I work at a group home for teenage girls. Today it was raining, and my BF came to pass me my wallet that I left at his home.
For context: our building is like a large home with big glass windows. When something is happening outside, the girls can see it clearly, and they get distracted easily, and there was a special program going on called, Behavioural management exercise. During this time, my supervisor was addressing them.
When he arrived, he was waiting under a tree in the rain. I didn’t have an umbrella so I borrowed one from a colleague, went out of the premises, and took my wallet from him. I asked if I could walk him to the bus stop, but he said he was taking a Grab that was coming in about 5 minutes.
So I smiled, told him to go back safely, and walked back inside.It was a very quick exchange. I didn’t think he needed me to stand there with him for all 5 minutes in the rain, especially because I was aware the girls might be watching and I didn’t want to disrupt the session. I also didn’t want it to become a point of gossip, these things spread fast.
A few minutes later, he texted saying he was upset.
He said I “left him in the rain” and that he expected me to wait with the umbrella until his Grab arrived as it was only 5min or even give him the umbrella. I genuinely thought he was joking when he said it aloud because he often says things cheekily.
When I explained why I went back in, he became more upset. I also told him, I thought he would understand bc of the rs we have. And I don't know what part of him felt that I would happily disregard him bc of that. He said the environment “dictates my behaviour,” that I don’t have a backbone, and that if I were under stress in the future, I might “forget how my actions affect him.” He added that any other person in my position would have waited in the rain. it was hard to talk to him bc of his responses. And then he also got upset that I sought advice from my colleague bc i really felt helpless. He said, "i should be asking him" fair. I get it but it's hard to talk with the way he was accusing me.
I feel blindsided. I can understand him feeling a bit hurt or wishing I had stayed longer, but to make it into a commentary about my character and future behaviour feels… unfair?
If I were in his position, I wouldn’t be angry about this. He once left me at a train because he ran into someone he used to have a talking stage with and I didn’t take that as proof he didn’t care about me. I would’ve simply said, “Hey, I wish you stayed a bit,” not “You don't care about me"
I don’t know if I genuinely did something wrong, or if this reaction was disproportionate.
I feel misunderstood and wrongly judged, but also wondering if I’m missing something.
TL;DR:
My BF came to pass me my wallet while it was raining. He waited outside for his Grab. I borrowed an umbrella, met him, offered to walk him to the bus stop, but he said no. So I went back inside to avoid distracting the teens I work with (they could see everything through the big windows). He later texted angrily saying I “left him in the rain,” accused me of lacking consideration and a backbone, and said anyone else would’ve stayed with him. I feel judged and confused, was this an overreaction?