I’m looking for some outside perspective.
I had a 3-year relationship with my ex during university(6 years ago). We ended on good terms and stayed respectful and occasionally supportive of each other over the years.
She now has a partner and a child. My mother is babysitting for her and lives in their home (that’s another story which does not bother me at all). My ex autoinvited to come with her partner, and their child to visit us over Christmas and stay for a few nights at the childhood house ( mine and my mother s house ) where we will spend the Christmas. I declined a few times but my mother still did not tell them a definetly no, and accepted their invitation till this night as I gave my mother an ultimatum and told her I will not go home by Christmas if they come because the context didn’t feel quite right: I’m single, and the idea of my ex visiting with her family ( husband and kid) during Christmas, in my home, for several nights felt emotionally complicated and potentially awkward for everyone involved.
After saying no, I started feeling some regret and second-guessing myself, not because I want anything romantic, but because I value connection and wondered if I was being overly rigid.
I get well with her husband and with her but seems super emotional, socially awkward and invading my space, her being with her husband and 1 year kid, could trigger a lot of emotions. A part of me wanted to spend the time with them but still my intuition always said no.
I’m trying to understand whether this was a healthy boundary or if I overthought it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you tell the difference between a protective boundary and unnecessary avoidance?
Thanks for any honest perspectives.
TL;DR:
My ex (we dated for 3 years) wants to come to my house for Christmas with her husband and their 1-year-old child because my mom currently lives with them. I’m not emotionally upset, but the situation feels awkward and inappropriate to me, so I set a boundary. Am I overreacting?