I’m a 37M and my girlfriend is 32F, and I’ve recently come to the conclusion that our sexual needs are… different.
It’s not about frequency -we actually have sex quite regularly. What’s missing for me is something I had in a couple of past relationships and situationships: the feeling of being wanted sexually.
There’s no sexting, no playful dirty talk, no nudes, no “I want you so badly” type of energy. When I try to initiate anything like sexting, I usually get silence. Later she’ll say she was busy, that it was nice, etc. When I text something like “I want you so much” or “I can’t wait to have sex with you,” her replies are usually just “me too.”
Outside the bedroom she’s loving, caring, affectionate and truly too good to me. When I ask if there’s anything she’d change, she says she’s happy with how things are.
But… I wish I could hear something like: “I’m so wet I can’t wait for you to get home and fuck me.” I miss that kind of desire directed at me. I feel like the absence of this kind of desire really hits my self-esteem and sense of masculinity.
It makes me also feel like a bad partner for wanting this, like I’m not appreciating her for who she is and I’m just being difficult or “picky” for no reason. But at the same time, this part of intimacy matters to me, and I don’t know how much of it can realistically be bridged between two people with different comfort zones. She’s not shy or inhibited in bed or anything like that, but talking about sex, even about boundaries, preferences, etc.: is just not her style at all.
Has anyone been through something similar? Is this something that can be worked on? Does anyone have advice on how to work on this without turning it into some kind of “wish list” or pressure? I don’t want to force her into a style of sexuality that isn’t natural for her, but I also don’t want to keep pretending this need doesn’t exist for me.
Cheers!