I’m an articling student (23 F)and also work on a male-dominated environment in the same field and I’m a woman and a person of colour. There are about 10 of us on our “team”. One of my male coworkers (M22) (same position as me, he isn’t senior, and we don’t actually work together on assignments) constantly singles me out with “joking” comments during group interactions.
For example, he’ll say things like:
“I love working with you guys… even [my name].”
“Everyone here is smart… even [my name].”
“Everyone is definitely going to pass this exam…well, maybe not [my name].”
It’s always said in front of other people on the team. And it’s always me! he doesn’t do this to anyone else?? i know i shouldn’t be sensitive about it, but it makes me feel weird. i almost question whether this is some form of flirting. but it’s also hard to imagine it is
I’m not as social at work, working this job and studying requires a lot of overtime, and in my free time, I would rather spend it with my friends and family rather than going to work events. i’m also, as i mentioned, the only POC women on the team, so sometimes it’s harder to relate and feel comfortable and honestly sometimes i’d rather be alone. However, I try and attend every event and at least show my face, even if I don’t stay the whole night, and I’m very good energy while there. but every time I’m there he says and make a comment about how I’m never around….every single time i see him, almost. it’s just weird?
We hang out sometimes as a group and get along well, so I don’t understand why these comments keep coming. They feel unnecessary, especially when it’s only ever directed at me. I don’t know if he’s trying to be friendly, if it’s light teasing, if it’s negging, or what. it’s not like he’s my boss or we even work together or ever have. so i don’t understand the motivation behind the negging.
If this behaviour is coming from a place of admiration or harmless teasing, I can live with that. But if it’s just unnecessary or disrespectful negging, I’d like to know how to adjust my behaviour around him going forward, i’m tired.
just hoping to hear some thoughts.