I have a work Xmas dinner/dance coming up and we are not allowed to bring spouses/guests at all. I have told others I’m not staying for the dance because my wife won’t be there, and they’re giving me grief for it.
December 6, 2025
I told them repeatedly if my spouse isn’t there what’s the point of staying, I’m not dancing with female coworkers it’s just wrong to me and they say just have some fun there’s no harm in it. I’d feel like I’m cheating and don’t want to….thoughts?
30 comments
You should skip the whole thing.
A dance with only coworkers? Sounds dumb to me.
What kind of workplace doesn’t allow guests at a Christmas party?
You sound like an amazing husband, don’t listen to the bad advise of people who wont be there for you like your spouse will. This is the issue with society today, its very easy not to cheat, all you need to do is not even open the door of possibility. IMO dancing with another woman can easily open that door.
My work has end of year parties like that, but it’s not a formal dance with paired partners it’s more like a few groups will make a circle and dance.
If you don’t like it, just leave and say you have a morning comitment you couldn’t get away from.
Thank you for setting the boundary.
I always told my kids, “Never make decisions on driving based on the guy thinking behind you.” Same is true here. Make your own choices and set your boundaries. Your marriage will be better because of it.
Eta – making employees dance together (because there is no alternative) for a work event is opening themselves up from problems.
Stick with your standards kind redditor. Maybe coworkers are feeling, idk, like you’re judging them? IDK, that’s thier problem. But don’t make a thing out of it. Just have dinner and then slide out. The good ones will respect that.
I wouldn’t go then, that’s so weird and stupid.
I would go by not dance. Just say you are not into dancing and nurse a drink. It could even be a soda and not even alcohol. Then after a little while head out and say you have to be up early tomorrow for another commitment. The point is to not alienate yourself at work and end up being laid off in the future when someone has to go or be denied a promotion because you are not seen as a team player.
I am so happy that I hate work parties and have never had an issue with saying, can’t be there, have previously made plans, have fun guys!
You could go and not dance of course, but yea… the whole thing is weird. How much you wanna bet the planner(s?) have their eye on someone in a relationship?
Just dont go. You dont need to justify why. Your not being paid, so they’re not entitled to your time.
A work dance is beyond mental. You’ve chosen to spend time with your wife, they can achieve the goal of getting you to attend by making it a family party.
You’re doing the right thing. Or even do what others said, skip the whole thing.
My husband’s company does this too and he says its because they end up talking business so it may be boring. I think thats bull. I heard from another employee’s wife that the two employees pushing this narrative sometimes sleep in each other’s rooms and try to be sneaky anout it. Apparently, one time one of them didn’t even check in to their own room. Her husband has observed them sharing ubers and sharing elevator rides to one floor and being seen on a floor that the other’s room is as but not their own. They are both married, and apparently their families are extremely close, so it’s odd to claim that their spouses wouldn’t have anyone to talk to if invited to a holiday party. I think we all know whats really going on. They all meet quarterly for meetings and then everyone attends trade shows together. My husband is living it up on these trips claiming business, but I know all they do is party. We are extremely close to a separation and a lot of it has to do with his effed up work dynamics and constant unnecessary travel. He only works for about 20% of these trips and then the rest of it is fancy dinners and bars. They’re really small company and they have tons of money to spend so they just treat business trips like a lavish vacation and chose exotic places for their quarterly meetings. So when I hear that I’m not invited to holiday parties it sets me off. This makes me feel like I’m only needed or wanted to take care of the family so they can do their thing and there is never any gratitude for the spouses who put up with this charade. Sorry for over sharing but since this is a marriage sub, I figured it would be interesting to add more context.
I am completely on your side. This whole thing sounds like a nightmare
Brother, it’s not like they can force you to go/stay. You can leave after dinner if you want, or not go at all.
What the hell is a workplace dance? Sounds like my idea of hell even if my spouse could be there.
That’s an odd type of party to throw while not allowing spouses 🤨
If you go to the dinner, they’ll bug you the whole time about not going to the dance.
You are a smart man!
Good for you and your spouse. You’re making the correct decision. It definitely shows your commitment to your SO.
Don’t go to the party.
Take your wife out for a hot date night instead. That’s what I’ve always done at my firm (we used to call it The Infidelity Christmas Party).
It sounds like whoever set this up is trying to fuck somebody at the job lol
Stay vigilant king
Yeah you should skip the whole thing or just go a little bit and go home. I don’t think that’s appropriate specially if all the party is between coworkers and there is gonna be alcohol involved. Red flag!
I think dancing and cheating are hopefully MILES away from each other…unless you are bumping and grinding and HOPEFULLY that’s not on the menu at a work thing. All that aside, if it makes you uncomfortable, pass.
Dinner dances should include spouses, even if the company charged a fee for the guest. Dint go. You are just verbal, others are thinking the same thing. Eat and leave or skip it.
We already have to spend all day with coworkers. Now, social events are also only coworkers. No Thank You!! If I can bring my partner or a friend as a buffer, I’m not going. Sounds like a night of coworkers getting drunk, making a “mistake” before going home and hoping their partners never find out.
ew, what company would exclude spouses from a holiday dinner and dance? sounds like whoever is in charge is alone and bitter about couples being happy around the holidays. what other reason would there be to prohibit spouses? it’s just a messy move by a lonely person, or someone unhappy in their own marriage.
My husband’s work Christmas party is next week in the middle of Sunday at a bar so only employees and their spouses can come. Without even telling me about it he said we weren’t coming at all because he’s not giving up a day with the kids for drinking, I agree. They’re giving him grief and saying he should come for a bit and I could stay with the kids, he just laughed in their faces.
Your wife is lucky to have you, but yeah I probably wouldn’t go at all
Same. I didn’t go. Screw that. If they can’t invite my wife after almost 5 years employment I’m not going
30 comments
You should skip the whole thing.
A dance with only coworkers? Sounds dumb to me.
What kind of workplace doesn’t allow guests at a Christmas party?
You sound like an amazing husband, don’t listen to the bad advise of people who wont be there for you like your spouse will. This is the issue with society today, its very easy not to cheat, all you need to do is not even open the door of possibility. IMO dancing with another woman can easily open that door.
My work has end of year parties like that, but it’s not a formal dance with paired partners it’s more like a few groups will make a circle and dance.
If you don’t like it, just leave and say you have a morning comitment you couldn’t get away from.
Thank you for setting the boundary.
I always told my kids, “Never make decisions on driving based on the guy thinking behind you.” Same is true here. Make your own choices and set your boundaries. Your marriage will be better because of it.
Eta – making employees dance together (because there is no alternative) for a work event is opening themselves up from problems.
Stick with your standards kind redditor. Maybe coworkers are feeling, idk, like you’re judging them? IDK, that’s thier problem. But don’t make a thing out of it. Just have dinner and then slide out. The good ones will respect that.
I wouldn’t go then, that’s so weird and stupid.
I would go by not dance. Just say you are not into dancing and nurse a drink. It could even be a soda and not even alcohol. Then after a little while head out and say you have to be up early tomorrow for another commitment. The point is to not alienate yourself at work and end up being laid off in the future when someone has to go or be denied a promotion because you are not seen as a team player.
I am so happy that I hate work parties and have never had an issue with saying, can’t be there, have previously made plans, have fun guys!
You could go and not dance of course, but yea… the whole thing is weird. How much you wanna bet the planner(s?) have their eye on someone in a relationship?
Just dont go. You dont need to justify why. Your not being paid, so they’re not entitled to your time.
A work dance is beyond mental. You’ve chosen to spend time with your wife, they can achieve the goal of getting you to attend by making it a family party.
You’re doing the right thing. Or even do what others said, skip the whole thing.
My husband’s company does this too and he says its because they end up talking business so it may be boring. I think thats bull. I heard from another employee’s wife that the two employees pushing this narrative sometimes sleep in each other’s rooms and try to be sneaky anout it. Apparently, one time one of them didn’t even check in to their own room. Her husband has observed them sharing ubers and sharing elevator rides to one floor and being seen on a floor that the other’s room is as but not their own. They are both married, and apparently their families are extremely close, so it’s odd to claim that their spouses wouldn’t have anyone to talk to if invited to a holiday party. I think we all know whats really going on. They all meet quarterly for meetings and then everyone attends trade shows together. My husband is living it up on these trips claiming business, but I know all they do is party. We are extremely close to a separation and a lot of it has to do with his effed up work dynamics and constant unnecessary travel. He only works for about 20% of these trips and then the rest of it is fancy dinners and bars. They’re really small company and they have tons of money to spend so they just treat business trips like a lavish vacation and chose exotic places for their quarterly meetings. So when I hear that I’m not invited to holiday parties it sets me off. This makes me feel like I’m only needed or wanted to take care of the family so they can do their thing and there is never any gratitude for the spouses who put up with this charade. Sorry for over sharing but since this is a marriage sub, I figured it would be interesting to add more context.
I am completely on your side. This whole thing sounds like a nightmare
Brother, it’s not like they can force you to go/stay. You can leave after dinner if you want, or not go at all.
What the hell is a workplace dance? Sounds like my idea of hell even if my spouse could be there.
That’s an odd type of party to throw while not allowing spouses 🤨
If you go to the dinner, they’ll bug you the whole time about not going to the dance.
You are a smart man!
Good for you and your spouse. You’re making the correct decision. It definitely shows your commitment to your SO.
Don’t go to the party.
Take your wife out for a hot date night instead. That’s what I’ve always done at my firm (we used to call it The Infidelity Christmas Party).
It sounds like whoever set this up is trying to fuck somebody at the job lol
Stay vigilant king
Yeah you should skip the whole thing or just go a little bit and go home. I don’t think that’s appropriate specially if all the party is between coworkers and there is gonna be alcohol involved. Red flag!
I think dancing and cheating are hopefully MILES away from each other…unless you are bumping and grinding and HOPEFULLY that’s not on the menu at a work thing. All that aside, if it makes you uncomfortable, pass.
Dinner dances should include spouses, even if the company charged a fee for the guest. Dint go. You are just verbal, others are thinking the same thing. Eat and leave or skip it.
We already have to spend all day with coworkers. Now, social events are also only coworkers. No Thank You!! If I can bring my partner or a friend as a buffer, I’m not going. Sounds like a night of coworkers getting drunk, making a “mistake” before going home and hoping their partners never find out.
ew, what company would exclude spouses from a holiday dinner and dance? sounds like whoever is in charge is alone and bitter about couples being happy around the holidays. what other reason would there be to prohibit spouses? it’s just a messy move by a lonely person, or someone unhappy in their own marriage.
My husband’s work Christmas party is next week in the middle of Sunday at a bar so only employees and their spouses can come. Without even telling me about it he said we weren’t coming at all because he’s not giving up a day with the kids for drinking, I agree. They’re giving him grief and saying he should come for a bit and I could stay with the kids, he just laughed in their faces.
Your wife is lucky to have you, but yeah I probably wouldn’t go at all
Same. I didn’t go. Screw that. If they can’t invite my wife after almost 5 years employment I’m not going