How does feminism change once you’re in a relationship? And how do you balance the tension between traditional roles vs feminist theory?
December 18, 2025
Feminism means different things to different people. classical theory defines it as social, political, and economic equality of all genders.
21 comments
It doesn’t change. For me it’s always meant “to strive for equality”. I’m also queer…so traditional gender roles don’t affect me haha
There’s no difference between my ability to chose how I live my life before being married vs now. There’s no difference in my belief that all people should be treated equally and offered equal opportunity. My husband and I are partners in everything, we share the load of our life financially, emotionally and domestically.
I dont date imbeciles (and mostly dont date men for this reason lol), so it doesnt change.
Feminism doesn’t change when you’re in a relationship. But it should affect what you expect out of a relationship. Your partner should treat you as an equal. You should find ways to balance the mental, financial, and physical load between each other. And if it’s important to you that your partner shares your your beliefs, you would only remain with someone who is also a feminist.
It doesn’t. My husband and I are in a partnership. There will be times he takes on more and other times where I do. We both work and earn income for our household and treat each other with respect. He never expected me to be a trad wife or SAHM and he’s my hype man when I’m not feeling super confident about something. I wouldn’t have married someone who expected me to confirm to traditional gender norms.
For me it doesn’t change. My (male) exes however loved the theory of feminism but once we moved in together they suddenly thought I should be responsible for all the cooking and most of the cleaning with them “helping out” when explicitly asked.
I’m very traditional, like to be taken in hand and have someone lead me but don’t view this as a contradiction as long as this is my free choice and I have alternatives.
What a strange question. Why would it change?
I guess it looks like I 59F handle the bills, investing, travel, etc. Brain work my husband calls it, and he 65M handles the household, brawn work as he calls it. We support and don’t limit each other in any wishes, dreams, interests we have. Without traditional gender norms.
why would it change? Feminism, to me, is the recognition that women are not equal to men under the law on a societal level. Intersectional feminism recognizes that inequity is worse for racialized women.
People who choose to treat relationships as purely transactional exchanges lack emotional depth and maturity.
I’m confused. Why would it change?
I think a big part of the pursuit of equality is self-determinism. So, I participate in this relationship in this way because I WANT to versus because I HAVE to. So, really, being in a heterosexual relationship should not change your practice of feminism. I think someone can certainly identify as a feminist even if they engage in more “traditional” roles… if that is their choosing and there isn’t a power differential enforcing those roles.
I’m not in a heterosexual relationship and I find that we both subvert heterosexual norms regularly. Feminism is something we discuss and practice a lot and we are always trying to uplift other women.
When you’re dependent on a man financially, you want him to out perform other women in the workplace he competes with. Suddenly your interests are aligned with favoring men in the workforce if you don’t work but your husband does.
It doesn’t change. And for daily lives issues it helps to communicate with your partner. Probably also helps to not date somebody who thinks woman belong in the kitchen.
[removed]
I consider myself a feminist, but as I’ve got older, I started to notice a trend of where “feminist theory” and “feminism in reality” clash.
Here’s what I mean. I’ve started to notice how feminism actually shows up in relationships, especially heterosexual ones. I’ve seen friends who were once staunch feminists, arguing that they are equal to a man (ie. independence, pay for their own meals, find their own careers, and define their own life, rejecting gender expectations etc.). But once they enter a committed relationship with a man, there seems to be a sudden reversal: economic provider shifts to man, “male” responsibilities suddenly emerge, and fulfilling the role of a traditional housewife is glamorized. it seems confusing when there is the advocacy for equality in some contexts (workplace, pay, shared household responsibilities), while at the same time adhering to traditional roles (man acts as provider, gendered responsibilities), depending on what feels more convenient at the time. Is it really possible to uphold these traditional gender roles while still rooting for gender equality. This has really got me rethinking the whole concept of feminism and how its definition have changed so much since its origins in the 1800s
Feminism in a relationship is about mutual respect and equality.
I’ve always just continued being myself, whether single or in a relationship with a man or with a woman. I don’t care what any particular school of thought believes I ought to be doing. Extremely traditional and conservative gender roles, radical feminism, or anything anywhere in between. I only have relationships with people who are fine with me being me. I truly just don’t think about any of it and follow my instincts and create an individual dynamic with my partner that works in a way that’s comfortable for both of us. And I’ve never been with anyone who’s expected me to change what I do or don’t do as a woman.
Feminism is the belief that all people regardless of gender have equal rights and autonomy. You are not any less of a feminist for being in a relationship.
One of my friends was devastated to tell us she was getting married. She said planning a wedding and taking her husband’s last name made her feel like a “bad feminist.” I asked if she was choosing her spouse and name of her own free will and desire. She said yes. I said, “Congrats, you’re a feminist.”
The idea that women are any less because of their choices is in exact opposition of feminism. I have feminist friends who are SAHMs and mothers. They are also child-free and have their doctorate. Because they had the freedom to make those choices.
Feminism didn’t change for me once I was in a relationship, it just became more practical. It’s less about rigid roles and more about choice, communication, and mutual respect. If we choose something that looks traditional, that’s still feminist because it’s intentional, not assumed. 🤷🏻♀️
21 comments
It doesn’t change. For me it’s always meant “to strive for equality”. I’m also queer…so traditional gender roles don’t affect me haha
There’s no difference between my ability to chose how I live my life before being married vs now. There’s no difference in my belief that all people should be treated equally and offered equal opportunity. My husband and I are partners in everything, we share the load of our life financially, emotionally and domestically.
I dont date imbeciles (and mostly dont date men for this reason lol), so it doesnt change.
Feminism doesn’t change when you’re in a relationship. But it should affect what you expect out of a relationship. Your partner should treat you as an equal. You should find ways to balance the mental, financial, and physical load between each other. And if it’s important to you that your partner shares your your beliefs, you would only remain with someone who is also a feminist.
It doesn’t. My husband and I are in a partnership. There will be times he takes on more and other times where I do. We both work and earn income for our household and treat each other with respect. He never expected me to be a trad wife or SAHM and he’s my hype man when I’m not feeling super confident about something. I wouldn’t have married someone who expected me to confirm to traditional gender norms.
For me it doesn’t change. My (male) exes however loved the theory of feminism but once we moved in together they suddenly thought I should be responsible for all the cooking and most of the cleaning with them “helping out” when explicitly asked.
I’m very traditional, like to be taken in hand and have someone lead me but don’t view this as a contradiction as long as this is my free choice and I have alternatives.
What a strange question. Why would it change?
I guess it looks like I 59F handle the bills, investing, travel, etc. Brain work my husband calls it, and he 65M handles the household, brawn work as he calls it. We support and don’t limit each other in any wishes, dreams, interests we have. Without traditional gender norms.
why would it change? Feminism, to me, is the recognition that women are not equal to men under the law on a societal level. Intersectional feminism recognizes that inequity is worse for racialized women.
People who choose to treat relationships as purely transactional exchanges lack emotional depth and maturity.
I’m confused. Why would it change?
I think a big part of the pursuit of equality is self-determinism. So, I participate in this relationship in this way because I WANT to versus because I HAVE to. So, really, being in a heterosexual relationship should not change your practice of feminism. I think someone can certainly identify as a feminist even if they engage in more “traditional” roles… if that is their choosing and there isn’t a power differential enforcing those roles.
I’m not in a heterosexual relationship and I find that we both subvert heterosexual norms regularly. Feminism is something we discuss and practice a lot and we are always trying to uplift other women.
When you’re dependent on a man financially, you want him to out perform other women in the workplace he competes with. Suddenly your interests are aligned with favoring men in the workforce if you don’t work but your husband does.
It doesn’t change. And for daily lives issues it helps to communicate with your partner. Probably also helps to not date somebody who thinks woman belong in the kitchen.
[removed]
I consider myself a feminist, but as I’ve got older, I started to notice a trend of where “feminist theory” and “feminism in reality” clash.
Here’s what I mean. I’ve started to notice how feminism actually shows up in relationships, especially heterosexual ones. I’ve seen friends who were once staunch feminists, arguing that they are equal to a man (ie. independence, pay for their own meals, find their own careers, and define their own life, rejecting gender expectations etc.). But once they enter a committed relationship with a man, there seems to be a sudden reversal: economic provider shifts to man, “male” responsibilities suddenly emerge, and fulfilling the role of a traditional housewife is glamorized. it seems confusing when there is the advocacy for equality in some contexts (workplace, pay, shared household responsibilities), while at the same time adhering to traditional roles (man acts as provider, gendered responsibilities), depending on what feels more convenient at the time. Is it really possible to uphold these traditional gender roles while still rooting for gender equality. This has really got me rethinking the whole concept of feminism and how its definition have changed so much since its origins in the 1800s
Feminism in a relationship is about mutual respect and equality.
I’ve always just continued being myself, whether single or in a relationship with a man or with a woman. I don’t care what any particular school of thought believes I ought to be doing. Extremely traditional and conservative gender roles, radical feminism, or anything anywhere in between. I only have relationships with people who are fine with me being me. I truly just don’t think about any of it and follow my instincts and create an individual dynamic with my partner that works in a way that’s comfortable for both of us. And I’ve never been with anyone who’s expected me to change what I do or don’t do as a woman.
Feminism is the belief that all people regardless of gender have equal rights and autonomy. You are not any less of a feminist for being in a relationship.
One of my friends was devastated to tell us she was getting married. She said planning a wedding and taking her husband’s last name made her feel like a “bad feminist.” I asked if she was choosing her spouse and name of her own free will and desire. She said yes. I said, “Congrats, you’re a feminist.”
The idea that women are any less because of their choices is in exact opposition of feminism. I have feminist friends who are SAHMs and mothers. They are also child-free and have their doctorate. Because they had the freedom to make those choices.
Feminism didn’t change for me once I was in a relationship, it just became more practical. It’s less about rigid roles and more about choice, communication, and mutual respect. If we choose something that looks traditional, that’s still feminist because it’s intentional, not assumed. 🤷🏻♀️