TL;DR : So for some background my wife (25f) and I (27m) have had intimacy problems for quite a few years. We have been together seven years, and married for three. We hook up maybe once every couple of months. I try to initiate but often experience a mild form of rejection where she doesn’t reciprocate my attempts. I have also had many conversations with her about these things making me feel unwanted/unattractive. She generally states that she just isn’t a very touchy-feely person. She will sometimes be quite loving the first day or two after a difficult conversation, but that consistently drifts away after a couple days.
Now some context around finding the porn. Over the course of our relationship she has consistently stated she believes viewing porn is a form of cheating, and states that if I need to get off I should be able to do it with my imagination. I do very occasionally watch porn, but generally try to honor her viewpoint.
In the past couple months I had been feeling a little insecure and made the choice to glance at her phone about a month ago. I don’t normally do this, and I know it isn’t the right thing to do, but had a moment of weakness. Anyway, in her recently visited communities were multiple porn communities. I chose to do nothing about this as maybe there was some explanation. Then last night I checked again, and found the same communities. I checked the history, and it was cleared.
One last piece of context. She works from home, and I have a pretty demanding job that has me out in the field every weekday, so she spends most hours of the day at home alone.
Just looking for some advice. I’d really be ok with her viewing porn if she didn’t keep it a secret and hold me to a different standard. Also the fact that we rarely have sex. I’m not sure if I’ll get much out of posting here, just feeling a little lost.