So i’ve been doing some reading and feel like I need a little more updated views on the concept of raw sex.

My bf (25) and I (24) have been speaking on the topic of sex and he’s been warning me that he only wants to do it raw, no condom. It’s a bit concerning as I’m a virgin while he’s not. Of course I plan on getting him tested at some point but the real concern is the possibility of another human coming to be. He says he’ll pull out in time but that’s definitely not a 100% guarantee.

I’m not super educated on the topic of sex due to the county, religion and culture i grew up in so if it’s possible, some advice on whether i should just risk it for his happiness or convince him that condoms are the better option would be appreciated. I know that BC exists but i honestly have no idea how it works and which ones are effective or not so if i can be offered any advice on that, that would be helpful.

Looking forward to any advice offered! Thanks.


49 comments

  1. If you’re not 100% on board with his suggestion then he should understand. If he doesn’t then I would say you have the answer you need. It should be special, sacred, & safe.

  2. >He says he’ll pull out in time but that’s definitely not a 100% guarantee.

    Correct.

    Is raw sex worth the risk? Would you like to have a mini-me right now at 25/26 years old that you hopefully can financially and emotionally raise with your partner of however long?

    btw the fact he says he only wants to do it raw is such bs

  3. It’s concerning that it’s your first time and the only thing he’s concerned about if it feels *slightly* better for his penis, and he’s willing to risk your health to get it. And if that’s his attitude, I can’t imagine the sex is going to be in any way pleasurable for you.

  4. Please don’t do this. Tell him to use condom or no sex. Its not only ab ur health but also – do u want to be pregnant? Are u ready? Even if u pull out u can be pregnant tell him to educate. Using condom doesn’t hurt or idk have side effects like birth control so why he dont want to? Remember if u get pregnant he can run away u cant. Take care and please do reaserch before making sex

  5. This is one sure way to ruin your life. “Pulling out” is a strategy for people that desperately want unwanted children. And with his “I need raw sex” I wonder if he will be that responsible father figure. 

    You could consider the birth control pill I guess …

  6. The pull out method is great, if you want to make babies. If not you should insist on using condoms, or other birth control methods.

  7. So pulling out really isn’t enough. It only takes one sperms getting through. Ultimately, it’s your choice, but even with a condom there’s risk. Make sure you are comfortable with whatever you do. Plan B shouldn’t replace birth control, and while raw sex does feel different the only one who should be making the call of if it’s worth it is YOU. Be safe and be assertive.

  8. Very much getting red flags here 🚩🚩🚩. He’s pressuring/manipulating you to have raw sex. Thats a full stop for me and reevaluate if this person really has your best interests in mind… or just their orgasms.

    Pull out method isn’t birth control it’s hopes and dreams ffs. If you’re not on some sort of birth control and you go raw there is a chance you’ll get pregnant. Don’t be like a friend of mine whose first told her she couldn’t get pregnant on her first time.. she did. Be safe 🫶

  10. Red flag!! Let him die on his hill. He is pressuring you into unprotected sex without even offering to get tested first. Don’t trust him. Such a weird hill to die on. Especially knowing that you’re a virgin and anxious about the whole thing. Please don’t do it. Respect yourself and your body. Also, this is such an easy way to get baby trapped. Don’t let it happen!

    If you must do it his way, at least go get an IUD—something he can’t tamper with.

  11. Do not sleep with this guy. He’s 100% a fucking dirtbag.

    Unprotected sex when you’re not on BC is a *terrible* idea and he’s taking advantage of the fact that you’re inexperienced.

  12. The so called “pull out method” is crap. You can easily get pregnant if you are a littl ebit unlucky. If you’re truly going to have sex for the first time and it being without a condom, and if you don’t want kids, get on birth control.

    Also it is very weird for him to refuse to use a condom when it is your first time. He should care about the fact that you worry about this, and he should also want to be safe.

  13. Since you clearly do not want to get pregnant or get an STI, be very firm and don’t get in bed with him until this is all settled clearly.
    No intercourse without birth control (and the withdrawal method does not count). So you need some other form, and condoms are the simplest, even if they suck. Almost every other option requires you to go visit a doctor and take some prep time. STIs are a secondary concern, and most birth control besides condoms are useless against them.
    So start with condoms. I hate them too, but in this situation, he either waits until you have an alternate established form of birth control AND he’s been tested, or he uses condoms. If he won’t use them, no sex.

  15. He is basically insisting that you should take hormonal birth control (I know that you did not write that, but this is what your post is implying given that you don’t want to get pregnant) so that he can have more fun because yes it feels better for both, women and men. My girlfriend (she’s a doctor) would say that hormonal BC can mess you up pretty badly – enough that none of my female friends would take it. Now I know that there are plenty of people out there who are fine with taking it and have no to almost no side effects. In the end, it is still egoistic from him that he forces you into that by saying that he won’t do it with a condom.

    Pulling out is not a safe method. Precum can contain sperm, and although the science on this topic is contradictory, there is enough anecdotal evidence that pulling out is not a safe method when you want to prevent pregnancy.

    Especially if you’re not super well educated, be careful. Knowledge in this matter is power.

    So if I were you I’d tell your boyfriend to use a condom because otherwise it won’t happen because you don’t want to mess with your natural hormonal dynamics and while you as a woman, bleeding once a month, probably even having cramps and so on, already bare enough, he can take some fucking responsibility and put on a condom like Billions of other people do.

  16. Raw does feel better for me (and, I assume, men) but I don’t know how different it feels for women.

    Pulling out is one of the absolute worst forms of birth control. No form except pure abstinence is 100% reliable, though different methods have varying reliability. You’d do well to look up different forms of birth control and find one that you can agree on.

    And yeah, that assumes that you don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted infections, for which condoms are the best (and still not perfect) protection.

  18. This is a big HELL NO. Condoms until you feel it’s going somewhere and even then condoms. Until you’re 100% ready for a baby, condoms.

    I’m a dude and this is my rule. I straight up refuse sex if a girl wants me to take it off or not wear one.

  19. The most important thing is you do what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t want to have raw sex then you should just tell him no. And if he doesn’t respect that, then you break up with him and be glad that you saved yourself from a relationship where your bf is only thinking about himself. But to answer your questions in case you are comfortable with the idea of doing it raw…The pullout method is not an effective form of birth control. He should either wear a condom, or you should go on bc. It you don’t know much about bc your best bet is to talk to your doctor. But to give you a little information on some common methods, there is the pill, you take it everyday at the same time of day. It’s quite effective, however if you forget to take it, even just for one day, it might not be effective. There are also implants and iud devices that are long lasting and you won’t have to worry about forgetting anything. However they have their downsides as well

  20. Yes, raw sex feels better.

    Do you know what feels better than raw sex? Knowing I’m taking the proper precautions to not bring an unplanned child into the world.

    ++Man

  21. No its not worth the risk based on how you described everything. Its your first time and more importantly, you’re risking pregnancy. Now if you’re fine with getting pregnant then so be it. At least you plan on him getting tested assuming he’s truthful. But any guy that insists on raw sex like this should be totally suspect. Please dont be naive.

  22. Please please please use protection. If down the line he gets tested and YOU want to go without a condom get on some form of birth control. The pull out method is not a form of birth control.

  23. He has no risk of pregnancy, relative to you. He also has no risk of STIs relative to you.

    I do not think that you can trust him on the topic.

    It should be a simple thing to follow. No condoms, no sex.
    There are no other options that are as safe and effective for the prevention of STIs and preventing pregnancy.

    So

    If his unwilling to accept that, you should not be having sex with him.

  24. He’s putting what he wants in front of you safety and potentially life. Please don’t sleep with him!

  25. This sounds pretty much like a red flag, please don’t ignore it. I believe he at least gave you a reason why he doesn’t want to use a condom, and I believe the reason he gave can be talked out by finding a solution. Maybe he had a bad experience related to using condoms in the past? Maybe it’s a matter of religion? Or maybe he’s just selfish and manipulative, because forcing you into having raw sex is manipulation. Especially considering your lack of previous sexual experiences. Try to have a honest talk with him to understand what’s going on but don’t allow him to put yourself in a so dangerous situation such as having unprotected sex, you clearly know part of all the risks you’ll be taking. That doesn’t worth it.

  27. Honestly, a hard no. Not only because it’s a good idea to use them until you know the relationship is going somewhere etc etc, but simply because of the way he said it to you. He should be respectful of your boundaries and make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be – and that should be the bare minimum. The bar isn’t that high. And he should be especially making that effort since you haven’t had sex before. It kind of reads like someone willing to take advantage of the fact that you’re not as experienced as him. If ANYONE ever says raw sex or no sex, you don’t wanna have sex with them, pick no sex. Even if you’d have been fine with raw sex, if they don’t respect you enough to give you that option, then you don’t wanna be having sex with them.

  28. If you’re interested in birth control, I would highly recommend checking out Dr. Sarah Hills work or her book Your Brain on Birth Control before taking a synthetic progesterone product.

    As for the pull out method, it’s not exactly the most effective. I have a friend that practices it… he’s got 5 kids. You’re better off cycle tracking than the pull out method.

  29. I mean besides getting him tested and pulling out in time. It’s a million dollar mistake if you’re not ready. I always wear a condom and yes we have done it a few times without but I’m sweating bullets for a bit. Plus her periods are 3-6months apart. I’ll sacrifice a little pleasure to not have a kid, because we are not in a position for one nor do we really want them.

  31. This guy will sleep with you and will eventually break up with you once he’s gotten what he wants. He’s a massive red flag. Making it seem like he’s doing YOU a favour, when it’s the other way around. He’s extremely selfish and verrrry manipulative.

    IDGAF if he “waited” to have sex with you. You don’t owe him raw sex or a child. fyi, he won’t stick around if you do end up pregnant.

    This man child is thinking of his pleasure and his pleasure only.

    See the red flags and walkkkkk. What a weird hill for him to die on. But it should tell you everything. You might not see it now, but eventually you will.

  32. Guy here, and I generally abstain from joining these threads but this guy is a giant red flag. Doesn’t seem concerned about you at all. I’m not saying you should break it off but definitely don’t let this guy pressure you.

  34. The pull out method is how I became an auntie. (I’m so lucky his baby mama told me this information. /s)

    Birth control and condoms are not 100%, but if you use both together, your chances are statistically higher of not getting pregnant.

    If you do decide to get on birth control pills, it does take some time for it to build up at your system. You have to take it consistently every single day at the exact same time. If you skip pills, you can get pregnant.

    There are other methods like getting an implant or a shot that are less maintenance, but they do have side effects. I would highly suggest researching every method of birth control and see if that is a viable option to you. Some women can deal with it, and some women have bad side effects and they cannot.

    Also, I am concerned that your boyfriend is pushing the no condom method on you because you’re a virgin. That kind of seems shady to me.

    One more thing. This is your body and your potential future, so do not let somebody talk you into doing something that you don’t want to, and if you do put a boundary up, do not be afraid to walk away. His happiness does not override your own health and safety and your own happiness.

  36. So looking at some other comments, Reddit is very fond of demonizing men.

    Lets look at this from your angle as a GF and assume the simplest explanation instead: he dumb and isn’t thinking it through cuz he read somewhere that raw is just _so much better_, so he’s now trying to convince you. He’s not a bad guy, he’s inexperienced, as are you, and is probably not thinking it through. Hormones absolutely get in the way of clear thought.

    This doesn’t mean he’s invalidating your concerns, but inexperience can lead you to not consider a great many factors.

    Try this: Have sex (handjob, both masturbate alone or together, whatever, no penetration) together and make sure both you and he cum. That way both of you have a clear head.

    Then, immediately ask him to give you a plan for the worst possible scenario for the both of you. How will he handle if you or him get an infection that takes years to treat, and sex is off the table for those years? Is there money for this? How will you handle a baby, and just assume the baby will happen despite his precautions. Are you both ready? Is he willing to take care of it?

    Talk like it’s GOING to happen and what you would do when it does. Make him run the numbers and consider your risks, and his.

    If he comes up with a solid plan for all of it, and is ready to have kids and take care of you in sickness and in health, only THEN should you even consider looking at this proposal. Then you decide what YOU want. Do you want to risk STDs? Are you guys exclusive? Do you want to raise a kid even if he does?

    If the answer all of these questions from the both of you is YES, and you _both_ want to be tested and show proof you’re clean, THEN you kids can go ahead and have fun with the pullout method.

    Bareback can be incredible, but no bareback is worth a life sentence. But also, not everyone suggesting it, and not considering all angles, is a manipulative bastard trying to rape you and violate your limits.

  37. So I’m a M(25) and I’m going to tell you right now, do not have sex with this idiot. Pulling out isn’t 100% effective EVEN IF YOU SUCCESSFULLY PULL OUT. He has no thoughts about your feelings on you on YOUR FIRST TIME. It’s a very special event and not one to have with someone that doesn’t care about you or doesn’t care if he knocks you up with a baby or not.

    If you insist on having sex with him it’s YOUR choice to use protection and he HAS to adhere to that. Also leave a light on and make sure he always has the condom on, some guys will take it off and not tell you. In my country taking the condom off or pretending to use protection is considered rape and people still do it.

    In my opinion, this guy isn’t worth the possibility of pushing a 9 inch wide head through your vagina in 9 months time.

  38. Definitely have him get tested before anything. If he doesn’t want to, then you should absolutely not go raw. Also do not force yourself to have unprotected sex if you don’t want to. This is your first time and sex is supposed to be comfortable and safe for both parties involved.

    As for birth control, the pull out method is probably the least effective as pre-cum can still leak out before ejaculation and might contain sperm that would get you pregnant. For the actual birth control methods, all of them are effective to varying degrees, but I would say they are all reliable and it really depends on what works better for you. The most common (aside from the condom) are the pill and the IUD (copper or hormonal). There’s different types of pill that have either progesterone, estrogen or a combination of both, which alter your body’s hormonal production and prevent pregnancy when you’re taking them regularly as prescribed (usually every day at the same hour). Since it’s hormonal, it can have negative side effects. Personally, I was on the pill for around a year and it made me fucking crazy, so I had to stop.

    For IUDs, there’s two types; hormonal and copper. They basically insert this little double hooked device inside of your uterus (insertion is very painful as they need to clamp your cervix open, and makes you bleed for a couple days). But once you’re done you don’t have to worry about contraception for 3-10 years depending on which IUD you have. There are risks involved tho, like expulsion or perforation of your uterus (although I don’t think that’s frequent). Personally, I have a copper IUD and it’s working out well for me.

    There’s other methods like the nuva ring, the implant (hormonal implant in your arm), injections, etc. If you have access to a gynaecologist or any other doctor, you should ask them any questions you might have so you can determine which is best for you.

    BUT!! Birth control is a mental load that is too often carried solely by the woman and your boyfriend is doing exactly that by refusing to wear a condom. I think wearing one for at least your first few times would be best. And if he gets pissy about it, then you absolutely do not have to stay in this relationship. Your comfort and happiness are much more important than raw dogging because it feels better for him.

  39. I’m on the desogestrol pill have been since I was 13 and I’m now 19 it cleared my acne and I’ve never had any pregnancy scares, being ok the pill is good and all but you still gotta be careful about diseases and some diseases go u detected on tests up to 3 months after coming into contact so keep that in mind but the fact it’s your first time and he only cares about going raw is very concerning

  40. Since he’s not a virgin, did he also pull the “I only want to do it raw” with every other girl he’s slept with before you? Definitely don’t sleep with him until you have testing results…

    Please stand your ground– do not risk this. Consequences are not guaranteed, but this is a gamble that WILL literally change your entire life (and very possibly for the worse).

    If this man can’t be patient and respectful enough to consider your sexual safety and comfort, then he isn’t a good man, no matter how sweet he seems to be. He should absolutely be okay using condoms, especially being only a month into this relationship.

    Do not trust anyone who claims “I’ll pull out in time”. Because who will suffer the most if he doesn’t? You, my love.

    Birth control affect different women in different ways. I’ve had great success and little side effects using combination pills, but there are also women who get depressed, gain weight, lose libido, etc.

    You can begin by exploring whether pills or implants may be a good fit, and from there, you can look up the different types of pills and implants available.

    But also, no pressure if you’re not ready to make a decision about this yet. Just know that using condoms is the normal and responsible thing to do when having sex with a new partner. Don’t let him fool you into thinking otherwise.

  41. I’m 38 and my partner is 34, we’ve been together for 15 years and we still fuck only with a condom (she’s on BC as well). I wouldn’t mind at all not wearing one but since she’s not wanting to chance it, I’m only having it with one. It’s her choice.

  42. Please don’t do this. My husband said when we were dating that he would wear whatever I want as long as he got to have sex with me. Never complained about a condom. I was on the pill as well, but was I ready to be a mother at 20? Nope.

    You need a guy with that mindset. Not the OMG it makes me completely numb to wear a condom.

    Please don’t risk your future because of pressure from a childish guy that likely will leave you high and dry if you got pregnant or got a disease.

    In fact, once a guy just kept coming up with excuses to not wear a condom, I just flat out told him to leave. I was done. If he won’t respect my wishes on something that potentially life changing for me, what else will he manipulate me on?

  43. Nope nope nope nope. Don’t give him an inch on this. As a woman, I can tell you sex with a condom feels pretty much the same as without, the cleanup is easier, and not being pregnant is great. The only one who benefits from no condom is him, and the one who takes on most of the risk is you. He’s being selfish at best and trying to baby trap you at worst. If he could get an incurable parasite from sex with you I bet he’d wrap it up.

  44. absolutely not.

    even with condoms there is a teeny risk of pregnancy.

    you know what they call couples who rely on the pull out method?
    Parents.

    maybe not this time. maybe not next time, but it will absolutely happen.

    if he only want to do it raw, he needs to find someone who doesn’t care if they get pregnant or not.

    do not do this.

    if he insists, find a boyfriend that cares about someone besides him self.

  49. I’m currently raising a 9 month old because I relied on my partner to pull out. I do not recommend! Plan b wasn’t an option for me (because of medication) and even if it was, the side effects are not worth minutes of pleasure for him. Plus, even if he gets tested which he might not even be willing, he could have gotten infected with something too recently for it to show up on a test but it can still be transmitted.

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