Some background: my wife and I have been married for nearly 15 years. We have 3 kids, all of whom are school aged. We live in a VHCOL area.
My wife is a great and involved mom. She is active in our kids lives and volunteers for things, which she enjoys doing.
One of the problems is that she's been unemployed for nearly 6 years now. She got laid off while late in her pregnancy with our third child. We agreed that it would be too hard for her to find a job so late into her pregnancy, so we agreed it was best if she was a SAHM for the first year. The plan was for her to get back to work after a year because we knew we had to move as our current home was too small. I didn't push the issue when our third was at home with her (2.5 yrs). I understand how difficult being a SAHM could be. But even when our third started daycare, I felt she never took finding another job seriously. While she says she's open to finding a job outside of her specialized field (marketing), I've never seen her do anything to expand her skills or try for anything else. I have always made significantly more than her, so having her stay at home was doable, but it is preventing us from moving to a bigger home.
The second problem is that I feel I've built up so much resentment toward her over the years. While she has been a good mom, she has been lacking in many other aspects of our relationship and responsibilities. During the time she was a SAHM, I felt like I did 70% of the housework and other responsibilities. I'm actively involved in our kids lives too, so I felt like I was taking on a disproportionate share of the responsibilities of the household, in addition to being the only working parent. I felt like she was coasting and would only step it up when I expressed my frustrations, only to have her fall back to her ways (i.e., me doing most of everything) after a couple weeks.
Third, we have little-to-no romantic relationship anymore. I would initiate 90% of any sex and when it does happen, I feel like she's just doing her wifely duty. This makes me want to initiate it less. I'm not sure if we're even attracted to each other anymore.
Fourth, I'm not sure I have any romantic feelings for her anymore. I'm fairly practical, so I don't expect to be "in love" with my spouse forever, but I don't know if I feel much more than resentment toward her nowadays. This one scares me the most. I think we need to go to marriage counseling, but I'm not sure I'll ever have feelings for her again.
Anyways, I'm wondering the best way to address issue #1. I feel like #2-4 are something we need professional help for.
Thanks for reading my venting. I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions from a different perspective.