When I (F) am around men who I am not intimidated by, I find it very easy to relax/make conversation/be myself. However, when I am around men who I would actually be interested in, I can barely look them in the eye.

I get a lot of “I feel like we’ve really connected” “I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you today” etc, and it’s always from someone I have no interest in seeing again. And it’s actually beginning to irritate me, but I know exactly why it’s happening.

I feel like I’m stuck in some kind of catch 22. It’s like I have social anxiety but only when I actually like someone. Any tips?


10 comments

  1. Yeah, I know. This is why so many married men think that women become more into them once they have a ring on their finger. lol. It’s not that we’re more interested in them at all, it’s that they’re married and therefore you relax and feel safe going up to them without the threat of him thinking he’s going to go to bed with you.

  4. I’m a guy and it bothers me also. I generally nervous in social situations but I can communicate with most people normally.
    When there’s someone desirable around i became really nervous and disgusting as a result. I amazed myself of how pathetic I can come across sometimes.

  5. This is natural! It just takes practice to get past it. Try just chatting with men you find attractive. It will get easier each time.

  6. In reality – unlike the current social trope of female social superiority – many women, like a lot of men, are socially inept and understand others far less than they’re willing to admit to themselves.

  7. You just have to force yourself to interact with them really. That’s how I got over it. Still too afraid to ask anyone of them out though unfortunately.

  8. If you give yourself a bit of exposure therapy and put yourself in situations with zero outcome expectation (other than the experience itself) you may find over time you’ll be less anxious.

    I was taught this trick a long time ago and it seems to work.

    Shall leave advice on the unwanted attention to others, just at remember to treat others as you would like to be treated (unless they are being a***holes).

  10. Congratulations on being human. Men go through this, too. Tips? You either act like an adult or you let others dictate your life. There’s no trick or tip. You just have to do it. Welcome to being a man.

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