It sounds dramatic, but for some reason, the guys I’ve dated seem to have a high chance of not being able to finish during our first time having PIV sex. It often lasts over 30 minutes, and frequently ends without them finishing at all. I’m starting to wonder if this is a "me problem" or just strange luck.
I suspect a lot of it is related to poor masturbation habits (death grip, excessive edging, etc.), but here is the track record:
Ex 1: Had DE due to SSRIs. The sex was good, but I got minor abrasions or friction burn a few times because it went on for so long. I didn’t feel pain during sex, but I definitely noticed it when washing up later.
Ex 2: DGS guy. Had an orgasmic disorder which I’m pretty sure was caused by his masturbation style. Years later, he still can’t really finish from intercourse (only in specific positions without condoms, as he said) and seems have basically given up on PIV now.
Ex 3: Severe ADHD. He would get distracted during sex, stop, then start again from the beginning. Sessions would drag on for 30+ minutes.
To be honest, I’m not worried about Premature Ejaculation (PE). Usually, round two lasts longer anyway.
But I find DE much more troublesome. It causes physical issues (abrasions/soreness for me) and the emotional frustration of them not finishing is actually harder to soothe than if they finished too fast.
Some exes have commented that I didn't feel "tight" enough to give them enough stimulation. The thing is, I actually do know how to contract my pelvic floor muscles, but I never know the right timing. Plus, doing that consciously gives me the ick—it feels like I’m purely performing/people-pleasing just to get them off, rather than enjoying the moment.
The current issue:
I’m seeing someone new and we are about to sleep together for the first time. He also has ADHD and practices edging masturbation.More seriously, some anti-ADHD medication he takes causes orgasmic dysfunction, at least in my case (I also have ADHD).
I’m getting anxious that this is going to happen all over again.
BTW, I am the kind of person who enjoys penetrative sex and has very obvious vaginal pleasure, so I would still prefer him to have more piv sex with me, although I am not opposed to oral sex or other methods to bring him to orgasm.
Has anyone else experienced a streak like this? Is there anything I can do to help the situation without feeling like I’m forcing my body to perform?