No effort is no interest, but how do you accept it as its so difficult to come to accepting that harsh truth?
December 3, 2025
No effort is no interest, but how do you accept it as its so difficult to come to accepting that harsh truth?
16 comments
It’s hard, but you just got to accept it. Blinding yourself from the truth will hurt in the long run. I’d rather face the truth and end a relationship/friendship, than just allowing myself to be constantly hurt/let down.
It depends on how long I’ve been dating someone. Less than 2 months, or a few dates? It sucks but let them go.
I trained myself not to have difficulty accepting truths, bitter as they may be. I also take ashwaghanda daily ,keeps me sane. Sulking and denials have never been my portion.
Understanding that there are also people that I am not interested in and probably don’t give as much effort as they would like. Focus on giving effort to those I do want and are reciprocating.
Don’t tie your value to how much someone is interested in you. You keep being yourself no matter what anyone else feels about you
In the past year I’ve had to finally accept that the concept of having a support network of friends beyond my partner is beyond my abilities. It’s the culmination of 30+ years of having been my own support structure and 6 years of active efforts of trying to find and make solid connections to other people. I’ve tried every angle people suggest, but I have to recognize that my neurodivergence makes me incompatible with others, including other NDs. I don’t blame anyone but myself.
I know that this acceptance won’t make me any happier, but it at least prevents me from wasting time and energy on pursuits that will only end poorly and leave me in further despair.
I reframe it as a question to make it easier to accept. That question being, “is this how I’d want my future life partner to act?” If the answer is no, then they’re not my life partner and I work on finding something else to focus on. It’s hard, and in the beginning I always make excuses for them (mentally) for the first few days/weeks that I feel them pulling away, but my future husband wouldn’t show me 0 interest, so why would I put effort into pursuing someone that isn’t my future husband?
Tbh i lived .. I’m living and hope my future self won’t live this .. i like sb but i see he doesn’t make any efforts even to talk as friends , my heart wants to be a friend of him but my mind say that i must respect myself instead of chasing these shits , i really realise the truth .. i have no issue accepting it but seems there’s a part of me still didn’t heal enough especially emotional part.
Don’t get so attached so soon. Treat others a a curiosity rather than the potential you’re dreaming of.
You accept it by realizing that you deserve to be treated with as much dignity and respect and effort that you would give the person.
You realize your self worth, let yourself be sad about it, and move forward.
I feel you as I have just gone through this. Maybe knowing you are not alone helps you a bit (:
I basically just choke on the mantra “if they wanted to, they would” until the urge to reach out again passes, and then also until I stop thinking about them and wondering if they really like me.
I think new relationships should be both people wanting to put a lot of energy into each other because it’s new and fresh and exciting. So if i don’t even start out feeling totally wanted, what hope do I have later on?
This is a TikTok take. I know for certain there is at least two men who are in love with me and they never initiates chat because they don’t want to be hurt. People ignore people they are in love with all the time. Often just to move on
It took me a long time, but now I ask myself: am I actually putting in effort and had communicated it once ? If I’m naturally doing the things I’d want in return and had already voiced my expectations, then I ask a second question: am I okay with never being met halfway or do I know this pattern will mess me up ?
Once I understood that my expectations were just wishful thinking until I meet someone who naturally does the same, it became much easier to accept people exactly as they are and NOT who I wish they could be.
It’s pride. Humble yourself and accept. 🙂 that’s life. You win you lose.
16 comments
It’s hard, but you just got to accept it. Blinding yourself from the truth will hurt in the long run. I’d rather face the truth and end a relationship/friendship, than just allowing myself to be constantly hurt/let down.
It depends on how long I’ve been dating someone. Less than 2 months, or a few dates? It sucks but let them go.
I trained myself not to have difficulty accepting truths, bitter as they may be. I also take ashwaghanda daily ,keeps me sane. Sulking and denials have never been my portion.
Understanding that there are also people that I am not interested in and probably don’t give as much effort as they would like. Focus on giving effort to those I do want and are reciprocating.
Don’t tie your value to how much someone is interested in you. You keep being yourself no matter what anyone else feels about you
In the past year I’ve had to finally accept that the concept of having a support network of friends beyond my partner is beyond my abilities. It’s the culmination of 30+ years of having been my own support structure and 6 years of active efforts of trying to find and make solid connections to other people. I’ve tried every angle people suggest, but I have to recognize that my neurodivergence makes me incompatible with others, including other NDs. I don’t blame anyone but myself.
I know that this acceptance won’t make me any happier, but it at least prevents me from wasting time and energy on pursuits that will only end poorly and leave me in further despair.
I reframe it as a question to make it easier to accept. That question being, “is this how I’d want my future life partner to act?” If the answer is no, then they’re not my life partner and I work on finding something else to focus on. It’s hard, and in the beginning I always make excuses for them (mentally) for the first few days/weeks that I feel them pulling away, but my future husband wouldn’t show me 0 interest, so why would I put effort into pursuing someone that isn’t my future husband?
Tbh i lived .. I’m living and hope my future self won’t live this .. i like sb but i see he doesn’t make any efforts even to talk as friends , my heart wants to be a friend of him but my mind say that i must respect myself instead of chasing these shits , i really realise the truth .. i have no issue accepting it but seems there’s a part of me still didn’t heal enough especially emotional part.
Don’t get so attached so soon. Treat others a a curiosity rather than the potential you’re dreaming of.
You accept it by realizing that you deserve to be treated with as much dignity and respect and effort that you would give the person.
You realize your self worth, let yourself be sad about it, and move forward.
I feel you as I have just gone through this. Maybe knowing you are not alone helps you a bit (:
I basically just choke on the mantra “if they wanted to, they would” until the urge to reach out again passes, and then also until I stop thinking about them and wondering if they really like me.
I think new relationships should be both people wanting to put a lot of energy into each other because it’s new and fresh and exciting. So if i don’t even start out feeling totally wanted, what hope do I have later on?
This is a TikTok take. I know for certain there is at least two men who are in love with me and they never initiates chat because they don’t want to be hurt. People ignore people they are in love with all the time. Often just to move on
It took me a long time, but now I ask myself: am I actually putting in effort and had communicated it once ? If I’m naturally doing the things I’d want in return and had already voiced my expectations, then I ask a second question: am I okay with never being met halfway or do I know this pattern will mess me up ?
Once I understood that my expectations were just wishful thinking until I meet someone who naturally does the same, it became much easier to accept people exactly as they are and NOT who I wish they could be.
It’s pride. Humble yourself and accept. 🙂 that’s life. You win you lose.