I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. For around a year and a half now he has not been intimate with me , he never tries to be intimate and he hasn’t slept with me for 18 months.
Of course I asked him many times if something was wrong and I told him if there’s something he’s insecure about or is worried about telling me , he doesn’t need to worry because he can tell me anything. I told him I have needs and for a long time now I’ve felt so lonely , forgotten, neglected and insecure in the relationship because it feels like I’m not enough for him and it’s the worst feeling when no matter how hard you try to get intimacy from the man you love he shows no interest.
It’s hurt me so much and messed with my mind , I’ve asked him every question under the sun , if there’s another woman/women , if he’s having some medical problem he is embarrassed to tell me about or if he just isn’t attracted to me but the only response he ever gives is “I’m attracted to you I keep telling you this” but his actions say the opposite. I also think it’s important to add he has never been a great boyfriend, he isn’t romantic and I’ve spent majority of the relationship having to beg him to do things. I know people will think why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like him and to be honest I don’t know, I stupidly became attached to him and fell in love and I wish I hadn’t because he’s brought so much pain into my life and I know I should of left the relationship a long time ago.
Recently all the pain and insecurity he has made me feel has built up and I couldn’t keep it in anymore , his reaction to me getting upset was “ you are crazy , you know I’m attracted to you so I don’t know why you’re saying all this” and I kept repeating to him how unwanted he makes me feel, how it feels like my body isn’t enough for him and all I want is to feel wanted by him in every way but he kept invalidating my feelings and not communicating. Then I asked him why haven’t you touched me? why won’t you sleep with me? and he said “ I don’t know” but I kept pressing him for an answer while crying my eyes out and I said “ You must know please just tell me” and his response was “I don’t know , maybe there must be something wrong with your body because I don’t feel that sexual attraction to you” this broke me to hear him say that , I’ve never felt my heart hurt as much as it did when he said that.
My weight has always been the same since the beginning of the relationship until now so I still look the same and even if I didn’t , that would still not be ok for someone who claims to love you to speak to you so horribly and coldly. I’m all for being honest but I feel like he led me on , lied to me and then bodyshamed me like it was no big deal and it’s deeply affected me , my mental health isn’t in a good place. To make it worse , one of his close friends he reached out to me after me and my boyfriend argued and his friend said to me “ Why are you upset? he didn’t do anything wrong” and I told his friend what my boyfriend had said about my body and his friend called me a liar and said my boyfriend never said that to me and that I’m crazy. I’m so unhappy , my mind is all over the place , I want to end the relationship and I needed to vent about it all because I’ve felt so invalidated and all the gaslighting has hurt me.