If you wanted a child but were single, how would you feel about an older man offering a mostly “transactional” co-parenting setup where you raise the child and he supports from a distance?
November 29, 2025
If you wanted a child but were single, how would you feel about an older man offering a mostly “transactional” co-parenting setup where you raise the child and he supports from a distance?
17 comments
Well, I wouldn’t want to do that, but if for some reason I went that route, I would need a strong village.
No idea what the context is with the old guy, but I would not rely on it and expect that the support will either not come through or stop after a while.
My initial concern is what’s in it for him?
I would do it. I have friends in a similar set up, and it seems to be working out well.
No. I’d prefer we increase child rearing benefits for all families.
The support they provide would have to be truly incredible to make up for the insecurity of this set up. It would require a contract detailing everything: who is going to pay for what, for how long, etc. with mechanisms built in to ensure it can’t be contested to death in the future.
I’m talking a fully funded 529 account at the time of birth + a very healthy child support setup until the kid is at least 20 (that includes childcare expenses for the childcare a partner could be expected to cover under normal circumstances.)
Nop. There I always a chance they will
Change their mind and then go after you for partial custody. I mean what do they want? Just to have sex till you’re pregnant? What if they decide to stop paying? What if he then decides to be involved?
I would be curious what that transaction entailed. Is that fiscal support only? Occasional visits too?
Instantly suspicious about his motives. What’s he getting out of this arrangement? What’s stopping him from backing out when it gets to the “support” stage? Lots of red flags here.
Just sounds creepy. Particularly his offering.
If he isn’t interested in being an active parent, just go to a sperm bank and raise the child alone. At least they screen the donors so you know the sperm is healthy, and having no father is better for the kid than one that comes and goes as he pleases.
I don’t know any men who would ever agree to this. Most of them try to avoid this exact thing.
No thanks. If I wanted a kid I would want to raise it in a healthy way and this doesn’t sound healthy at all. It’s not just about what you want, but also what is good for the child. If I was single and really wanted to care for a child I would maybe be a foster parent or work with orphans, but I wouldn’t bring a child into the world and put them in the situation you’re describing.
Honestly, if I can talk to a lawyer and get everything in writing, including Will related items. I probably would. Money is something keeping me from having a baby solo (or at all). Support would also include child care, including respite.
Make him put a few million in a trust fund that belongs solely to the child. Otherwise pretty weird.
17 comments
Well, I wouldn’t want to do that, but if for some reason I went that route, I would need a strong village.
No idea what the context is with the old guy, but I would not rely on it and expect that the support will either not come through or stop after a while.
My initial concern is what’s in it for him?
I would do it. I have friends in a similar set up, and it seems to be working out well.
No. I’d prefer we increase child rearing benefits for all families.
The support they provide would have to be truly incredible to make up for the insecurity of this set up. It would require a contract detailing everything: who is going to pay for what, for how long, etc. with mechanisms built in to ensure it can’t be contested to death in the future.
I’m talking a fully funded 529 account at the time of birth + a very healthy child support setup until the kid is at least 20 (that includes childcare expenses for the childcare a partner could be expected to cover under normal circumstances.)
Nop. There I always a chance they will
Change their mind and then go after you for partial custody. I mean what do they want? Just to have sex till you’re pregnant? What if they decide to stop paying? What if he then decides to be involved?
I would be curious what that transaction entailed. Is that fiscal support only? Occasional visits too?
Instantly suspicious about his motives. What’s he getting out of this arrangement? What’s stopping him from backing out when it gets to the “support” stage? Lots of red flags here.
Just sounds creepy. Particularly his offering.
If he isn’t interested in being an active parent, just go to a sperm bank and raise the child alone. At least they screen the donors so you know the sperm is healthy, and having no father is better for the kid than one that comes and goes as he pleases.
I don’t know any men who would ever agree to this. Most of them try to avoid this exact thing.
No thanks. If I wanted a kid I would want to raise it in a healthy way and this doesn’t sound healthy at all. It’s not just about what you want, but also what is good for the child. If I was single and really wanted to care for a child I would maybe be a foster parent or work with orphans, but I wouldn’t bring a child into the world and put them in the situation you’re describing.
Honestly, if I can talk to a lawyer and get everything in writing, including Will related items. I probably would. Money is something keeping me from having a baby solo (or at all). Support would also include child care, including respite.
Make him put a few million in a trust fund that belongs solely to the child. Otherwise pretty weird.
Hell no.
Would not trust it, even if I knew this guy.