I (24F) have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and lately I’ve been feeling really unappreciated. It’s not about money — it’s about effort.
Last year on my birthday, he gifted me headphones (5–6k). I appreciated it, but he didn’t show up until my birthday was almost over because he was “busy with trading,” even though I was visibly sad. I didn’t say anything because he often calls me “toxic” if I express hurt.
For his birthday, I had a very important exam, but I still arranged a midnight call, cake, celebration, and got him a projector (11–12k) because he once randomly said he wanted it. He also said I couldn’t come over because “girls aren’t allowed,” even though his friend’s girlfriend was there. That stung.
The part that confused me more: he bought my best friend (who he calls his “sister”) a Polaroid camera worth around 10k because I mentioned she liked it. I felt a little jealous, but I didn’t say anything.
This year, we’re doing long distance. He was online till midnight on my birthday… and didn’t wish me. No gift either. Later I learned my friend had suggested a Kindle for me because I love reading, but he told her it was “out of budget.” This is the same guy who spends 40–50k a month on food delivery and rides.
Again, it’s not about the price — it’s the lack of thought and effort when it comes to me. I feel like I go all-out for him, but he doesn’t show the same energy back.
Am I overreacting? How do I even bring this up without being labeled “toxic” again?