My SD (stepdad) (52M) has been married to my mom (43F) for about 5 years now, and I (18F) have always had a problem arguing with him as well as my other siblings (17M) (15F) (13F). He argues non-stop over very pointless and small things like differing religious, political, and lifestyle opinions. All while trying to force his own opinions onto us because he believes that's "what's right." How do i get away from this? And how do I make it easier on my siblings who have to live here?
Buckle down everyone, today is gonna be a long one.
Hey guys, little background info here. So while my mom and my biological dad were still married about 6 years ago, my mom had become close with her supervisor. ( aka. my stepdad ) It got to the point where he was coming over late at night, sleeping on our couch while my dad was at work, and bringing us places with him. He was also married at the time. He started playing father to us immediately, which we obviously had a problem with considering our dad was not absent at the time, and him and my mom would even threaten not to tell my dad. I instantly did not like him. My siblings and I protested this, but my mom didnt care and just kept him coming over more, swearing he was just a friend.
Not even a year after my parents divorce, my mom and my SD got married. Another issue. And that brings us all the way to today. Ever since then, after what they had done to my dad, i swore i would never like this man. And since my biological dad recently passed away a little over 2 years ago, it makes everything worse.
My SD is a "pastor" and is loved by all (apparently.) He is a very religious, conservative, trump supporter with a need to be heard no matter the context. He makes it his goal to get loud in any situation, put himself out there in ANY way possible, and argues with any sort of differing opinion. He has a very big problem when hes not the center of attention. Now i want to make it clear, i am not a terribly political person, nor do i have a hate or dislike of other political opinions, but i judge my opinion by my own morality. Which just so happens to be left side-leaning. He has a HUGE issue with this. Same for any religion. I was raised religious, but dont claim to currently fall under a certain religion. I am still uncertain and finding my way.
About the arguing. When he argues he will cut you off, speak over you the entire time, start unwanted arguments, continue the arguments for HOURS even when you ask him not to or dont engage, go from zero to one-hundred in a millisecond, not listen to your opinion, come in with personal cutdowns and insults, start these loud arguments in public settings, wont stop even if my mom is yelling at him telling him to, and he will get in your face like a drill sergeant. He has even threatened me with physical action before. He will start these for any reasons even if its as small as a dissagreement with his beliefs. He has, for some reason, an obsession with bringing up the men i have been with in the past or my sx life that my mom told him about after coming to her privately. He will say things like "you love those boys more than your mother," or, "thats all youre good for is being with those boys," or, "no wonder so many men leave you. Hes also said things like, "dont talk about me when you give it up to any boy who treats you right." Or calls me easy etc. He will say this without any mention of the topic previously. He just uses it as a cutdown. As young as the age of 12 he has called me stupid, a idiot, a whre, a tr*mp. He has called me nasty, immature, childish, a cry baby, selfish, racist, told me i had a "hateful heart," told me i was evil, and told me that i "hate" my mother and that i "hate" God. These things were said without being provoked. Just because i wouldnt listen to him or didnt agree with his politics.
He has done things on his own like taken my door off the hinges, taken my car, taken my phone, taken my mattress, come into my room and taken my stuff off the walls and destroying it, put my job at risk, he stands by my door at night listening to me talk on the phone, has taken things that bring me comfort (my guitars, painting supplies, nail supplies, etc), and refuses to let me have a private conversation with my own mother if hes not involved in some way.
As ive gotten older i have learned to not engage with his arguments, but i cant help it when he jumps my little sisters and brothers sh*t over very small things, neither can my other family. He does not listen to my mom and has brainwashed her into agreeing with him and standing by with everything he does. She has always put him over my siblings and i.
What do i do? Its impossible not to argue with him because he will continue it and not allow me to walk out of one because he says im "closing a door in his face." I really just dont know what to do. Its incredibly stressful and im at my witts end. I cant even speak to my own mother seperately. Any advice would be greatly appreciated to stop the constant, every day arguing.
Thanks guys:p
TL;DR My stepdad (M52) is very controlling and argumentative to the extreme over things like politics and religion. He will not stop arguing with my family. He has gone to the extreme with things like unfair punishments and controlling behavior. He is borderline emotionally absive and will argue in public and for hours leaving us no out. He is affecting our lives horrible and has been for years. He will make very hateful and mean comments to us when arguing like bringing up my love and sx life as a personal cutdown. What do i do to keep my siblings out of it?