Hello. I am new to this so I will try to explain everything as clear and honest as possible.
I am in a happy marriage with my wife. We are both lesbians, in our twenties, married for one year.
I love her to death and this is exactly why I am asking for advice. She and I both come from fairly abusive families. I was SAd at a few points in life, my mother abused me a lot as a kid, yelled and hit me and more stuff that I will talk about only if asked.
I realized that my behavior sometimes leans to be like the people who abused me. If my wife dosent clean something I feel like I have to yell at her. I do compose myself and just end up disappointed but I do feel guilty and end up apologizing. She is autistic and has ADHD so I know it's not her fault. She never does something out of malicious intent she just forgets or dosent understand how to do it. And when I have to keep explaining something I feel angry. I feel like I just wanna snap and say "why the hell aren't you able to do this you're a grown woman" because that's probably what I heard all my life being yelled at me. I feel really guilty even tho I never snap at her like that i do sometimes lose my cool and at most explain how frustrated or disappointed i am. There were a few instances where I yelled or insulted her in the very beginning of the relationship. I'm trying to get better and improve for her because I love her and wanna give her a healthy relationship. I probably didn't explain everything too well so if there's questions I will answer them