I've recently tried dipping my toe back onto dating after two years since breaking up with my ex. Was a traumatic experience and he wasn't a good guy.
I had been hearing stories from colleagues and friends about how much of a nightmare dating was now and they weren't wrong.
I have been on dates with 3 different guys in the last 4 months and all been disasters.
The first one would take his face out of his phone and was rude to the bar staff and wouldn't stop commenting on how big his bed was…. Hmmm.
The second guy showed up drunk and high… The rest of the story on him was too long on how bad things got.
Onto the last guys, it was our 6th date and he seemed lovely and nice, funny, easygoing.
We got on the topic of kids, I know early to be having that conversation, but we're both in our 30s and it naturally came up. I mentioned I have pcos and endometriosis so I might find it difficult to get pregnant. He kind of glared at me and seemed to get really annoyed about it saying "I should just sort it", I tried to explain to him it's not as simple as "just sorting it" and tried to be light-hearted and sort of explain. He said he wouldn't have even considered pursuing things of this was going to be an issue.
I said I'm not the only women in the world that has difficulties with this and even women without it can struggle.
I was just floored by the complete change in demeanor and attitude.
He then said that it "lowered (my) stock value" if I can't produce a child and should have disclosed this on the first date, knowing he wanted kids.
I sat there flabbergasted and just laughed at him and left and then blocked him.
Im not sad it didn't work out but I haven't been able to get the "stock value" comment out of my head and I'm still quite hurt by it.
I know this only speaks volumes of him and the information/content he's consuming or just his general archaic thinking and it's not about me.
All of this said has me completely terrified of trying to date again.
26 comments
I’m sorry dating has been so hard, honestly I don’t think bringing up big topics on the 1st or 2nd date is a bad thing then time isn’t wasted. You will find the right person, just takes time and you have to continue to put yourself out there. Just takes time, sometimes the apps aren’t great try meeting someone in public shoot your shot
The girl that just ghosted me said she can’t have kids. That’s no big deal because there’s always adoption, or four legged kids, or just a quiet home. Not being able to have kids doesn’t make her, or you, or anyone less of a person.
Seems like the guy isn’t a good match. Sorry you had to go 6 dates to find that out.
Your worth is in your action and behaviors to yourself and others. Treat yourself well and others with kindness and you will be remembered as wonderful, caring amazing person and missed by many. Children in the future or not. This man wont be remembered by anyone for anything. Don’t let him dull your shine and please be kind to yourself.
If you’re looking for a long term partner establishing early on whether or not you want kids is very important. Dating apps make it easier insofar as you can specify in your bio and they can swipe left if it can’t work out.
All that said, six dates isn’t too deep into a relationship to start discussing how you feel about it and whether it is worth it to you to even try with your conditions. His talking about you like you’re a stock on the market or whatever is in itself an enormous red flag.
comments like that sound like he’s heavily in the “manosphere” you dodged a bullet
Six dates. That’s a lot. Try to get it down to 2-3 for finding stuff like that out.
Clearly that’s a deal breaker for him. Just move on
Well, if he had made his PieceofShitis known on the first date, you might have not pursued things. Does he think he’s the only one with “stock value”? 😒
Men can definitely be mean saying shit. When I mentioned I was single at my age (early 40s), one guy online told me that I’m past my prime and that I should settle to get into a type of arrangement where I’m basically used for sex for married men. He told me I should lower my expectations and basically settle for things casually. He told me his mom had 9 kids by my age already. He made it sound like I’m life’s discarded trash.
I never cried reading something someone said to me online like that as much as I did that time. It really hurt cuz I couldn’t face the reality I was in. I kept remembering all the hopes and dreams I had as a younger girl growing up—joking with friends and family walking down the hallway telling them how I would look on my wedding day, or day dream about all the amazing things I wanna do with a partner. And a box with scrapbooking items I collected over the years to have my perfect small getaway wedding. Or the amazing incredible love story I was going to have.
I couldn’t believe I hit middle age and men are speaking to me that say.
Ironically I did exactly what he said a year later and tried to accept “casual” terms with a guy and I got dumped.
You need to have seriously thick skin when dealing with men in general but I feel the older I’m getting the thicker that skin needs to be. I have to wear a fucking armor to shield myself. It really doesn’t help that I grew up without exposure to rejection this way. I’ve been bullied but nothing compares to the things men say sometimes that seriously hit you to the core.
Maybe have other people pick dates for you?
You already know this, but that guy’s stock value is now lower than hell for saying that to you. I’m happy you’re seeing that it speaking volumes of him and that it isn’t about you. What he said was absolutely hurtful, I’m a dude and I’d feel hurt like a comment like that if I were in your shoes.
He acted like endometriosis was a personal choice you made. I wouldn’t wish endo on my worst enemy. It’s so painful.
I’m proud that you left and blocked him because he was a waste of time. This is definitely nothing to do with you. Now you know why he’s single.
What an arrogant asshole, some people got no compassion.. I’d say you dodged a bullet there well and truly and that’s coming from a man lol.
Not a behaviour that should be tolerated in any degree..
Glad you blocked him though..
He’s not worthy of any explanation
That dude sounds like a total clown, good for you blocking him
6th date is early to be talking about kids? I’ve usually asked her to marry me by then. Kidding, but big stuff like kids, religion, politics, etc. are things I usually try to get to by the first or second date. There’s just no point in investing in someone if you have big differences in those fundamental areas. Sorry that guy was such an asshole. At least you didn’t invest any more time in him.
“Stock value.” As if you’re a piece of meat.
Yeah, you for sure dodged a bullet. As a 35M, I’m appalled at how awful most stories I hear about men on dates are. And then these same guys wonder why they’re single and go off about how women have set their standards too high. But it’s hard to meet any woman’s standards when you literally have none. 😅
Hope things turn around and you meet someone actually worthwhile.
He’s a tool.
I’ll prob get downvoted to hell for this, but he did have a point:
>should have disclosed this on the first date
6 dates in is a long time to wait to have this type of conversation. Not saying you should disclose your medical history on a first date, but perhaps have that kid conversation a bit earlier in the future? By date 3, I should know if someone I’m dating is interested in getting married, having more kids, eventually living together, their job/career, their general alignment with politics, any major health issues they may have. I mean, you would disclose any STI’s before having sex right?
Saying a person has a “stock value” is implying that people are some kind of commodity to be traded and inspected. A man saying that about a woman is even worse and I hate it so much. I’m so sorry you had to sit there and listen to this man say that with your own two ears. I’m glad you left and blocked him!
He’s such an arsehole. It’s a shame you had to find out six dates into instead of sooner but at least you’ve seen what he’s like instead of this happening way further down the line and being more emotionally invested. That guy is going to lead a very lonely life with views like that. You can do so much better, don’t let this knock your confidence, he’s absolutely not worth it.
It’s not all men!
They wonder why, we are choosing to be single. When the only value they see in us, is what we can do for them.
Even we both side work, they still expect women to do all the house chores like they don’t. Mums are the default parent and they are tired from being at work, so don’t ask to have a shower on your own or have a hot dinner.
Keep your bar high. Consider joining groups, things you enjoy. You might meet someone organically this way.
He’s an incel for sure. Probably has a “breeding kink” and would get angry at you for requesting he wear a condom. You absolutely dodged a bullet. Sorry that happened.
He’s a jerk. That’s not the kind of partner you want anyway. Imagine if something horrible happened? He’d be gone in an instant. And I empathize with you on not wanting to disclose any medical conditions early on, especially with regard to something as sensitive as a reproductive condition. I have a similar scenario going on and I tend to wait before bringing it up. If he can’t handle it, then he can leave.
Goddamn. That’s just shitty, cruel behavior. I’m proud of you for laughing and leaving his ass there.
It never fails to amaze me all the arrogant men girls experience dating on this subreddit.
Meanwhile all the kind mature men struggle to get dates, sigh 😔
You attract what you are.