I am currently waiting to go get checked for colon cancer this week. However, I first noticed blood in 2020 and did absolutely nothing. For no other reason than because I am irresponsible and an idiot. I told myself there was no way I could go see a doctor during the pandemic, and that I would just wait and see if it cleared up and see a doctor when I was able. The pandemic came and went and I still did nothing, I just pushed it out of my mind. Over the next 5 years more symptoms began to pop up; erratic bowel habits, pain and cramping, increasingly thin stool, etc. Still, I did nothing. I kept placating myself with little lies. It can't be cancer because I'm so young, it can't be cancer because I don't feel tired, it can't be cancer because I'm not losing weight. I think I was just so scared of getting checked and finding out it was cancer. Which I now understand how ridiculous that sounds, because if I would have got checked at literally any point in the last 5 years and it was cancer or precancerous polyps I could have done something about it very easily. As of the last month or so the symptoms have gotten to a point where they are basically immistakable as colon cancer symptoms. Most recently the very distinct cramping sensation in my left side colon every time a bowel movement moves past, sometimes struggling to pass… something I've read is basically endgame. Needless to say, I plan to get checked on Friday, and I'm terrified. I'm trying my best to just enjoy these couple days best I can, because I know once I get a diagnosis everything is going to be different and nothing is going to feel the same again. But what's even worse than the fear is my crippling debilitating feeling of regret and anger at myself for not going and getting checked sooner, the feeling that I absolutely 100% could have changed this entire outcome but I actively chose not to, and potentially prematurely ended my life. How do I stop feeling this way? How do I get these thoughts out of my head? How do I get myself to a place mentally and emotionally where I can stop pacing around my room and actually sit down and enjoy a night of watching movies or talking to friends? I have never felt this depressed in my entire life, and I feel like this depression is stealing what could be the last of my "good" days.
25 comments
I think you should stop beating yourself up and instead, be happy that you’re taking ownership of the situation. Please go see a doctor immediately.
My dad passed away at 70 years of age from colon cancer, because he hadn’t gotten a colonoscopy. Just get it taken care of now, and you’ll be okay. Maybe it’s not cancer! Wishing you luck.
I hope the best for you friend.
The past is in the past. The past can still hurt, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Besides, learn from it, accept it and move on.
I hope you don’t have cancer, but if you do, Cancer is largely out of your control besides your attitude and tenacity as you go through the process. Forgive yourself, try to find peace, and take the doctors advice, seriously. if for any reason, the doctor’s advice is outlandish, makes you uncomfortable, or perhaps you’re just not totally convinced do not hesitate to get a second opinion for something like this it is very common and normally hospitals will have teams with people that collaborate on individual cases to help decide therapy courses
Good luck, brother
Cliche as it sounds- you CANNOT change the past. It’s a decision made in the past and that’s where it lives. There is Zero benefit to rethinking on that issue. Try to promise yourself to do all you can moving forward and focus on that. Godspeed OP
I don’t have a lot of advice as I’ve never dealt with something like this myself.
With that said, seeing family and friends deal with it and trying to be a support system, I’d say try to start by not jumping to conclusions. Maybe it’s exactly what you think, maybe it’s not as bad as what you think, maybe it’s not even cancer. I’m sure it’s not easy, but try to wake up each day telling yourself you’ll let medical experts guide you and try not to assume worst case scenario. Stay upbeat, surround yourself with good people, surround yourself with positivity, eat well, stay hydrated, and live to the fullest extent you can.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, wishing you the best and hoping it’s not as serious as it may feel to you at the moment.
I had constipation for 6 months with intermittent bleeding in my stools for years
went and got it checked out with a colonoscopy assuming the worst
just hemmorhoids lol
not saying you’ll be fine because I don’t know but it was a massive relief for me
It could be a lot of things. Could be a hemorrhoid (bleeding) the other could be Diverticulitis. Sufferer here go to our sub and see lots with similar symptoms . Could be a lot of other things than the big C. Won’t know till you do a colonoscopy. They might give you a CT to check for diverticulitis and any masses.
Good luck and if the cancer they can typically treat
Sending you vibes. We call this “scan-xiety” in the community. I’m not sure if it helps, but even if you caught it early, you’d still be stressed about tests. You did what you could with the info that you have, and you’re not a bad human for making the picks you made.
Stress is a cancer risk too. Chill out, even if you are officially diagnosed. It’ll make you feel worse and you’ll have enough to deal with
I have a bunch of other stuff to say but yeah this is the main idea
Are you expecting different answers than the last time you posted about this 3 days ago and every comment told you it probably wasn’t cancer? It seems like you’re just fishing for confirmation, in which case you have an *anxiety* problem, not cancer. You don’t have a diagnosis, take a fucking breath bro. It could be a hundred different things other than colon cancer.
My girlfriend has been dealing with bad stomach issues her whole life, her grandma died of colon cancer and her mom had most of her intestines removed due to colitis. Finally worked up the courage to get a colonoscopy and endoscopy done and *both came back spotless*, she’s just sensitive to certain foods and has hemorrhoids. Take a fucking breath, you most likely don’t have cancer, you do sound like you have some serious mental health issues to address. Get an appointment with a psych doctor queued up next to deal with your depression and anxiety, it sounds like it’s seriously wearing on you and that’s no way to live.
Regardless of the outcome, you’re going to feel better once you’ve visited a doctor and have some certainty on your condition. There is still a very real chance you do not have cancer. Focus on the positives. As others have said, you can’t undo the last, but you can start doing the right things right now in order to have the best possible outcome.
There is absolutely zero certainty that it is cancer. Get it checked, and get it taken care of.
A church friend waited too long for his 1st colonoscopy and was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. Surgeries and chemo seem to have cured it but he went through a real struggle with it.
It could be hemorrhoids as well. Those can bleed a lot but you get other symptoms around your rectum – itching, lumps, discomfort.
Good luck my friend.
I was having afib attacks. I though it was a panic or anxiety attack. Ended up in heart failure in the ER. I couldn’t cardio-vert and was in afib for months while medicated. Got ablation in December of last year. I’m off most of my medication and my heart rhythm is good. Overall I’m a lot healthier.
Yes I wish I had gone to the hospital immediately when it first happened and started treating myself.
I just think I didn’t want to face it. Once I faced it and started treating it things went a lot better for me.
Those aren’t just cancer symptoms. There’s a pretty big range of differential diagnoses for what you’re talking about. I don’t have great advice because it’s not likely to be an easy diagnosis, but at least it might not be a fatal diagnosis. I’d say right now, you just don’t know where you’re going to end up.
Would you do us a favor and update when you get diagnosed? It’ll be easier to give you the advice you need when you know what’s what.
Ummm.
I had a bit of blood in my pee for an hr.
Left it knowing I had varcies from liver , cancer, etc.
I decided to go to ED, threw up varcial blood on triage nurse from an esophageal gi bleed, think horror film projectile vomited.
Resus bed, no1 patient in ED
Blood,, platelets, arrested , surgery.
Still scares me, examine everything coming out of my body.
Will, planned where I would be buried
14 years ago this was me. I ignored the signs, waited too long, and my doctor told me to get a colonoscopy. Then I waited another month to get one because I really didn’t want to do one. Then symptoms got worse, I got checked, and got diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer.
The biggest thing to remember through the entire process is you only know what your doctor tells you. It sounds like right now you know nothing. Focus on that, and not the worst case scenario that’s naturally going to run through mind.
Please refer to Steve Jobs for how well denial works when it comes to cancer.
However, in my personal observations, your attitude seems to have a close correlation to your outcome. If you mentally surrender to the disease, your body seems to depress its immune response. Enjoy every day.
My symptoms were the same as yours, and yes, it was cancer. I regret the way I behaved after the diagnosis, which was frank denial of how the surgery would change my life. I was going to treat it like a speed bump.
Oh no. First I had to admit I needed MUCH more help than I thought, then I had to accept it when offered. That took 5 weeks. It was rough.
Then I had to accept a whole new road had opened up. First, my career was in the bin. No great loss, I was merely retiring a year early. The weight loss meant my old clothes started fitting. The chemo is tiresome, but the side effects are minimal. The oncologists are pleased, and there’s no news from the 2 months scan. Frankly, I look and feel pretty good for a man who’s undergone seven hours of a robot up his arse.
I take each day as it comes. So will you.
Strength and good luck.
I was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer at the young age of 28, a month before my 29th birthday. I’m almost 38 and feel and look better then I did pre cancer. still went through chemo and never lost a spect of hair. Go get checked weather you have any symptoms or not. The scariest experience of my life but it absolutely made me a better and more resilient man and father. The cancer has been gone ever since but I still get annual colonoscopies just to be safe.
What was the issue that you had with going to the Dr. during the pandemic?
Just curious.
Got a kid diagnosed with autism this week. He’s a teenager. I wish we had done it sooner – he’d have more support in school, I probably would have been a better father to him because I’d understand why he is the way he is. On and on.
And in hindsight we probably knew a while ago from about age 5. He just had some oddities that he didn’t grow out. But they weren’t super obvious flashing light autism, more like the check engine light flashed a few times and went back out.
That being said, I’m focused on simply doing better from here on out. Being the best supportive Dad I can be for him so he has the best chances in life. Being kind to him when he doesn’t understand the world around him because his brain doesn’t work that way. That’s all I can do.
Living in regret will mean I am not living in the present for him right now, and proactive for his siblings.
I hope no matter the outcome of your screening, you live your life in the present and as proactive as you can.
Also I’m gonna get my colon scoped as soon as I turn 45.
Was it red fresh blood or did it look like coffee grounds?
I highly, highly encourage you to seek a grief capable counselor or even an end of life counselor, regardless of the outcome of your colonoscopy. There is still so much beauty ahead, even if it’s “just” tomorrow’s sunrise.
not too late but wasnt too far off. Minor discomfort when i sat, sort if tickling feeling that went away if i shuffled. GP didnt think too serious, gastroenterologist thought maybe mild colitis. woke up from my scope and that was the first time cancer was mentioned. stace 3c. Was given 50/50 to get through and had chemo/radiation large chunk of my bowels removed, 4 months of mop up chemo, clots and a year on thinners that delayed getting my plumbing put back inside. that was 10 years ago.
Coming out the other end is possibly worse. Everything feels like it could be a symptom that its back. dont want to cry wolf but dont want to miss something that would have been obvious with hindsight. all you can do is get to the doctors now and get expert opinions. Could i have found it earlier? maybe but even the experts didnt think a lot of it.
I think enjoying their life is the whole reason they ignore the problem in the first place