Women in healthy relationships but never orgasmed with their partners, why?
November 29, 2025
Women in healthy relationships but never orgasmed with their partners, why?
31 comments
I don’t have my first O until I was in my 20s and I was in plenty of healthy relationships. I don’t know why? My husband is just different I guess.
My guess is ridiculously low oxytocin.
Size and shape of his member can play a part, even the angle! I’ve had great sex with attentive lovers and not been able to finish, but been able to finish with people who I’d say didn’t do in my preferred style, which in itself doesn’t sound like it makes sense haha.
Stress levels, alcohol or nicotine consumption, diet, even dehydration can play a part too. So much can go into it but communication is so key!
[removed]
I didn’t with my current partner until 6 months in because I was insecure due to past relationships where the guys didn’t think I was worth the effort and that affected my self esteem. I remember asking an ex straight up if he wouldn’t mind making me cum first (or at all, because I know he could) and he just deadpan said *no*
With my current partner , I finally did when I feel like he cared for me on a deeper level and I became more comfortable and let my guard down with him and relaxed.
No man has ever asked me what I like. What I think would make me orgasm or to show them how I masturbate.
👀👀I wouldn’t be able to stay. Do y’all tell them what you need?
I just don’t care that much. People say you can teach yourself to O and I have a lot of trauma around it so I just don’t have the energy to try. My husband has tried it’s not a lack of care, from him
Medications I used to take made it hard for me to orgasm.
I don’t know. I’ve had 2 long term boyfriends and slept with 3 people but I just can’t get there mentally like I can by myself. It’s almost like having another person there gets in my head and i can’t focus. I also feel like i take a while
I wish I knew. It just doesn’t happen.
I’m going to assume that this question is well-intentioned, but ironically, it also helps illustrate one reason why it’s not guaranteed to happen. The psychological pressure to get a certain outcome is antithetical to the relaxation and other feelings often needed to achieve that result.
[removed]
Endometriosis and adenomyosis :/ and sheltered upbringing so still trying to feel comfy with sex
I think sometimes one partner thinks the relationship is healthy while the other does not. Also, medications, SA, PTSD, porn usage, and alcohol use can affect some people.
This doesn’t totally apply to me but I want to point out that there are many times where I don’t orgasm with and it’s still pleasurable for me. Just because one doesn’t orgasm doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good or fulfilling. Maybe it’s like that for women who aren’t orgasming with their partners.
I have been with my partner for 15 years now. We got together really young and he was a virgin when I met him. We both had a really weird and unhealthy view of sex/pleasure bc we were raised religious and me in a misogynistic household. I think it just took us both a long time to even be comfortable in that arena. I had relationships before him but a lot of them didn’t even ask/try and I just thought that was normal I guess. So when he started asking to do things for me I was really uncomfortable. Took me a while to accept things and to not feel weirdly guilty.
Look. I don’t know. I don’t know why no man has ever been able to give me an O. I still enjoy sex, it’s pleasurable, but I can never quite get there. I can give myself one. But when I try with a man, *it doesn’t work*. I’m tired of advice. I’m tired of being told I’m doing something wrong. I’m tired of being told that it’s psychological. Doctors have not been able to help me. Shrinks haven’t been able to help me. I’ve tried tons of positions, I’ve tried toys (hate them; they do nothing for me). So I don’t have an answer for “why”. At my age, I know it’s not going to happen, so I might as well just enjoy the closeness of it and get myself off separately.
We are trained to believe “healthy relationships” in hetero culture are ones where we sacrifice our needs and desires in favor of his
I can’t orgasm without rubbing my clit and my husband has some brilliant qualities but sex isn’t one of them. It’s not bad, it’s just isn’t erotica-fiction perfect. In fact, I’m the HL partner in the equation.
He’s very affectionate, a wonderful father, gifted-smart, hard-working, has a great sense of humour, is very supportive, we always split housework, he respects my boundaries, is not possessive, he is reliable and very good looking. I wouldn’t trade all that just to be able to orgasm during penetration. It would be fantastic, sure, but I’m very confident and comfortable in pleasuring myself, and I married for life.
OP, if you’ve never had an orgasm before, the best way to try is by yourself to find out what gets you there rather than with a partner because it makes the experience stressful which is counterintuitive. Once you know what pushes your buttons, then you can share with your partner.
Also, some women cannot orgasm.
Almost said no idea, but I do have a clue.
It’s so simple. Men are not acting like functioning adults. It’s not only completely uninspiring, but with time becomes repulsive. Who would want to have sex with a child-minded adult? (There are diagnosis given for people like that) Or put yourself in direct danger of mixing genes with that? Would you feel safe and supported? The sex attraction to women is directly connected to a partners performance and attitude in life. Intelligence, maturity, optimism and competence are sexy. Ignorance, immaturity, pessimism and incompetence are repulsive. There is a logical and bio-logical reasoning for this.
I’m supposed to be horny for a person and feel relaxed in his presence and not worry. It requires trust, confidence in person and a person to feel reliable. It comes from actions, not words.
Many fail this continuously and get shocked when women are not jumping at them like they came straight from the mountain of Olympus.
I’m a lesbian who has never gotten off with any of my partners. It just is what it is. I can ask for whatever I want but this is based in some really deep trauma and I don’t foresee it ever changing. I don’t really like sex much as a result.
Can’t get completely at ease/ comfortable which is my issue. Can still have a good time regardless but I just can’t relax. I think it’s been more of an issue for the other person than it has been for me, if it’s been an issue.
I’ve never orgasmed ever
I have never orgasmed period. I was never really interested in masturbation (likely partially due to religious shame, but mostly because I rarely experienced sexual attraction or desire outside of my current relationship) so I never learned what I require mechanically for it, and I think if that was the point of sex for me and my boyfriend, I would feel too stressed/pressured/distracted to enjoy it.
I enjoy sex regardless and I don’t care enough about orgasming for it to matter.
I honestly don’t know. I always felt like my body just wasn’t built to orgasm
Until we broke up and I started dating someone more experienced and more communicative and oh boy
EDIT: I take it back, I guess I do know. Inexperience and bad communication doesn’t equal a terrible relationship, but it sure ain’t great for your sex life.
I wasnt able to orgasm from partnered sex until my last partner. Albeit my relationships before they one were ela mix of healthy and also toxic. I stayed because the either the sex was still satisfying despite no orgasms OR I was just content to be dating that person. However, now knowing what it’s like to have regular orgasms from partnered sex, I would not go back haha
Because I confused platonic affection for romantic affection. I also assumed the sexual affection would grow over time, and because it didn’t, I just couldn’t enjoy myself. Moral of the story (for me): date someone you want to fuck right off the bat!
It is so sad that this society broke women so bad that we just deep rooted trauma and shame that stops our bodies from doing what they were supposed to. This new generation of women will be different though!
idk bro i’m trying. nothing feels good enough to push me there. but i love him so much, more than anything and anyone in this world.
31 comments
I don’t have my first O until I was in my 20s and I was in plenty of healthy relationships. I don’t know why? My husband is just different I guess.
My guess is ridiculously low oxytocin.
Size and shape of his member can play a part, even the angle! I’ve had great sex with attentive lovers and not been able to finish, but been able to finish with people who I’d say didn’t do in my preferred style, which in itself doesn’t sound like it makes sense haha.
Stress levels, alcohol or nicotine consumption, diet, even dehydration can play a part too. So much can go into it but communication is so key!
[removed]
I didn’t with my current partner until 6 months in because I was insecure due to past relationships where the guys didn’t think I was worth the effort and that affected my self esteem. I remember asking an ex straight up if he wouldn’t mind making me cum first (or at all, because I know he could) and he just deadpan said *no*
With my current partner , I finally did when I feel like he cared for me on a deeper level and I became more comfortable and let my guard down with him and relaxed.
No man has ever asked me what I like. What I think would make me orgasm or to show them how I masturbate.
👀👀I wouldn’t be able to stay. Do y’all tell them what you need?
I just don’t care that much. People say you can teach yourself to O and I have a lot of trauma around it so I just don’t have the energy to try. My husband has tried it’s not a lack of care, from him
Medications I used to take made it hard for me to orgasm.
I don’t know. I’ve had 2 long term boyfriends and slept with 3 people but I just can’t get there mentally like I can by myself. It’s almost like having another person there gets in my head and i can’t focus. I also feel like i take a while
I wish I knew. It just doesn’t happen.
I’m going to assume that this question is well-intentioned, but ironically, it also helps illustrate one reason why it’s not guaranteed to happen. The psychological pressure to get a certain outcome is antithetical to the relaxation and other feelings often needed to achieve that result.
[removed]
Endometriosis and adenomyosis :/ and sheltered upbringing so still trying to feel comfy with sex
I think sometimes one partner thinks the relationship is healthy while the other does not. Also, medications, SA, PTSD, porn usage, and alcohol use can affect some people.
This doesn’t totally apply to me but I want to point out that there are many times where I don’t orgasm with and it’s still pleasurable for me. Just because one doesn’t orgasm doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good or fulfilling. Maybe it’s like that for women who aren’t orgasming with their partners.
I have been with my partner for 15 years now. We got together really young and he was a virgin when I met him. We both had a really weird and unhealthy view of sex/pleasure bc we were raised religious and me in a misogynistic household. I think it just took us both a long time to even be comfortable in that arena. I had relationships before him but a lot of them didn’t even ask/try and I just thought that was normal I guess. So when he started asking to do things for me I was really uncomfortable. Took me a while to accept things and to not feel weirdly guilty.
Look. I don’t know. I don’t know why no man has ever been able to give me an O. I still enjoy sex, it’s pleasurable, but I can never quite get there. I can give myself one. But when I try with a man, *it doesn’t work*. I’m tired of advice. I’m tired of being told I’m doing something wrong. I’m tired of being told that it’s psychological. Doctors have not been able to help me. Shrinks haven’t been able to help me. I’ve tried tons of positions, I’ve tried toys (hate them; they do nothing for me). So I don’t have an answer for “why”. At my age, I know it’s not going to happen, so I might as well just enjoy the closeness of it and get myself off separately.
We are trained to believe “healthy relationships” in hetero culture are ones where we sacrifice our needs and desires in favor of his
I can’t orgasm without rubbing my clit and my husband has some brilliant qualities but sex isn’t one of them. It’s not bad, it’s just isn’t erotica-fiction perfect. In fact, I’m the HL partner in the equation.
He’s very affectionate, a wonderful father, gifted-smart, hard-working, has a great sense of humour, is very supportive, we always split housework, he respects my boundaries, is not possessive, he is reliable and very good looking. I wouldn’t trade all that just to be able to orgasm during penetration. It would be fantastic, sure, but I’m very confident and comfortable in pleasuring myself, and I married for life.
OP, if you’ve never had an orgasm before, the best way to try is by yourself to find out what gets you there rather than with a partner because it makes the experience stressful which is counterintuitive. Once you know what pushes your buttons, then you can share with your partner.
Also, some women cannot orgasm.
Almost said no idea, but I do have a clue.
It’s so simple. Men are not acting like functioning adults. It’s not only completely uninspiring, but with time becomes repulsive. Who would want to have sex with a child-minded adult? (There are diagnosis given for people like that) Or put yourself in direct danger of mixing genes with that? Would you feel safe and supported? The sex attraction to women is directly connected to a partners performance and attitude in life. Intelligence, maturity, optimism and competence are sexy. Ignorance, immaturity, pessimism and incompetence are repulsive. There is a logical and bio-logical reasoning for this.
I’m supposed to be horny for a person and feel relaxed in his presence and not worry. It requires trust, confidence in person and a person to feel reliable. It comes from actions, not words.
Many fail this continuously and get shocked when women are not jumping at them like they came straight from the mountain of Olympus.
I’m a lesbian who has never gotten off with any of my partners. It just is what it is. I can ask for whatever I want but this is based in some really deep trauma and I don’t foresee it ever changing. I don’t really like sex much as a result.
Can’t get completely at ease/ comfortable which is my issue. Can still have a good time regardless but I just can’t relax. I think it’s been more of an issue for the other person than it has been for me, if it’s been an issue.
I’ve never orgasmed ever
I have never orgasmed period. I was never really interested in masturbation (likely partially due to religious shame, but mostly because I rarely experienced sexual attraction or desire outside of my current relationship) so I never learned what I require mechanically for it, and I think if that was the point of sex for me and my boyfriend, I would feel too stressed/pressured/distracted to enjoy it.
I enjoy sex regardless and I don’t care enough about orgasming for it to matter.
I honestly don’t know. I always felt like my body just wasn’t built to orgasm
Until we broke up and I started dating someone more experienced and more communicative and oh boy
EDIT: I take it back, I guess I do know. Inexperience and bad communication doesn’t equal a terrible relationship, but it sure ain’t great for your sex life.
I wasnt able to orgasm from partnered sex until my last partner. Albeit my relationships before they one were ela mix of healthy and also toxic. I stayed because the either the sex was still satisfying despite no orgasms OR I was just content to be dating that person. However, now knowing what it’s like to have regular orgasms from partnered sex, I would not go back haha
Because I confused platonic affection for romantic affection. I also assumed the sexual affection would grow over time, and because it didn’t, I just couldn’t enjoy myself. Moral of the story (for me): date someone you want to fuck right off the bat!
It is so sad that this society broke women so bad that we just deep rooted trauma and shame that stops our bodies from doing what they were supposed to. This new generation of women will be different though!
idk bro i’m trying. nothing feels good enough to push me there. but i love him so much, more than anything and anyone in this world.