We are both in our late 50's. This is ongoing as you can tell my my previous post. Last night it came to a head.
My wife was speaking to her sister on the phone, who is toxic. Apparently her bothers son, nephew, on my wife's side, is getting married and asked if my wife could bring her Mother, his grandmother, to the wedding. We do live the closest to her and the wedding is about a 5 hour drive.
I caught some of the conversation and said what wedding? Wife said to her sister I haven't even spoken to Paul (me) about this yet. She then went outside to finish the convo.
When she came back in I asked who's wedding? She then explained that they asked her 4 days ago if she would take her mother to the wedding. Then she said I wasn't invited.
Now I get it, her bother and I have had no relationship since our wedding 35 years ago, but he also has had no relationship with his sister during that time as well.
My wife always trys to gaslight, little lies, to down play any situation. So, I said you have known about this for 4 days and I have to overhear it when you call someone else ?
I said that we have been married for 36 years, if the roles were reversed I would have said sorry, you have to arrange someone else to pick up Mum as my wife wasn't invited.
So she has known this for 4 days, already arranging to take her Mother to the wedding, and she is confused why it upset me that she didn't give me a second thought.
She trys to do the right thing by everyone else but seems to place me second or third after all these years.
It isnt even the situation that pisses me off, its her failure to understand my perspective.
As I said in my previous post, its a death of a thousand cuts, now I have had enough and told her we may need to separate for awhile. She continues to say sorry, but she is sorry I felt this way and the drama of our argument, she doesn't comprehend its that its her lack of consideration of me she should be sorry for.