F40 husband M41 married 12 years with 2 small kids.
My spouse has always had issues with depression. When he gets into the dumps he is mean – I really can’t describe it any other way. It’s like anything I say “he what’s for dinner” is turned into “are you f’ing kidding me you go cook dinner. Figure it out”. To the next day me just cooking dinner “what the f are doing did you not see I bought groceries”
Anyways he’s really up and down when depressed. Drinks a ton (but hasn’t the past couple days and actually seems better). When he’s down he’s down. He is mean, his words cut, I can do the same thing 3 days in a row and be praised one day, criticized the next, and then flat out silent treatment for a week. We go through these ruts for usually less than a week and then things are fine.
This current rut has been going on several weeks. It all started with my toddler needs put to bed – it’s like a 40 min thing (which is fine I enjoy bed time) but after I’m kinda touched out and tired. My spouse also snores (this is me) like insane snores so my sleep sucks. Half the nights I go sleep on the sofa bc I just can’t sleep and I still hear him.
Anyways our relationship is so broken right. I’m so just – I’m 40. I don’t want to start over. I love our life. He’s basically stonewalled me for the past week with no communication other than snapping at me
Has anyone else dealt with this and things improved?