I'm with this amazing woman who loves me (for some reason that's beyond me).
The thing is, I've done the whole dating thing and went on 100+ dates, and I know what's out there and that nobody really wants to be with me or is willing to put up with me. I rarely get a 2nd date, although I have had a few 1-2 month stints.
I do have my life together. Healthy, fit, tall, good money, house, car, average looking.
I'm aware of the main reason that it's hard for me to find a relationship and it's because of lack of friends, which is beyond my control. I've had friends as a kid and adult but always found it hard to maintain relationships as I for some reason have no desire for it. Also, I think my personality just repels a lot of people if I'm being honest cause I can be argumentative, correct people, and annoying. Please don't tell me to work on that because I have zero desire to and have come to peace with that part of my life.
I do enjoy spending time with her and love her. The thing is I don't love her as much as I did my ex and another woman I dated short term and that feeling was so amazing that it's hard for me to ignore having felt that way before. It was obviously only on my end and not mutual, cause they ended it with me.
So maybe I'm holding on to this feeling that was completely unjustified and fake.
I know with almost 100% certainty that I will not find someone better because I've seen what's out there and that I am a lot more miserable alone than with her. Also I see the way she looks at me and obsessed with me and it makes me feel guilty that I don't feel as passionate about her as well.
Has anyone else had this problem? It's oddly specific but worth a shot I guess since I'm not sure what to do.