So this is something I've been wondering for a while. For some background, I (M28) am currently on my fourth relationship with my current girlfriend (F27). My first relationship was 3 years, my second was 4, and my third was 3 as well. I am now over a year with my current girlfriend.

Yesterday she asked me when the last time I felt butterflies with her was, and I told her that I never have, which she said surprised her. I asked her if she had ever gotten them with me, and she said yes, which surprised me, since I am aware I am not her first boyfriend.

For me, I personally have not felt any butterflies in my stomach (or anything similar to that emotion/sensation) since my first relationship. I always figured that, since everything after your first relationship is kind of a rinse and repeat situation and more or less loses its spectacle and excitement, that it wasn't possible to get those feelings of giddiness or buzz afterwards. However, from what I've seen online, apparently people still continue to get this feeling even after their first relationship has ended.

Is this a unique experience for me? I didn't think it was possible but apparently it may be more common than I thought. Is it actually possible to experience something like this again? If so, then how?


8 comments

  1. Everyone is different but yes, each partner I have had has given me those feelings.

  2. Yes, definitely. I’m feeling them with the girl I’m currently dating. Why? Because I’m really into her and I want it work and I don’t want to mess up.

  3. I think it depends on your definition of butterflies.

    I have never had butterflies as intense as it was with my first girlfriend, but I would say I always did have butterflies to some extent. I think people forget that the butterfly feeling and its intensity doesn’t only depend on the person you’re dating, but also your own state and experiences. Going bungee jumping for the 2nd time will never be as exciting as the first time, but it is still fun (if you find it fun to begin with).

    I am now 35 and in a relationship with my fiancée set to get married on our 5-year anniversary in 2 months. I still have moments where I see her talk with other people at a party and I think “if we weren’t together I’d have such a crush on her” or when I just see her being comfortable at home and realising I share the home with her, I am feeling pretty intense joy. It is not the same as the initial infatuation with my first partner, but it is much more profound and deep so I would hesitate to degrade it by calling it butterflies, but it is in the same category I’d say.

    Try to monitor your feelings a bit closer and you might very well identify that there are spikes in feelings of affection, and that can be interpreted as butterflies too.

  4. It could be that the next time you feel butterflies has to trump the first time you felt them. What or when will it be? Who knows. But it’s interesting to wonder when it’ll happen with your current partner.

  5. Yes absolutely. I get them often still at 32 and more dates than I can possibly remember. My first boyfriend was in middle school!

  6. I used to think the same. That my first love was the last time I’ve felt butterflies. I was 19 when we broke up.

    But then at 25 I met one guy and felt it again. And it shocked me lol

    Cause with the partners I dated in between, I hadn’t felt it at all. And I used to explain it by age (like I’m not a teenager with puberty hormones hitting anymore etc)

  7. I guess it’s different for everyone. I still get butterflies 2 years in my current relationship, and I’m 40 with kids.

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