We started dating right before the start of this year. Two months into the relationship she wanted to catch up with her ex, which I said okay to, despite it making me uncomfortable because I don’t like stopping people from doing what they want to do. For context, he broke up with her three months before her and I started dating because he wasn’t interested in her anymore and wanted to have sex with other people (He said that to her face).
After they got coffee and dinner she texted me how it went and I listened. Late that night we FaceTimed and she was telling me about political happenings because that’s her favorite thing in the world and I love listening to her passion. That night I was tired and her voice is quite soothing to me so I started to fall asleep. She then started to sob uncontrollably (she is not a cryer at all). I don’t remember what she said exactly, but it was something along the lines of “That’s what I realized today I don’t have anyone to share this part of me with”. I ask her if her ex fulfills her in that way, which causes her to freeze. That reaction really hurts me so I set the phone down and she starts apologizing profusely. She pays for a Lyft to my house and tries really hard to explain herself and says that she has no friends interested in politics but she just needs anyone to talk about it with. I tell her it’s okay so that she is able to calm down so she can sleep and go to work.
Deep down it has been eating away at me for months and I don’t know how to make peace with it. She is very understanding and is willing to listen and talk about it no matter how much I need to, but I don’t like bringing this up ever. Before this she said that I have been the only partner to make her feel as equally loved. But Now I am just getting colder and colder, which hurts her a lot. I feel feel very guilty of course, but it’s my brains natural response to help deal with the mental anguish I feel from it. I just want to be over it. I don’t like thinking about it at all.
I don’t know if it’s a small thing. She tells me is very understandable that it hurt me so much, but I don’t know what to do with that. She basically told me to my face that her ex fulfills her in a way that I don’t. I am very anti talking to exes. All of mine are blocked. She makes it seem like it’s a normal thing but I don’t know if that’s true. They text very infrequently to my knowledge, every couple of months or so. Do you kind folk have any suggestions for an emotional fella such as myself? Thank you so much. Sorry if this is a but incompressible, I had to type this quickly.