This is going to be a book, but I'll try to condense it as much as I can. For reference, I wouldn’t even consider him a situationship just a hook-up, but Reddit wouldn’t let me post that in the title.
Me and this guy have been seeing each other for over three years, with a one and a half year gap in between where we didn’t see each other at all. From the start, we were just a one night stand. However, he had requested to see me again. We did, but beforehand we had a very long talk about how we would just be hooking up. I outlined what this meant for me and that I have strict boundaries for that. He agreed and said he was looking for the same thing.
As time went on, he seemed to open up to me more and asked me to spend the night more frequently. At one point he told me about how it was really difficult for him to trust people, that he says mean things he doesn’t mean to hurt people, and that he has been cheated on. He then encouraged me to open up as well.
This prompted me to have a talk with him about how we needed to maintain our boundaries. This led to him sending a barrage of texts that he didn’t have feelings for me like that and that I was overreacting and “reading into things”.
Time went on and we would have what, in my opinion, were very intimate nights. The weeks that followed he would text me and accuse me of being with other men. I would lightly reassure him, but I wanted to maintain my boundary. So, I let him know that if either of us were seeing other people that it was okay and if he wanted to stop talking we could do that.
While having sex and just cuddling, he is very loving. We often have sex three or four times a night. He is very caring towards me.
- But, I don’t ever stay the night. There will be times when I’m leaving and he will grab onto me and ask me not to go (seemingly in his sleep).
- After I leave his house, he will *always* initiate a string of text messages. These will usually be pretty random imo. He will ask about a movie we once saw, something I ate, they never really make much sense to me. But, they will seemingly lean towards another meeting. They sometimes lead to him asking me to hangout again. But, the texts themselves are very random topics.
He has accidentally dropped the L-bomb on two occasions. I ignored it both times. I asked him if he wanted to be exclusive after he had done this because that seemed to be where things were leaning. He blew up and cold shouldered me, exclaiming that he would never think about me in that way. But, as time went on, he would make comments about how we “don’t go places”.
When I would mention us going somewhere he would say, “That’s too much like a date”. So I wouldn’t ask. However, in one of our arguments, he threw out “You never ask me to go anywhere with you”. But – *I would and did*.
A catalyst in our relationship was him telling me over and over again that he doesn’t have feelings and that I need to move on. This wasn’t really prompted by anything besides me asking if he wanted to be exclusive due to him dropping the L-bomb for the second time. I ended up going on a date a few months later. I really hit it off with the guy and turns out the guy is his best friend. I did not know this at the time and immediately cut him off when I found out. However, word got around and I learned (if it is even true) that they physically fought over this.
He texted me about this and told me it was “fucked up” of me to do something like that. I told him that he was the one that had told me to move on. He then asked me to hangout very regularly after this incident, but would freak out when I was at his house. For instance, we would be intimate and then he would shut down saying, “you’re probably still talking to my friend”. I told him I wasn’t, but he refused to believe me.
I then talked to him about why he even cares about this and asked if he has feelings. He said he doesn’t have any feelings for me whatsoever. When I got home, he texted me the same thing again. I would usually ignore his text message, but this would typically lead to arguments where we wouldn’t talk.
Time passed and we saw each other a few times. I went on another date and he found out about this one as well (town is small). However, this date had happened quite a few weeks prior. After we were intimate he then started freaking out, saying that I was probably just there to make the other guy jealous. I told him that that is ridiculous and have no idea where this is coming from. I ended up leaving.
Last month we saw each other while drunk and he asked me “Who are you going to marry?” and I said, “Whoever I’m supposed to” and then he said “What would you do if I got married?” and I said “I’d be happy for you”. But, I felt it was weird that he even mentioned marriage.
A few weeks ago, he texted me several times but I didn’t respond because of the holiday. So, I texted him back a few days ago and he asked me to come over. I did and we had imo a very intimate night. After we had sex three times, he asked me why I had changed positions. It was due to him trying to kiss me. So, I was honest and I said that. He then laughed and said, “or like say I love you”. I completely glazed over that comment and continued the conversation because what the fuck.
So, I leave and I’m prepared to not text him. However, he sends me a text at 6 the next morning. Then texts me throughout the day. I’m pretty bland with my responses, but then he mentions seeing me and this is framed as a date. I tell him that I would be happy to do that.
Then, radiosilence for over a day.
I think to myself that this is pretty rude. So, I tell him Nvm and give the reason as to why. He then responds right away and calls me a name and says that he was never insinuating hanging out with me and was texting just to be friendly. And that he never liked me and doesn’t have any sort of feelings for me. That “those guys you talk to are just using you and once they find someone better you’ll be out lol” What?? Then said he wants absolutely nothing to do with me, which he has never said before.
I am not at all experienced with relationships in the slightest. I don’t know yall. I’m trying to wrap my head around this and I’m really wondering what I am doing wrong. Like am I not approaching this the right way? I have tried to be honest with him and navigate this the best I can, but it feels like he is playing games. This last time was pretty painful for me, because I’ll admit that I was looking forward to actually going on a date.
I sent another text this morning, but he hasn't responded to it.
TL;DR: My hook-up and I agreed to just be hookups. But, anytime I would talk to a new guy he seemingly would freak out. I would ask him if he would want to be exclusive, but then he would say that he doesn’t have any feelings for me and blow up on me. The other day he asked me on a date, but then didn’t respond to finalize the plans. I called him out on it and he freaked out again saying that he never meant it as a date. I’m confused and don’t understand if I’m reading this situation wrong or am doing the wrong thing to handle this.