Sorry, there's a lot of backstory and details because I just want to paint a really clear picture of the situation. I don't know if this is the correct sub for this but hopefully it is lol!
Back in July, my boyfriend (26M) and I (29FTM) were having sex, and afterwards he noticed that his penis was bleeding and we discovered his frenulum had ripped. It wasn't fully ripped through, kind of like a small notch was taken out of it, it bled a bit but not a copious amount. Also just for more information, I am a trans man and it was vaginal sex.
We abstained from sex for about a month until trying again after thinking it had healed, but it reopened the wound. It bled a bit again, but less than last time.
After a lot of encouragement from me, he had an appointment with a doctor over the phone. Where I live there is a severe family doctor shortage so it's kind of like a walk-in situation but with an app. He got referred to a urologist from this appointment.
In the meantime after more healing we engaged in light oral sex, which seemed to be fine, so we tried sex again and he experienced some fairly bad pain, but no bleeding. We stopped again after that.
After weeks of not hearing anything I asked if I could see the file he received, and noticed it was a bloodwork requisition. He's never had bloodwork before this so didn't realize. He had to book the bloodwork fairly far out because of his work schedule but he finally got it a few weeks ago. After not hearing anything for a couple weeks, he calls the urologist and they tell him his appointment is 3 months away.
This has all been very frustrating, in multiple ways. He is having a really hard time with the shame of it, feeling like he's broken and not wanting to engage in any physical intimacy that might make him horny. I understand how hard this is for him, I have some physical things that make me feel broken, and sex sometimes difficult too (chronic pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, and had really embarrassing and unsightly hemmerhoids before I had a hemmerhoidectomy in February) but it's also been really hard on me. I know it's not personal, but it has been making me feel really undesirable.
We've had multiple talks, but they all kind of end the same where he feels really ashamed but also bad for making me feel bad. But then there's no conclusion. I try to be very patient and understanding and gentle but it's consuming my mind and self worth.
I guess all of this is just to ask for some support in this and maybe some suggestions on how we can still be physically intimate without the pressure of sex lingering over him.