Good evening.. this is the first time I've written here.. I've been with my husband for 8 years, 5 as engaged and 3 as married and we have 3 children.. it was the first time for both of us.. we met when we were, I was 20 and he was 24.. he suffered from depression and when he met me he had just gotten over it..
3 years ago, a month after the birth of our first child, I accidentally discovered that he was using porn videos and very frequently.. looking at the history I noticed that during the quarantine period he had used it much more, and now I understand the times in which he lost his erection.. and I also noticed that he had set aside pornography and not masturbation.. because I caught him masturbating to videos of girls dancing on tik tok..
I felt really bad about it.. I feel betrayed.. I talked about it with him.. as an explanation he gave me that he is satisfied with our sexual life and that I shouldn't take it personally.. and it was because of his lack of experiences.. I feel insecure about myself.. I can't look at him with the same eyes as before and it hurts me so much.. I don't know if he's sincere.. because I've gained 20 kilos in these 3 years with the pregnancies close together..
He seeks me sexually, we have sex 1-2 times a week.. in recent years I thought he wasn't that interested in sex.. but I was wrong.. with me he wasn't interested that much.. ever since I caught him with that video of that girl who was also in a bathing suit and also very beautiful.. a beautiful body.. I feel in comparison.. as if she or other women turned him on more than me.. also because I saw the viewing history of tik tok and they are all beautiful girls.. skinny and the opposite of me.. do you have any advice on this? Have any of you been through this? For the moment it's difficult for me to put everything aside.. when we are out and about and I see a girl with a nice body I think he looks at her with malice since I caught him on tik tok.. 2 days ago he also removed the application from his phone.. it bothered me a lot.. I told him that in this way he is making me understand that as soon as a sexy girl appears to him he can't help but masturbate.. the thing that hurt me the most is that at least porn was created for this but tik ok no.. and at least when you put on a porno you put it already when you're excited.. instead it's the girl with her movements that makes you excited and come.. what do you men think? Sorry for going on so long.. but I don't know who to talk to about it..