We’ve been married 20 years. In our mid 40s and have two teens.
Husband has struggled with addiction and I didn’t realize until about a year or so into the marriage. We were young and I didn’t fully understand addiction. He is an alcoholic and in the past year has been hospitalized multiple times for withdrawal. Over the course of our marriage he has been arrested several times for DUIs, spend time in jail, spent time in rehab, etc.
He has come very close to cheating. Downloaded tinder, looks at other women on social media, etc.
When he is drunk he is verbally abusive to me. He has been physically abusive as well.
As the title states – now he is smoking crack which he has done before during the brief periods of soberity from alcohol. The first time he got it a few years ago he called escorts and met them at a hotel to get the drugs. All while claiming he didn’t do anything with them.
Now he has a dealer and whenever the mood strikes he will text the guy and go an hour away to pick it up.
I know everyone is probably like wtf why haven’t you left. Ive tried to. But he will tell me things will get better and he will change. Hope has kept me in this marriage.
I am at my wits end. I’m tired. He doesn’t work. I work full time hybrid schedule. I am the default parent the safe parent. I always need to have my shit together for the kids.
I’m of his lies. I’m tired of feeling hopeful to just be constantly let down. He does whatever he wants and whenever I express how I feel he has nothing to say. He will just look at me and say I have nothing to say.
I just really needed to get this off my chest. I know he will never change and I just wish he had the balls to be honest about it.
I just wanted to add that it hasn’t always been bad and that’s what keeps me holding on is to those parts that are normal and calm. I do love him very much but I just don’t see how I can continue on like this.