How do you reconnect with your spouse after having kids? My wife and I have two amazing boys who are 1.5 and 2.5 years old. We are both very active parents and partners in the household, but lately I feel like we have lost our connection. I understand that having kids changes things, but I really miss feeling intimate with her. I am not just talking about sexual intimacy; I miss the small things like kissing, cuddling, and general physical affection. I miss feeling wanted by my wife, and I am not sure how to get back to that place again.
To give some context, our daily routine looks like this. We wake the boys up together in the morning and get them ready for daycare. She drops them off since it is close to her job. We both work and usually get home around 4 p.m. I typically cook dinner for the family, and after we eat, we spend time together with the kids until bedtime. If she is tired after dinner, I encourage her to lay down and take some time for herself. I handle bath time, bedtime routines, and getting the boys settled for the night. Once they are asleep, I clean the kitchen and living room so she can relax. Her job is more demanding than mine, and I truly do not mind helping in these ways. After cleaning, we either watch something together or each do our own thing depending on how she feels. I also take the night shift if the boys wake up so she can rest.
The part I am struggling with is that I feel like I am starting to lose my love for her, and that scares me. I try hard to support her by giving her space, encouraging her to see her friends, and trying to keep the home peaceful. She offers me the same consideration, but when I actually take time for myself, she usually texts asking when I will be home, which makes me feel rushed. I do not do this to her because I genuinely want her to enjoy her time.
All I really want is respect, effort, and closeness. We rarely have sex, maybe once a month. We hardly ever kiss or hug. When we spend time together, she often falls asleep. I plan dates every other week so we can have time alone, but even those feel more like friends getting dinner rather than partners reconnecting. When I try to express how disconnected I feel, she gets defensive or says she will try, and she does for a few days before everything goes back to the same routine.
I do not want to reach a point where the love fades completely, but I feel myself moving in that direction and I do not know what to do. I am trying, but I feel stuck. How did you reconnect with your spouse after kids, and is there something I am missing or doing wrong?