I have been a stay at home dad for the past year do to a dui and lost license (just want to be upfront)
14 months sober and working on everything under the sun to better my mind and soul for my family. And it’s working
So come to find out my wife has some major control issues (my opinion). Ever since she has been the bread winner she now acts out and verbally states that I don’t have any say in parenting our child. She has gained everything she needs, to now completely destroy my confidence as a man and a dad. She is passive aggressive to the extreme, with the weird head tilt, squinted eyes and sarcastic tone throughout the day. She makes fun of me for not having a job, not having a license, and how fucked up my family is. She comes from a good family and only now am I realizing how messed up mine is. We are fortunate enough to have a great daycare for our 2yo son to go to from 8-3:30 so that helps.
FIRST- I have a job I can work any day of the week for $25hr cash $1,000 a week. But we have tried that and she doesn’t like it. She will pick and choose randomly when she feels fit. Which makes me look unreliable as hell. So it’s better to only work when we really need the money.
SECOND-her love language is acts of service, so I act. I clean like a hired hand (which I do enjoy) and cook what I know how, and have been slowly getting better at that. I get up every morning and make our son breakfast and get him ready, so she has a little extra time to chill. She works from home so I make it a point to show all other love languages daily •words of affirmation •quality time •physical touch •not so much in the gift department though. I make it a point to have her feel loved.
THIRD-the power grab she is showing as a parent is disturbing. I am an educated man who reads plenty of parenting books and applies what works for us. So to be told I don’t have a say in things just shocks me.
FOURTH-addiction is prominent in both our lives. I have sought out help through anonymous programs, both A.A and N.A. She has not. And that is where the kicker is. We are now pregnant (planned) with our second. I have finally started to put up boundaries and have been met with complete resistance and gaslighting. She is on Adderall(prescribed) still smokes a little weed and drinks almost everyday. How can she not see what she’s doing, while also belittling me over setting boundaries for my unborn child. I have shown her grace throughout all of this and started to believe I was enabling her. So now im going to Al-anon meetings(spouse’s of addicts). She has completely taken advantage of the peace
I have gained through sobriety and uses it against me. Because now to her I’m passive lol.
Luckily for me I can still give that over to my higher power and can still have peace. It’s hard.
Can someone tell me if I am looking at something serious?
I really need anyone, man or woman, to chime in if any of this resonates. It’s a lot and I’m far from perfect but I do feel like I am not alone in this. Thank you for reading 😌