As stated in the title, but if not, what made you continue to try dating? If you gavs up dating, what did you do instead?
41 comments
Coz the type of guy i want doesn’t exist or hiding somewhere from me and the guys actually approach me are not my type not at all,not even 0.001% my type 🥀🥀🥀
It started to make me question my self worth, and I didn’t want to compromise my self-esteem over guys who I barely know and mean nothing to me in the long run
I knew from a young age that I was too unattractive to be able to be in a relationship.
I also have vaginismus so I don’t plan on ever having sex, and not interested in non monogamy, so it’s best that I am on my own. I just live my life. The touch starvation can be hard at times but I’m usually not too bothered by lack of romance/intimacy in my life.
At first, it was because I was tired of being disappointed by emotionally stunned and immature boys pretending to be men. I focused on myself and my individual happiness, and I was finally in a place where I didn’t need or want a man. I was content. Then I met my husband when I least expected it. 😆
I’m trying to not. I’m working on being a better optimist, and a part of that is taking people for who they are. I just had a relationship (that wasn’t like a defined relationship) end after approx a month. It sucked, and I did hurt for a few days. But I keep reminding myself that it’s okay if someone decides against a future with me. 99% of the time, it’s not something that I should take personally.
The man who is meant for me will be sure about me. My future husband is out there, and I know that I’ll find him one day. Especially in today’s world, I’m bound to meet a million frogs, but one of them will be the prince I’ve been waiting on. The universe (or whatever deity you believe in) has not thrown me any challenges I couldn’t handle. So why should I back down from this one?
Plus, I like to think of it as a case of: how lucky am I to meet person after person, who is interesting and unique in their own way? How lucky am I to fall in love easily, even if it means being hurt? I deserve to live a life full of love, even if some of it is only temporary. And I deserve to feel the good just as much, if not even more so, than the bad. So I will fall in love over and over with someone new, and I will hope that they will be my long term person. But if not, well… I know I’m just another day closer towards finding that for myself.
Been through so much in life. Trauma,lies, manipulation. I don’t know what a healthy family or relationship looks like. I don’t know..
I felt like there was a degree of desperation in online dating and the men I came across were emotionally immature or just wanted to get into my pants. I have accepted a life of being single and am content with that. I think I’m so used to being on my own now I don’t know if I could be in a relationship anymore. Unfortunately my opinion on men is quite low so I probably repel them without knowing haha.
I don’t enjoy it
I decided that I have suffered enough. I’m not willing to put myself out there and give my all for so little in return. It’s just not worth it.
Too many traumas and insecurities around relationships, I’m also too old I think. I don’t think I could believe if someone says they like me, that’s like the biggest red flag imaginable in my head. But I’m also afraid for someone putting the effort in to pierce all my defenses, I think I’ll end up crying for days. I’m used to dealing with hate, not affection.
Tried it a couple of times, boring and exhausting. I don’t want to put too much effort into it, if I’m not myself, it doesn’t make sense to be in one!
Bonus, the man of my dreams doesn’t exist, sadly, he’s a mishmash of many men 😂
I gave it up like you give up smoking. Low ROI.
Because most of them are emotionally immature
[removed]
I’ve been completely faithful and monogamous for 33 of the last 36 years and I’ve had enough. I want some fun while I still can.
Because I’m tired. Just want to be left alone and not lied to.
Guys keep disappointing me.
I believe in one women for life. Met one, loved her but she had to go apart.
I am done. Don’t want to feel all that again for anyone. Feels wrong
Not the right time for me
I have been hurt so incredibly badly, the breakup that goes from “I love you, I need you, I can’t wait to call you wife” to “oh I’ve decided we’re not compatible and I don’t want to try bc I want to enjoy my summer. Oh, and btw I’ve been building so much resentment towards you of things I’ve not communicated, and it’s all your fault!” really suddenly. It really messed me up.
It’s been the most painful things I’ve ever went through, the biggest emotional betrayal, and it truly broke my capacity to trust and anso fucked up my self esteem.
I’m not giving up on dating forever, I don’t think. Who knows, maybe in time I can heal. But just thinking about it at the moment makes me sick.
I want to love, I don’t want to date. It feels impossible to find someone who’s feeling the same. I’m also very complex emotionally, with a complicated past, most men I met couldn’t deal with it.
I just don’t have the energy for all of it right now.
I found dating was increasing my anxiety, turns out having to manage my safety and navigate constant challenges to my boundaries is stressful. I simply stopped. Instead I’m focused on my hobbies.
Guys told me straight to my face, that I am ugly and smell bad. With hair that looks like a rat’s nest, so I gave up 20-25 years ago. I burn every wedding invitation, baby shower and anything else that has to do with relationships. Don’t suggest therapy or finding Jesus. That’s a big waste of my time and don’t suggest plastic surgery either. I’m meant to be all alone and after I turn 50. I’m selling everything I own, and I am leaving the United States, with it’s stupid, superficial toxic and dumbass dating culture.
I feel like a lot of men have nothing to offer, but ask for a lot. It’s just not worth it.
To put it bluntly … a majority of men are emotionally stunted losers looking for a mommy and not actually wanting to *be* a partner with someone. I’m not interested in being a babysitter to a grown man.
due to laziness
Had a guy I was really into, things were going well. Started noticing some strange signs, mostly from his friends. Realized he was sharing extremely explicit videos and pics of me in their group chat. Reading through it was terrifying.
Still dated, but retreated heavily for a long time. This was before there were any laws about it so I was just left to deal with it.
Reward is not worth risk.
To heal from trauma, to focus on therapy, to rediscover myself and to learn to trust myself again
Disinterest.
Given my experience, now that im older, im fairly convinced men arent capable of loving a woman my age. I concede this may just be a bad headspace, but the media saturation with red pill stuff i am pretty much convinced my age works against me, and I havnt yet grown out of wanting to be desired.
Cause I was lazy. That was really it. I didn’t like it. I don’t like dating. Men who want just sex, want to move fast or are head over heels. It’s all just overwhelming. So I was thinking “fck this” and just forgot about it, honestly.
Then I got approached, refused to go fast again, stuck to my guns and…he didn’t lose interest or became pushy so it worked out.
It’s just not worth it to me. Sure, a relationship means I get to experience life with someone, but even in healthy relationships, it feels like that life is cut in half. From what to eat, what to watch, where to go, what to do, even what to listen to, everything that could be simple becomes a conversation, compromise, or consideration. Not to mention things like how to spend each holiday, what money is put toward what, or life decisions like switching jobs or moving. The companionship I did enjoy in relationships is easily found in friendship for me. Talking about what to eat or where to go or what show to binge together is fun with friends, it’s an activity. In a relationship, it’s everyday life. There’s no end to it. Choosing to be single means my life is literally *my* life. I get to spend it doing whatever I want in whatever way works for me and including other people is always a choice.
I don’t like knowing there are that many sub-par guys out there. I work hard on myself, every day. I spend every day trying to do better for myself and to make my life the way I want. Meeting guys who make it so obvious they have no ambitions and are looking for a woman, any woman, just to take care of them?
It’s the ick of all icks and it gave me the ick for men in general.
It would take seeing a guy actually putting in the effort to change my mind. Most aren’t up for that challenge. I’d rather stay single than willingly put an anchor around my own neck.
the fellas are lacking
I gave up on dating coz I was tired of constant disappointment and meeting new people all over again just to make it last for like a couple of weeks. I hated it. I’m better on my own than with most people and well maybe I’m picky or maybe I’m just unlucky to find the right person in my environment. Either way I’ll just see what life will bring.
Too many creeps, predators and guys who conveniently forget to mention their wife and kids
I’ve never had a positive example of love, I’m still not sure I believe it’s a thing I gave up 1. Because I was looking for anything that would take me and 2. Because it wasn’t fair on anyone I started talking to or dated when I didn’t/ don’t believe in love
Because I’ve made a series of bad choices with my exes, it became a pattern, and I am terrified to make the same mistake (s) again😊
I feel like there was some truth to my mom nagging me that all the ‘good ones’ will be gone after a certain age. There is a reason why single men are single beyond 35ish (there are exceptions of course, I’m speaking more generally here).
It’s just extremely demoralising to make a lot of effort to appease a man only to find how unworthy he is of all that effort.
I think I’ve also become more demanding in my standards of men (I want someone to fit into the life I’ve already built for myself. I don’t want to make sacrifices in my career etc for them), and men my age have too (they also have a theoretically larger dating pool. Many men my age are happy dating women 10-15 years younger than themselves, but are only willing to date a few years older).
All in all, if I have to be lonely and unhappy, i would rather be that because of my own actions rather than due to someone else’s behaviour.
41 comments
Coz the type of guy i want doesn’t exist or hiding somewhere from me and the guys actually approach me are not my type not at all,not even 0.001% my type 🥀🥀🥀
It started to make me question my self worth, and I didn’t want to compromise my self-esteem over guys who I barely know and mean nothing to me in the long run
I knew from a young age that I was too unattractive to be able to be in a relationship.
I also have vaginismus so I don’t plan on ever having sex, and not interested in non monogamy, so it’s best that I am on my own. I just live my life. The touch starvation can be hard at times but I’m usually not too bothered by lack of romance/intimacy in my life.
At first, it was because I was tired of being disappointed by emotionally stunned and immature boys pretending to be men. I focused on myself and my individual happiness, and I was finally in a place where I didn’t need or want a man. I was content. Then I met my husband when I least expected it. 😆
I’m trying to not. I’m working on being a better optimist, and a part of that is taking people for who they are. I just had a relationship (that wasn’t like a defined relationship) end after approx a month. It sucked, and I did hurt for a few days. But I keep reminding myself that it’s okay if someone decides against a future with me. 99% of the time, it’s not something that I should take personally.
The man who is meant for me will be sure about me. My future husband is out there, and I know that I’ll find him one day. Especially in today’s world, I’m bound to meet a million frogs, but one of them will be the prince I’ve been waiting on. The universe (or whatever deity you believe in) has not thrown me any challenges I couldn’t handle. So why should I back down from this one?
Plus, I like to think of it as a case of: how lucky am I to meet person after person, who is interesting and unique in their own way? How lucky am I to fall in love easily, even if it means being hurt? I deserve to live a life full of love, even if some of it is only temporary. And I deserve to feel the good just as much, if not even more so, than the bad. So I will fall in love over and over with someone new, and I will hope that they will be my long term person. But if not, well… I know I’m just another day closer towards finding that for myself.
Been through so much in life. Trauma,lies, manipulation. I don’t know what a healthy family or relationship looks like. I don’t know..
I felt like there was a degree of desperation in online dating and the men I came across were emotionally immature or just wanted to get into my pants. I have accepted a life of being single and am content with that. I think I’m so used to being on my own now I don’t know if I could be in a relationship anymore. Unfortunately my opinion on men is quite low so I probably repel them without knowing haha.
I don’t enjoy it
I decided that I have suffered enough. I’m not willing to put myself out there and give my all for so little in return. It’s just not worth it.
Too many traumas and insecurities around relationships, I’m also too old I think. I don’t think I could believe if someone says they like me, that’s like the biggest red flag imaginable in my head. But I’m also afraid for someone putting the effort in to pierce all my defenses, I think I’ll end up crying for days. I’m used to dealing with hate, not affection.
Tried it a couple of times, boring and exhausting. I don’t want to put too much effort into it, if I’m not myself, it doesn’t make sense to be in one!
Bonus, the man of my dreams doesn’t exist, sadly, he’s a mishmash of many men 😂
I gave it up like you give up smoking. Low ROI.
Because most of them are emotionally immature
[removed]
I’ve been completely faithful and monogamous for 33 of the last 36 years and I’ve had enough. I want some fun while I still can.
Because I’m tired. Just want to be left alone and not lied to.
Guys keep disappointing me.
I believe in one women for life. Met one, loved her but she had to go apart.
I am done. Don’t want to feel all that again for anyone. Feels wrong
Not the right time for me
I have been hurt so incredibly badly, the breakup that goes from “I love you, I need you, I can’t wait to call you wife” to “oh I’ve decided we’re not compatible and I don’t want to try bc I want to enjoy my summer. Oh, and btw I’ve been building so much resentment towards you of things I’ve not communicated, and it’s all your fault!” really suddenly. It really messed me up.
It’s been the most painful things I’ve ever went through, the biggest emotional betrayal, and it truly broke my capacity to trust and anso fucked up my self esteem.
I’m not giving up on dating forever, I don’t think. Who knows, maybe in time I can heal. But just thinking about it at the moment makes me sick.
I want to love, I don’t want to date. It feels impossible to find someone who’s feeling the same. I’m also very complex emotionally, with a complicated past, most men I met couldn’t deal with it.
I just don’t have the energy for all of it right now.
I found dating was increasing my anxiety, turns out having to manage my safety and navigate constant challenges to my boundaries is stressful. I simply stopped. Instead I’m focused on my hobbies.
Guys told me straight to my face, that I am ugly and smell bad. With hair that looks like a rat’s nest, so I gave up 20-25 years ago. I burn every wedding invitation, baby shower and anything else that has to do with relationships. Don’t suggest therapy or finding Jesus. That’s a big waste of my time and don’t suggest plastic surgery either. I’m meant to be all alone and after I turn 50. I’m selling everything I own, and I am leaving the United States, with it’s stupid, superficial toxic and dumbass dating culture.
I feel like a lot of men have nothing to offer, but ask for a lot. It’s just not worth it.
To put it bluntly … a majority of men are emotionally stunted losers looking for a mommy and not actually wanting to *be* a partner with someone. I’m not interested in being a babysitter to a grown man.
due to laziness
Had a guy I was really into, things were going well. Started noticing some strange signs, mostly from his friends. Realized he was sharing extremely explicit videos and pics of me in their group chat. Reading through it was terrifying.
Still dated, but retreated heavily for a long time. This was before there were any laws about it so I was just left to deal with it.
Reward is not worth risk.
To heal from trauma, to focus on therapy, to rediscover myself and to learn to trust myself again
Disinterest.
Given my experience, now that im older, im fairly convinced men arent capable of loving a woman my age. I concede this may just be a bad headspace, but the media saturation with red pill stuff i am pretty much convinced my age works against me, and I havnt yet grown out of wanting to be desired.
Cause I was lazy. That was really it. I didn’t like it. I don’t like dating. Men who want just sex, want to move fast or are head over heels. It’s all just overwhelming. So I was thinking “fck this” and just forgot about it, honestly.
Then I got approached, refused to go fast again, stuck to my guns and…he didn’t lose interest or became pushy so it worked out.
It’s just not worth it to me. Sure, a relationship means I get to experience life with someone, but even in healthy relationships, it feels like that life is cut in half. From what to eat, what to watch, where to go, what to do, even what to listen to, everything that could be simple becomes a conversation, compromise, or consideration. Not to mention things like how to spend each holiday, what money is put toward what, or life decisions like switching jobs or moving. The companionship I did enjoy in relationships is easily found in friendship for me. Talking about what to eat or where to go or what show to binge together is fun with friends, it’s an activity. In a relationship, it’s everyday life. There’s no end to it. Choosing to be single means my life is literally *my* life. I get to spend it doing whatever I want in whatever way works for me and including other people is always a choice.
I don’t like knowing there are that many sub-par guys out there. I work hard on myself, every day. I spend every day trying to do better for myself and to make my life the way I want. Meeting guys who make it so obvious they have no ambitions and are looking for a woman, any woman, just to take care of them?
It’s the ick of all icks and it gave me the ick for men in general.
It would take seeing a guy actually putting in the effort to change my mind. Most aren’t up for that challenge. I’d rather stay single than willingly put an anchor around my own neck.
the fellas are lacking
I gave up on dating coz I was tired of constant disappointment and meeting new people all over again just to make it last for like a couple of weeks. I hated it. I’m better on my own than with most people and well maybe I’m picky or maybe I’m just unlucky to find the right person in my environment. Either way I’ll just see what life will bring.
Too many creeps, predators and guys who conveniently forget to mention their wife and kids
I’ve never had a positive example of love, I’m still not sure I believe it’s a thing I gave up 1. Because I was looking for anything that would take me and 2. Because it wasn’t fair on anyone I started talking to or dated when I didn’t/ don’t believe in love
Because I’ve made a series of bad choices with my exes, it became a pattern, and I am terrified to make the same mistake (s) again😊
I feel like there was some truth to my mom nagging me that all the ‘good ones’ will be gone after a certain age. There is a reason why single men are single beyond 35ish (there are exceptions of course, I’m speaking more generally here).
It’s just extremely demoralising to make a lot of effort to appease a man only to find how unworthy he is of all that effort.
I think I’ve also become more demanding in my standards of men (I want someone to fit into the life I’ve already built for myself. I don’t want to make sacrifices in my career etc for them), and men my age have too (they also have a theoretically larger dating pool. Many men my age are happy dating women 10-15 years younger than themselves, but are only willing to date a few years older).
All in all, if I have to be lonely and unhappy, i would rather be that because of my own actions rather than due to someone else’s behaviour.