Hi, I’m a person who hasn’t had friends for 10 years. I’m someone who finds it easy to talk to strangers, but living in a small city, being 35 years old (at this age, in my city people are either married or working), being unemployed, dedicating myself to art, and not knowing what I want in life have led me to a situation of isolation. To the point where, when asked: “How would you describe yourself?”, I think I’ve lost the sense of who I am as a person. I have tried but I haven't found friends (My city is one of those with the highest unemployment and the fewest opportunities in Spain).
- How do I know whether my qualities are real or if I have an unrealistic view of myself?
- People often say that we see ourselves reflected in others (or something like that), like friends are the mirror in which you see yourself. So, how can a lonely person—someone experiencing unwanted loneliness—define themselves if they don’t have that mirror?
- How do you confirm that you’re a good person? I mean, how do you know that you’re genuinely good, instead of acting that way to look good, or out of social correctness, internal protocol, or appearances?
I don’t know. I just feel like a person’s self-definition depends on others: I’ll be a good person only if I have someone to be good to; I’ll be loyal only if I have a chance to show it; I’ll be responsible only if the external conditions allow it… I feel like I can’t define myself because I can’t put into practice the values or concepts that supposedly define me. Also, for example, I think I’m a good person, but from within my loneliness I can’t really be one, so I end up thinking that these traits I believe define me might gradually fade away, and the image I have of “I’m a good person” or “I’m pleasant” might become more like self-convincing about who I used to be rather than the reality of who I am now.
I also don’t know if isolation makes, for example, a person who used to be a good person by nature now be one out of survival or convenience.