I need help on how to handle this situation. I'm extremely socially awkward and could use some help on the best path to take.

An old employer came to me a couple of months ago and offered me a job. I accepted it, but told them I wanted to wait until January to start, that way I could get my bonus from my current job. They are OK with that.

Today, my current manager made a comment that she needs to get with me on our composition package for 2026 and that it's good news. These conversations happen every year, but the fact that she said it's good news and also made a comment on how it's good news for another employee, made it clear to me that I'm being promoted.

This doesn't change my mind about leaving. My job is highly stressful and I need an environment with less chaos. That said, I'm not sure how to handle the news that I'm being promoted. Do I flat out say I'm not interested? This will probably make it clear that I'm leaving because I have expressed a desire to move up in the past. Do I accept it then two weeks later put in my notice? This feels unprofessional because once I accept, we will begin interviewing candidates that will report to me.


43 comments

  1. Be honest with your manager. Tell her the truth even if it’s more than 2 weeks out. Salvage that relationship and leave on good terms as you never know what the future holds.

    Edit: a lot of downvotes and criticism. I would add that I have an advanced degree and work at a Fortune 500 company and make good money. My advice is for that level where who you know matters. If you are just scum sucking off a low rent job – yes by all means do as others say.

  2. You are 100% free to pursue a better job. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Makes their timing bad.

  3. Get your bonus. Get the pay increase. Leave. You made a decision to leave. Why change it?

  4. It may not feel like it, but this actually may be a blessing in disguise. If you were getting promoted, they probably already have plans to cover your existing work with someone new. And also, since you’re about to be promoted, you are not integrated into your new work that you were about to begin doing. I know this feels awkward, but this actually is probably going to make the transition for your company easier.

    But under no circumstances tell your boss that you were leaving earlier than you intended to. The last thing you want is them firing you immediately and then losing out on your end of your bonus. You may work for a great boss you like, but companies will absolutely screw you you’ve given a chance.

  5. Do what you think is best for your future. I wouldn’t burn a bridge, so give them plenty of notice of your intentions so if something happened there isn’t bad blood between you.

  6. Without knowing the full context, I feel like you have a few options….BUT one thing for sure, until you are 100% certain– and preferably have it in writing, that they are promoting you/giving a nice bonus, **do not say anything**.

  7. There’s nuances to every situation, but my default here would be to take the promotion and bonus then bail. If questioned at all, then just say you were on the fence about what direction to take. Anyone with a shred of common sense would understand your position.

    If you’re in a small company or incestual market then maybe play it differently. But a couple thousand bucks for most companies is peanuts, the place likes you so you have leverage, and to me, them calling it unprofessional is them being unprofessional. Everyone, including the company as a whole and the individuals in it, look out for themselves first. If they didn’t include a retention period or some other strings for the bonus that’s their own fault, and you should.just consider it money earned.

    If they can’t retain staff they want to promote that’s on them.

  8. Do what’s necessary to get your bonus and then put in the notice exactly 2 weeks before your last day. Say nothing about leaving before then

  9. I would never tell them the truth because I don’t trust companies and I would assume they’ll do anything to get rid of you rather than pay a bonus.

    I think you’re ok to decline. But I also think it’s perfectly fine to accept it, act like you knew nothing about another job at the time, put in your notice after you get your bonus.

  10. I worked with a guy a couple years ago who got promoted to a supervisor spot, pretty decent pay increase. Like a week after he got the promotion he got hired at a different agency and gave like a 3 weeks notice here. Because of his promotion, they had to pay him out all of his unused vacation and comp time at his new pay level and really cleaned up. Take the promotion, get your bag and leave.

  11. Dude. Imagine the reverse — companies , big or small, don’t give a shit about you. You gotta do you. 

    Be a shark.

    Say nothing, get that promotion, get that bonus. 

    Then leave. Say you have an offer you simply can’t refuse and you’re sorry about the abrupt timing. 

  12. If you tell them you’re leaving in December, you might be terminated the same day. Get your bonus and the promotion.

  13. Don’t tell her until you are obligated too. Get your bonus and then explain that the stress in both your current position and promoted position has been to much. You have decided for your health to pursue a position with a different organization. If the current stress is bad, it only will get worse with the promotion. It doesn’t burn any bridges, gets you the bonus you earned, and is a valid excuse regularly used because promotions really do add more stress.

  14. Take the promotion, get your bonus. 

    If you leave afterwards, they will find someone to replace you. 

    Attrition is real, and HR or the manager should understand this. Employees come and go and are long forgotten, no offense. 

  16. I would continue on normally, saying nothing. That new job isn’t a sure thing, and I’m not saying anything to anybody until it’s clear that position is secure and ready for me.

  17. A friend of mine was in a similar position. He took the promotion and higher title and asked the new job to match his new title.

  18. You are worrying about a promotion you haven’t even been offered. Just continue on with your plans unless staying with the current employer is going to end up to your advantage.

  19. I can’t for the life of me understand why people worry about this stuff. Your employer wouldn’t hesitate to let you go at a moments notice if they needed to. You get yours and say it’s just business on the way out.

  20. Keep the new position and follow through as planned, but depart gracefully. The new role and higher salary is resume candy. Do not pass it up-

    Best wishes from a socially awkward Autistic business professional of 15+ years.

    Edited for typo.

  22. I was offered a promotion as I was finalizing paper with with a new company. Fairly significant pay raise, while I was taking a small pay cut to move. New job offered 40 hour weeks, old job was 60-80 hour weeks and high stress ask the time. The 20-25% more I would have been paid won’t have been worth it. I say m said I’d think about it, and submitted my resignation instead. They took it well.

  24. Wait for the money to hit your account before you say anything. Do not give a hint that you’re leaving.

  25. Act like normal until promotion offer is officially made. Then tell them you’d like some time to think about it or outright decline because you have other personal issues you are dealing with and won’t be able to commit to the level of commitment the new role will require.

  26. Get the title. Technically you got the experience of that new title. Use it to your advantage in the future. Soak up all the knowledge you can of that new position.

  27. If you’re on good terms and think you’d still get your bonus, tell them.

    One year I had an unhappy guy. He fucked himself during hiring and took a low offer. He got raises twice a year for years to try and get him up to normal but was still behind.

    I moved around a bunch of money to get him a big ass raise. I basically have a pile to distribute, so other people got worse raises so I could try and keep him. Then he quit a week later. The money just disappears then. I coulda given it to people who’d actually get it and deserved it. He basically fucked over the rest of his team for nothing.

    Kicker is the new job sucked and he came back a year later too.

    Anyway, I learned my lesson that year and I don’t really try to save people anymore. If their foots out the door they’re probably gone. We know every year people are gonna quit after bonuses. We can guess who’s leaving too. I wouldn’t and haven’t taken it into account for bonus amounts. But I can’t speak for everyone out there.

  28. You work your job. As of right now, this is all 100% pure speculation on your part. In most corporate speak, the phrase ‘good news’ usually means more work, more responsibility, and if you are lucky, maybe a 1% raise. So until you are actually promoted, this all means nothing.

    So relax. If you are actually promoted, just do your job. Odds are you won’t actually be promoted until 2026 anyway. So relax, stick to your plan, and enjoy your holiday.

  30. Oh no.

    Anyway…

    Take the promotion and get your leave paid out at the higher rate.

  31. Man, they will/would fire you without giving one single fuck.

    Take your bonus and go.

    Mine paid on 3/13 this year. I quit on 3/10, I didn’t give a shit…still got the bonus.

  32. My friend you owe them nothing at all. Keep info close to you and give them only what policy and/or law requires.

    I know it doesn’t always FEEL good but employers can get mad and mean and you need to protect your bottom line, they’ll sure as hell protect theirs.

  35. 1) I say take the promotion so you can put in o. A future resume if need be.

    2) Don’t say anything about leaving till you get the bonus, a company has no loyalty to you no matter how long or how much you do. They will try to keep the bonus money. Believe me I know.

    3) I would try to burn off PTO. Say you have the flu or ate sushi from the gas station. Anything to burn up that PTO.

    You said you need a less stressful job, the promotion will have a bit more money and alot more stress. Get your bag. Title for a resume and new job.

  36. Act like this is your job because it is until you put in your notice. Get your bonus..

    If the tables were turned you can be sure they would punt with you a head pat and a smile.

    You never know if the other offer can vanish. I had it happen once with my notice printing on the printer. 🤷‍♂️

  37. Do what’s good for you because given the chance they’d screw you to save money. You don’t owe them anything other than a good notice and doing your job. Do not think for a single second you’re anything other than a good employee and a number. Don’t burn the bridge. Give a good notice and look forward to your next adventure.

    I’ve seen the behind the scenes on how and what companies think of their employees (because of my profession). Do not think for a single moment you are anything other than a number. What I know and have seen and literally watched what companies do to “great” employees is sickening. It’s like the movie Office Space, but worse and not funny.

  40. Imo go with the flow. Get your bonus. Put your two weeks after that bonus is in your account. Afterwards write a 2 week notice letter, turn it in. Just deal with the fallout and if they act unprofessional just leave. You’re not obligated to work those 2 weeks, it’s just minding good social graces. If they smash those graces, you’re no longer obligated, nor should you , to keep working there.

  42. Putting aside that this company would fuck you without a 2nd thought if it was advantageous for them…

    You accepted the new job offer before you knew about the promotion. You haven’t done anything wrong

  43. This happened to my little sister last month,she wanted to leave at the end of December and she told a very good customer who in turn told her boss and she was fired that same day . DO NOT SAY ANYTHING….get your bonus and leave for your new job. Goodluck

Leave a Reply