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TL;DR: I (23M) am stuck living with my girlfriend in a very toxic relationship. She constantly degrades me, compares me to her ex, says hurtful things on purpose, and nothing I do is ever appreciated. I feel mentally exhausted and sometimes hopeless. I’ve developed a crush on a classmate because she treats me kindly, and it makes me realise how badly I want out.
I (23M) am in a very toxic relationship and at a very bad stage right now. We are living together and honestly it feels like walking on eggshells every day. Every tiny thing irritates her. When she gets angry, she compares me to her ex and straight up says she wants to hurt me mentally/emotionally, so she says things that will hurt me. It makes me feel miserable. It’s gotten so stressful that sometimes I feel like I just want to off myself because i don’t see any way out. Breaking things off feels impossible because I know how foul-mouthed she is. I’ve heard how badly she talks about her ex and everything she said he did. He used to hit her, and honestly, after seeing how she behaves now, I can see why things got so toxic between them (I am NEVER going to hit her, ever — but her words get under the skin in a way that’s hard to explain). She is so self-obsessed that if anyone she knows does even something slightly similar, she says they’re copying her. I don’t even want to type the whole list of things she does because it’s so long. I just want to feel loved and valued. I do so many things for her, but she never appreciates any of it. She always says I don’t do anything for her and makes me feel so less of a man through her words and actions. Because of wanting to feel loved so badly, I’ve started getting a crush on a female classmate I interact with regularly (only in class). Talking to her feels peaceful. She has a good face, good personality. I know it’s just a crush and I’m never going to act on it, but damn, I want out of this relationship and I want to be with someone who will actually love me and care for me.