My husband and I tried couples therapy for a little bit. It did not go well. She caught him in some very big lies which made me feel validated but he refused to acknowledge them
Then our insurance changed and in order to see her again we would have to actually pay (it was free before)
Because she was the first therapist to actually see his behavior, I decided to keep going with her in an individual capacity
She surprised me this week by saying the fact that he lies to me means only that he chooses to avoid the consequences of telling the truth. It does not mean he doesn't love me or respect me
I'm really having a hard time accepting that. It just seems so formed to me that someone could lie and still love you or they could lie to you with the dumbest of lies that anyone could see through and still say they respect you
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? If so, would you share your experiences to help me internalize her advice?
Edit to add: he insisted he had stopped the emotional affair with his young assistant months ago. I have evidence that he is still buying her meals and last week he lied again saying he had done so since our agreement.
This is the lying I'm talking about!
In the past, I have excused some of his lies about other things with "he's getting older and the medication he's on might be making him forgetful" or, "it's a stressful time, maybe he got things mixed up"
But now I have hard proof that this man knows he's wrong and he's purposely lying to me. I can make no more excuses for him, and I can't pretend it's not happening