This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I ran into A teacher from my work and we chatted it up (she’s married). She texted me later to invite me to a football watch party this Saturday at a friends place with her and her husband a some friends. I said yes, even though I feel anxious as all hell about it.
I’m sure it’ll be a fun time, and I’m sure they’re all nice ppl. But the idea of meeting however many new ppl is terrifying. Maybe I’ll end up meeting a cute girl there 🤷🏽♂️ (doubt it, it will probably be mostly other couples, but I will still have fun)
Happy Thanksgiving y’all! Love is a great beautifier, and I am thankful for it every day. It brings warmth to the coldest home, courage to the most timid heart, and purpose to the most wandering soul. When I count my blessings, I count the people I love twice.
I had to have my cat euthanised yesterday and I am not OK. The unexpected romance I recently found myself in has not stood up to this test. I was already looking for reasons to nip it in the bud and I think this is a good enough one.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
This is my first Thanksgiving alone, as I am currently in the middle of a divorce. Not complaining, just felt like sharing. Kids are with their mom, so I’m just doing my own thing, which amounts to not much at all, lol.
First Thanksgiving alone ever, actually. Kind of weird. I do miss my kids, but I also enjoy silence. Making the best of it!
Thanks for the opportunity to share! I hope everyone has the best day possible!
I hope you guys are all able to find joy in the chaos today. So far, we have discovered we are missing: aluminum foil, sugar, a lighter, eggs, Cards Against Humanity, and water (reinforcements have been called and we’re improvising).
If you haven’t told your crush yet that you’re insanely attracted to them and would love to give them a gobble, go ahead and be brave! 😉
I am sick (a cold) for the first time in several years. I was supposed to have my first date after a bad breakup yesterday, but because I wasn’t feeling well I had to reschedule it for tomorrow, but I don’t think I’m going to be feeling any better (or be any less contagious) tomorrow. This sucks!
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What kind of advice would you give a 30 year old guy who has been on 7 first dates this year with genuinely great women when everyone of said women told him something close to “I had a good time, but I’m not feeling it” and you consider that his social skills to be more pro-active on dates is somewhat limited by autism?
I’m not sure how to change my approach which is most likely way to passive, but I don’t pick up on interpersonal subtle stuff at all and the idea of voicing attraction in a more direct manner makes me feel like a criminal. I am in therapy
Why is it when I am online , and I talk about the impossibility of dating women ,for me, people always assume that I am like a teenager or in my early 20s? This becomes even more common when they see my physical appearance , [which is not bad](https://x.com/ElliottChMiller/status/1989529928555962550?t=jqjczUA-SjsLI09sNyCZVg&s=19)
What is their model of how men gain confidence ? Why do people think that we become better with women when we get older?
Btw please do not tell me to get therapy . I just want to know why people believe this about older men.
I am processing an avoidant interaction that caught me by surprise. 3 very strong dates. She initiated handholding and kissing on Date 3. Talked long term topics and compatibility. We had elite banter and lots of fun. I was on my A game. However, after each date she went more formal/logistical via text – continuing to agree to each date and showing up a lil guarded but warming up towards the end and indulging. She’s had legitimate but logistical reasons why Date 4 needs a lil more elongated rain check. It’s not the reasons it’s more the lack of warmth and consistency outside of dates. It’s been a week of radio silence after I said no problem life gets busy let me know when your schedule clears. This doesn’t match my need for a lil warmth and consistency from a distance after 3 strong dates and over a month of chatting. It’s unfortunate and disappointing but I’ll just let it go and if she resurfaces after the holiday I’ll gently set a boundary that id love to see you again but I’m looking for a bit more natural rhythm of consistency not commitment immediately in terms of partnership but not radio silence either. Somewhere in the middle. Avoidants will be the death of me lmao
i don’t have a boo, but plenty of family and friends to text that i’m thankful for them and they’re thankful for me too. feeling loved during this season in a really wholesome way 🙂
Feeling numb and melancholic. The guy I work with said the magic 4 words “I have a girlfriend” to try to ward me off escalating physically and my subconscious detached so much. I no longer care about his past romantic interactions with his exs, when he says stuff like “this is why we can’t be together” I internally go ok. I still find him cute and funny but it’s like it’s impossible for me to emotionally ruminate romantically about him because that’s gross even though the odds of him actually having a girlfriend is very low but that odds still exist.
I guess now that I’m detached and the fantasy has died, there isn’t actually that much beyond a working relationship and some affection and care. We never actually dated or specifically with the intent of “this is a date”. The closest was him bringing me to a spot that he likes, otherwise there isn’t anything. I think even if he tells me it’s a joke, the romantic engine isn’t going to restart itself, because the ultimate stance of him not wanting to actually be with me doesn’t change so it doesn’t matter
Got my gf a birthday present. She always talks about how when it gets cold she likes to put on a YouTube recording of a fireplace on her tv and just sit on the couch with a blanket and a mug of tea or hot chocolate. I got her an electric fireplace. The heat is optional and you can just turn it on without that. Her apartment is usually super warm whenever I’m there but she said this is the first year the heat has actually worked properly. I’m pretty excited for her to get it. Hope she likes it.
I also got her a vibrator. Shes never used one before. Neither of us have. We talked about it and she said she wanted to try it with me. I wasn’t sure if she’d be ok with me getting her one but she got that package already in the mail and was happy.
Happy thanksgiving guys. Holidays are rough for me and I can’t wait for this season to be over. I have amazing wonderful friends but there’s always that piece that’s missing in my life and I feel it extra hard in the winter.
happy thanksgiving to the americans!
I saw a thread recently asking if (straight) men and women find the same physical qualities attractive in women. it made me curious what people here think. I get compliments semi regularly from women (I’ve literally been stopped in the street, had a woman stop her car to compliment me, had a female bus driver yell how beautiful I was out the bus door at a red light, had some very adorable girls whispering to each other about me when they thought I couldn’t hear).
I’ve never, ever gotten a compliment from a man, been asked out or basically get any attention outside from the occasional catcall or creepy older dude. Barely get any likes/matches on apps. And before people say men are shy or worried about crossing boundaries, this also applies to guys I’ve literally been on dates with. I feel like even the guys who will go on dates with me on apps act like they’re doing it out of borderline obligation like they have zero attraction to or interest in me.
idk what to make of it. My only conclusion is that I’m nice or “interesting” to look at in some platonic way but have zero to negative sex appeal? It’s kind of frustrating because my female friends and therapists will *insist* that I’m attractive (to the point where they basically will not even allow me to say that I *feel* unattractive or undesirable due to my dating issues, basically the whole “why do you care what men think” – i mean unfortunately i am a human who wants to have sex) and yet because of the lack of romantic success I feel extremely undesirable and gross 99% of the time.
Last year I had been dating a guy for 6 months when thanksgiving rolled around, but he didn’t invite me to his family’s thanksgiving (they live nearby and he was very close with them), and he knew I didn’t have any plans so I’d just be alone. 4 months later when he broke up with me I found out he never told his family he had been dating anyone.
Yesterday I met up with a new friend who I met through a support group I’m in. He asked if I had any thanksgiving plans and when I told him no, he immediately said I could come have thanksgiving dinner with him and his aunt. His parents and siblings live out of state so it’s just going to be him and his aunt, nothing fancy. I don’t really know him very well yet, but it was such a nice gesture, and the complete opposite of last year.
Going to be spending today alone with my books and my kitten since family had to celebrate Thanksgiving early due to everyone’s schedules.
Why does Thanksgiving have to be stressful? I have my mothers house and sisters house to go to. But now my mom is suggesting I don’t go to my sisters because she’s worried about me catching something from my brother in laws family all being around. She’s mainly concerned because I’m still recovering in a way. I can move and I’m more mobile, but I’m still a little vulnerable in a sense. But now im in the camp of “well if I can’t see my sister I might as well stay home to avoid the other group of ppl that’s gonna be at my moms”.
🙄🙄🙄
Where/how have you been meeting folks in real life? Looking for inspiration, the apps just aren’t worth it
Thankful for the DOT community, and the friends I’ve made here, both online and IRL. I do think it’s important to be thankful, even when things may be shitty. Things could always be worse! I’m thankful I’m no longer in an unhealthy relationship. ❤️
Was going to post another affirmation/mantra today, then realized it’s Thanksgiving.
I’m abroad and no one from my family has tried to reach me. Not even disappointed or sad at this point.
this time next year I’ll have a loving and supportive community and partner to celebrate with. this time next year I’ll have a loving and supportive community and partner to celebrate with. this time next year I’ll have a loving and supportive community and partner to celebrate with.
Why do 44 year old men still lie, cheat, use, & abuse? 😢 My flabbers are ghasted this turkey day.
Why is dating in your 30s after divorce so freaking HARD. With kids especially. Im spending the holiday alone because my boyfriend of almost a year will be at his ex inlaws lol. Whereas I will not be at mine.
Im just annoyed and lonely. 🙃🙃🙃
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. This time last year I was navigating a divorce and settling for feeling thankful to no longer be in an emotionally abusive marriage.
This year I’m working, so no gatherings with family or friends for me, but I’m in a new city with a new career, and I got the sweetest text from my girlfriend of six months who I love to the moon and back. So many things to be thankful for over the past year.
If it’s feeling less than festive today, know that the best things in life might be just ahead of you. Last year that was definitely the case for me.
I kind of give up. I’m tired of the job interview feeling, the care but don’t care too much, all the dating rules, the performative pressure. Tired of the racist attitudes, the abusive personalities, the guys who act like they’re the prize (why are we treating ourselves like prizes??), still in love with their ex, the porn addicts, the avoidants, the guys who try to use me for sex.. just over it right now..
Unrelated to dating.
I feel so extremely bad. Somehow after my health issues I became so irresponsible regarding my job. Now I am so late with everything. I am worried they won’t extend my contract….
I was escaping from the reality and responsibility into dating and doing nothing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I used to be such a workaholic…
Thanksgiving is big family holiday. I would even say one of the biggest. Would you tell people if you’re alone? (Dating app guys – such a breed)
Im tired.
But I’ll surely be back on the slot machine when I start feeling lonely again
If i’ve been on 8 dates over the course of 2 months and i always had to initiate, is she not that into me? we’ve haven’t even had physical intimacy yet. always makes time to hang is the nice part i guess… confusing signals… advice appreciated