We've been dating on and off for 2 years. I have known him for years before that and am very much familiar with his past relationships. He always fell hard and was a very emotional person. He ended up getting hurt a lot. When we started dating he wasn't over his ex. Now he claims he is, but says he can't feel the butterflies again, can't have that euphoria and can't be making a fool out of himself.
He says he loves me, feels safe with me, feels better in this relationship than the previous one and sees a future with me that motivates him to do better.
I was in love with him at the beginning but I've definitely fallen out of it.
I don't feel passion, our sex is plain and boring, it's just a physical thing at this point. Sometimes I enjoy time with him but sometimes it just feels draining bevause I get bored sitting there knowing he'll never feel for me what he used to and we will never feel a spark, I'll never feel it with him again and he never felt it at all.
I'm losing will to do anything in this relationship. Don't wanna get dressed up, don't want to try better at sex ,all things I enjoyed previously
And with other partners, because I feel it's pointless – there's no spark and we're not in love.
I don't think we can work on getting it back because he never felt it in the first place, I just don't think he loves me that way even though I believe he does love me somehow. I don't think that can change 2 years in, I don't think he could fall in love with me now even if he was open to it but he even said he doesn't think it can happen at all.
I actually think he can, just not with me. I don't feel like continuing this even though I'm unsure if this is an immature way to think , I do have a problem with intensity – seeking in general. Feels kinda dumb to throw away someone who claims to love me and want to marry me, when I do love him, just because this doesn't fulfill my need for passion and intensity but I'm so unsatisfied with the lack of it and the effects that has on our sex life that I just don't know if I can move forward with this. But I kinda feel like I'll just go on looking for some crazy love that's gonna be probably toxic and untenable.
Feels offensive he could feel it for others but not me, yet expects me to devote the rest or my life to marriage and children with him.
I think this a compromise solution for him, where he feels safe and secure and enjoys that without risking it with someone he'd actually fall for and might get hurt. I don't think this is actual love for a woman. I've also been hurt but it didn't stop me from feeling the same again later. I don't want to be a consolation prize.
How would you interpret this in terms of feelings (I'm not sure I understand what kind of love that would be and what would be best for me in this situation? I do care for him but this feels somehow devaluing and humiliating