Hello, I'm new here and desperately looking for advice.
Background:
My girl and me got together 8 years ago – married for 3 years now.
We had plenty of sex back then.
About 2 years into the relationship, my (at that time) girlfriend saw pictures and videos of my ex girlfriends on google photos (MANY years before we got together). I didn't even use google photos at that time anymore, so I didn't know, the pictures where still there.
Additionally she found out, I'm watching porn like….. I guess most of all the other males…
She got very low self esteem at that time, even though she is a clear 9+ even without makeup or "proper" dressing.
Right after she found out about the stuff mentioned before, she wanted to break up, because she couldn't handle me seeing other girls naked but we were able to turn things around and become happy together again.
"Surprisingly" sex became rarer and rarer. From Several times a week, to several times a month, to maybe once a month.
She started to feel pain while having sex and other health issues – from now on, I will call them "excuses", you'll find out why soon.
Everytime I made a step towards having sexytime, she came up with another excuse – starting with the classics like headache, stomach ache, period, being tired, etc.
I have to mention, that until that point, it was ALWAYS me who had to make the first step in the bed, she NEVER got up to me herself, which …. since we were a "young" couple didn't bother me much, I just wasn't used to it in my former relationships. I always had plenty of sex, many one night stands, etc. but it got to a point, where I was annoyed by that behavior and I tried to talk to her about that.
More "excuses" came up – I don't help her with the household, I never listen to her, she can't talk to me, I'm not supporting her, etc.
I changed things, helped her a lot more, sit together with her and listened to her truthfully.
After several sex-free months, I asked her, if I'm doing anything wrong, since I did what she was missing but we still weren't progressing sexwise. More reasons came up, like….. stress at work, not being able to relax while having sex, etc.
ok.
After about 4 years of being together, we had sex like 3-4 times a year. I became frustrated and told her about it.
She stated something I will never forget — "I don't need sex to be happy and I'm sorry that I can't give you what you need"
I didn't understand – we had much sex the first years and suddenly this?
Things went on, she always wanted to have kids but several doctors told her, she isn't able to get some.
After the second time that year we had sex, she suddenly became pregnant and we were happy as fuck but also the sex life went to zero.
Our daughter now is 3 years old and since pregnancy (4 years ago) we had 7 times sex.
At this point, I'm desperate and frustrated, I'd never cheat on her or something in that direction, I don't want to leave her and especially my daughter, but I feel like I'm giving her everything she needs and not getting back the "only things" that I need.
Talking doesn't help or change anything and she also isn't up for a sexual therapist… and everytime I bring that topic up, her only reaction is "I don't need it, if it is so important to you, look for another woman and let's divorce"
Does reddit have ANY advice for me?