I need to vent about something that happened today. I’ve been dealing with ongoing verbal and emotional abuse in my marriage, and today it escalated in a way that left me feeling exhausted, angry, and unsafe emotionally.
Earlier, we were discussing Thanksgiving plans, specifically the meal I wanted to make for my brother. I was explaining that I needed to check what he likes because he sometimes doesn’t enjoy sweet-savory dishes. I repeated myself a few times to clarify and to make sure my husband understood, and I even told him I was repeating myself because I wanted confirmation that he really understood.
He repeatedly said he understood, but then started yelling at me, saying I was annoying him by repeating myself. I calmly explained that I was not being malicious and that all I needed was compassion and acknowledgment. I asked him to show empathy for example, acknowledging that it was thoughtful I wanted my brother to enjoy the meal and instead, he kept yelling, mocking, and telling me anyone would be annoyed in his situation.
I tried to set boundaries and explain that being yelled at was not acceptable. I told him I would work on my part (repeating myself) but that he needed to work on speaking to me respectfully and kindly. He apologized at one point, but when I asked for a real, meaningful apology, he yelled at me and accused me of cutting him off.
Later, I confronted him directly, asking for a clear yes or no: would he give me accountability or not? I gave him multiple chances to respond over several minutes. When he refused, I told him that his behavior mocking, stonewalling, and laughing at me while I explained myself, is a form of emotional abuse. He laughed at me, mocked my explanation, and went on with his day as if nothing had happened.
I left the situation feeling angry, hurt, anxious, and exhausted. I know I did nothing wrong. I was calm, respectful, and advocating for myself but his reaction left me feeling unsafe emotionally. This is part of a long pattern of emotional abuse in our marriage, and it’s exhausting to keep defending myself and asking for accountability that never seems to come.
I just needed to vent and put this out somewhere because I feel completely alone in dealing with this.
2 comments
There is no excuse for abuse.
It does sound like your communication style might be difficult to deal with – constantly repeating yourself, demanding a different type of apology than the one you were given, asking him repeatedly to take accountability, etc. This sounds like a lot and I’d be annoyed if my husband spoke to me like this. That being said, you being annoying doesn’t give somebody the right to call you names and be abusive.
I think you both need to work on how you speak to each other and couples counseling could potentially help with your communication struggles.
I’m not sure what affirmation you are seeking from Reddit
No your husband shouldn’t yell at you ever
what you described was what I call “a dog with a bone”… woman let it go. You know you repeat yourself, you know it’s annoying… let it go