I'm a female in my late twenties and used to be a very sexual person. It was a big part of how I explored myself and expressed myself and moved through the world. It was exploration, play, passion, fantasy, liberation – all of it. Sadly, in my current relationship the sex has been dying for the past few years, to the point where this year I think we've had sex maybe 2-3 times. We're in couples therapy and trying to work on this, among other issues. That's a separate issue and not what I'm seeking advice on.
My question is just this: I'm monogamous, so how can I try to awaken my sexual side and get in touch with that side of myself again, without having sex and/or relying on my partner? Every day I feel sad that I'm losing this part of myself – sex, sexuality, feeling sexy – the things that make me feel alive. It's been years since I've allowed myself to feel desirable. Self esteem is at an all time low. I feel like a shell of my former self. When I feel horny, those feelings can quickly turn into despair or rage and resentment towards my partner, not exactly feelings that are conducive to sex and yet… I'm still horny and sad. I masturbate a lot, read a lot of smutty fanfic, but those things just don't cut it sometimes. I don't see myself as a sexual person anymore, it's too painful. How can I start to reconnect with that side of myself without relying on having sex and/or my partner?
EDIT TO ADD: I'm also in individual therapy to work on my self esteem issues. Just trying to think of more practical things I can do.