Tldr recently married, wife's ex is being aggressive and my wife is extremely anxious about him turning up tomorrow to pick up the kids (I'm a stepdad)
Me M31 and my WIFE F27 got married on Wednesday 🎉🎉🎉 And we couldn't be happier but tonight as my wife was going to bed her ex boyfriend rang her 10 times and then left quite an aggressive voicemail.
For context my wife and her ex have twins aged 5, they spend 5 nights with us and then 3 nights with their Dad. But since day 1 he's been aggressive and has said some vile things to my partner about my existence.
It's never overly bothered me because I personally don't see the need for us to be friends. I've always been happy to be civil with him because at the end of the day he's the kids father and is always going to be a part of their lives and I respect that.
But for the past year everytime he's briefly seen me (not up close, like streets away) he's text my partner a load of abuse/ threats towards me and I've always just felt sorry for her. It's at a point where she's anxious when he calls and having to see him to pass over the kids causes her a lot of stress. Thankfully that's only when it lands on a weekend or school holiday but still, she doesn't deserve to feel this way.
This guy has also had a girlfriend for over a year now and still moans to my partner about her leaving him and now being with me. They broke up before the kids were born but tried and failed to make it work for the sake of the kids, which I respect.
I'm now in a predicament where personally I feel like my partner needs to voice to her Ex's girlfriend what's going on. Because there is no chance that this girl knows what her boyfriend is saying to his Ex and I feel that not telling her is disrespectful and unfair. It wouldn't be to hurt him or anything, I just feel like this girl is eventually going to find out what's been going on and then be mad that no one told her sooner.
Another thing that I would like to add is that although this guy is vile about me he is quite happy for me to watch the kids whilst my partner is working on days where he's meant to have them (I'm happy to have them)
The kids cry when they have to see him and complain that they aren't allowed to mention me whilst they're at their dads because he's told them "it upsets him." No child should have to filter their speech when at home.
Now we're in a situation where tomorrow is Saturday and my partner was meant to be dropping them off at his in the morning but now he's insisting that he comes to our home early in the morning after his night shift so that him and my partner can have a serious talk. I've had to go around and make sure everything is locked now because my partner is worried about him turning up. Unfortunately the kids being around doesn't stop him from raising his voice and saying aggressive words.
I'm a strong believer in mediation. He has a right to see his kids and I don't want to deny him that but he doesn't need to be in face to face contact with my partner if it's just going to be a loud and scary atmosphere for the kids. Last thing I want is them leaving scared. Ideally I want them to look forward to seeing their Dad and to feel safe and secure around him.
I don't know whether I'm after advice or just to be heard but any input would be appreciated. At what point should the police be involved?
Extra moaning point: He also hasn't paid child maintenance in over 12 months and has the cheek to ask my wife and occasionally me for money