyways if asked (my mom and my M-I-L). Or they will arrive with a half finished dish and disrupt things as you are approaching meal time.
So send a text and an email to all the people who may help.
– what time dinner will be served
– the menu, and ask if anyone has a special request or wants to bring one of the dishes.
– a list of things people who don’t cook can bring (if that is a thing in your husbands family) : wine, beer, iced tea, soda, purchased dinner rolls, napkins, etc.
Confirm the time with anyone you haven’t heard from after the text and email.
Why are you letting her get away with it?
Tell her what you’re having for dinner at what time and to bring some wine of snacks if she wants to contribute