Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I’m stuck.

I’m a 23F seeing a 26M. We’re not officially together, but he treats it almost like a relationship. I sometimes feel really close to him — he’s calm, kind, and makes me feel safe — but other times I suddenly lose interest or feel turned off, and I can’t tell if it’s my anxiety or real incompatibility.

Here are the things bothering me:

  • He’s 26, never worked, and is fully supported by his parents

Meanwhile I’m 23, also living with my parents, but I’ve worked before and paid for my own things (my family can’t support me financially). I paid my student loans, drivers licence, academic courses and more.

He has two degrees but zero work experience. He’s in a “job insertion” program that doesn’t actually guarantee anything.

It worries me that he’s older but seems to have no direction or sense of responsibility.

  • His behavior with money feels confusing and uncomfortable

When he goes out with friends, he spends money easily:

  • going to out with friends several days a week

  • partying

    • anime conventions

  • cosplay items and shein clothes

  • paying activities as arcade places or gaming sites.

  • going out to eat, such as sushi outings or fast food.

But with me, it’s different.

Example: he said he wanted to invite me to eat, but then ordered one beer and one burger with fries to share between both of us. I don’t eat much, but still — it felt odd. Almost bare-minimum.

He also offers to invite me to something (like a shot for example) and makes “worried” faces when paying, which makes me feel guilty. I end up offering to pay even though I’m not in a good financial situation — and he lets me.

And it's not about if he spends much money in me, it's the intention that it reflects.

  • Some aspects of his lifestyle turn me off

I don’t mind anime, but he spends on cosplay stuff, and very “otaku” outfits. For some reason it just doesn’t match my taste and it puts me off.

And i feel comfortable with him emotionally, but our humor isn’t aligned. He is more stagnant and doesn't understand my mood much, or he doesn't waver me as much as I would like.

The whole picture leaves me confused

Put together:

  • 26 with no job experience

  • financially dependent

  • invites me but has us share a single meal

  • meanwhile he spends a freely in going out and his stuff, almost every day.

  • humor and chemistry don’t fully match.

…all while being a genuinely kind and understanding guy.

I feel guilty because he treats me well and i feel very loved and secure, and that i can be myself around him without judging, but something feels off. I don’t know if I’m being picky, anxious, or ignoring incompatibilities.

My questions:

  1. Would these things bother you too?

  2. Am i the ah?

  3. Am I overthinking this, or does something seem off?

What do you think?


Leave a Reply