I never thought I’d be posting here, but I’m at a point where I really don’t know what to do next.
My relationship is basically over even though we’re still living under the same roof. We barely speak. This person comes home, showers, changes, and heads out like they’re single. They’ve already said they want to separate, but refuse to talk about how, when, or what the plan looks like. Every attempt at a real conversation just gets avoided.
To make things even messier, we have a cruise next week that we booked months ago. So now we’re supposed to go on this trip together while not even functioning as a couple. It feels unreal.
The shift happened after I said my car was no longer available for them to use. For months, they didn’t save a dollar toward getting their own vehicle or help pay down household debts. I finally set a boundary — and everything changed overnight. Cold, distant, detached.
I also know they’re trying to buy time. There’s the Canadian citizenship process, plans for a possible university program in Puerto Rico, and I’m pretty sure the long-term goal is to eventually move to the U.S. with family who tends to spoil them and give in to everything.
Recently, they bought a car on their own without telling me anything. No conversation. No transparency. Just did it behind my back. And now, everything they do feels secretive — disappearing without saying where they’re going or who they’re with. Living like a single person while still staying in the house.
Meanwhile, I feel completely stuck. I can’t force anyone out. But I also don’t think I should be the one to leave my own home while they keep living their separate life with all the benefits and none of the responsibility. It’s like being trapped in limbo while someone else buys time and does whatever they want.
I’m lost. I feel directionless. I’m trying to stay calm and not react emotionally, but living like this feels like psychological torture. I genuinely don’t know what the next move is.
For those who’ve been through something similar:
How did you move forward when the other person refused to communicate or cooperate?
How did you escape the “living together but not together” stage?
What would you do if you were in my position?
Any advice is appreciated. I just need some clarity from people who’ve lived through this