During a Sequence game at a friends house, my fiance got angry after we lost several times. In this game, you aren’t supposed to discuss your moves or anything out loud, but silently work with your partner to win. He assumed I was the reason we kept losing and at the end of the game asked to see my hand. Sensing his frustration I told him he didn’t need to see my hand, even smiled and laughed it off.
He proceeded to tell me I’m not a proper team member, in life or in the game. And when I kept saying no, he yelled and said im acting like a f-ing b. And then repeated it. Our friends stepped in and said to lower his voice and not cuss.
I got up to leave and our friends convinced me not to. The tension cooled and we went about our night.
Fast forward to the next night, as we’re walking into the movies I reiterate that if he ever yells or curses like that at me again, we will immediately leave and I will take space away from him. I told him it wasn’t okay and his response was “some people need to be yelled at”. He then threw the keys at me and said he’d walk himself home.
I sat in the car and he texted cruel messages like “I now know why men stay single.” And “You fail in a lot of ways as a partner too.”
Eventually I decided I wanted to see the movie and joined him, even while feeling hurt.
The next morning he apologized. But when I asked if he meant the hurtful things that he said in the texts he defended his words. I hate that he can never own up to anything. His go to response when I point out a boundary he crossed is to bring up something about me he doesn’t like. I hate feeling like he’s never going to change, it makes me feel like we’re doomed as a couple.
We’ve been together a decade, and the way he sometimes talks to me has been a repeated topic over the years. He says we have a year to figure it out (before the wedding), how is it I’m still here asking for basic respect? Just makes me sad.