It's really for the best. We had a great relationship while we dated – 10 years. We got married 5 years ago. He then decided to stop taking his anxiety/ptsd meds, stop therapy. I haven't liked him since then. He rants. Gets himself worked up. He explodes & says horrible things. Yesterday he told me I'm a bragger, a liar, I'm materialistic… Told me I'm never satisfied. Told me I should have sex because we are married – that's an issue, because when he rants, I'm reminded of how much I dislike this personality. He never apologizes. He just thinks I should get over it. I don't feel like having sex, because he's not who I married & I'm always getting over the last rant. He thinks it's a "duty" to have sex when married. & he made a joke & laughed about something he did to me early on that almost caused us to split. He apologized then, but yesterday he brought it back up to upset me. Just a full day of ranting, that started with him getting upset that I asked a question too early in the AM. He was up before me, making coffee. I hugged him. Said good morning. Poured coffee. Wondered out loud if I should buy a new dishwasher & install it ourselves or use paper plates on Thanksgiving & wait for a Black Friday sale. (Our dishwasher just tanked, 6 days before Thanksgiving. ) & bam. Rage. He wasn't going to clean up on Thanksgiving. Not going to get up & smoke a turkey & be tired all day. & it just escalated into he hates me. & I 100% didn't back down this time. I'm tired of using all my negotiating skills & calm energy to diffuse the situation. Tired of walking away & dealing with his crap. Worried he would do this on Thanksgiving in front of the whole family. I told him things like "yeah? What else do you have to say? What else do you hate about me? Just rip off the band-baid! Get it all out!!!" & it just kept flowing forth, like sewage. & it hurt. I'm 50/50 on if he really meant it, if that's how he really feels or if it's the ptsd/anxiety. He never brought any of it up before, in a calm way. It's only when he's ranting & raging. He's never been violent with me, btw. I don't feel that he would. His mouth just won't stop running.
So today, he's been quiet, packing his car. He's headed to stay with family out of state, but he packed like it's the preliminary trip of a permanent move. Mentioned bringing a truck back. He waited for me to come inside before he left. Hugged me, he said "sorry" twice, he started to cry & left. I want to tell him to come back, try again, reconsider therapy & meds…
But please talk me down. If I sit here & talk to reddit, at least I won't call him & tell him to turn around. He hasn't said sorry to me since he stopped his meds & it's messing with me.