Sorry, this turned out very long. Thank you for reading in advance.
So, I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years, except for a two month breakup (I broke up with him, due to feeling he couldn’t be there for me emotionally) back in June.
The split was very amicable, we stayed in contact sporadically over text, then we met up again once to talk, where he told me that he’d realised he’d messed up and he hoped that I could give him another chance. We laid down some ground rules for how and what we were going to handle it, what needed to change from both sides etc etc, and I thought that we covered everything. This is a very short summary of what happened, the conversation we had that day was way more in depth, but I don’t want to make this too long. (Will obviously provide details if someone asks for them in the comments)
Some more backstory. My mom has had Alzheimer’s since I was about 17, probably earlier, but by then it was very apparent. She got the formal diagnosis when I was 18, and she got sent to the nursing home only last year. It’s been rough.
My partner has never once asked to come with me when I visited, even though I always made it clear that visiting was very hard for me, and no one ever came with me. Yes, I’m aware that this was also a communication issue from my part, as I’m not sure I asked. One thing I do remember saying is “I don’t wanna go alone, but I know it’d be uncomfortable for you so I don’t wanna ask” and he just didn’t really respond.
Fast forward to last week. We were hanging out at my place, and I was thinking about this whole ordeal. I asked him why he’d never gone with, as I feel like having your partner come for support for these things is a relationship thing to do, but it also feels incredibly needy of me to even want that of my partner. So I asked him about it, and he said this:
“Yeah my mom actually asked me the same thing the other day, and I just get really uncomfortable with sick people so I don’t like to go visit them. I didn’t come visit my dad much when he was in the hospital even. I’d like to do other things to support you and I’ve gone with you to support you for other things, but I just get uncomfortable with this.”
And I truly do get that sentiment, and if that’s a boundary he has that’s fine I guess? But I feel like you sometimes give up some comfort for your partner. It’s been gnawing at me.
Is it unreasonable of me to feel like my partner should be willing to come with me to see my mom with Alzheimer’s?