Me and my bf are together for 1,5 years. We lived together for around 8 months and then transitioned to LDR.
Sorry in advance for a long text.
During the LDR, our relationship was kinda shit after first two months. He was often angry, snapping at me, and distant. Communication was reduced to quick, 5-minute phone calls at the end of his day, only after all his friends and activities were done. This lack of engagement led to the conflict. I mean he always choosing to hang out with friends instead of spending at least one night with me. even on his day off he would call me and in 5 minutes say he gotta go shower/eat/watch reels or somtehing else. Like literally anything. I was offended that i was the only one wanting to do something together (talk, watch smth, play games, ANYTHING)
Now this all led me to checking his followers (yeah insecurities too of course). Also the fact that he was alwyas critical about what i wear, the fact that i dont wear make up or cook wrong or clean wrong. One time, after noticing his usual following of models (which also makes me mad me but anyway) I saw that over a couple of days, he followed around 20 new, regular(!) women with private accounts. I immediately confronted him. Because how can you even find private accounts (later he admited he followed them from 'suggested' section)
He stonewalled me for several days, claiming he was "busy" and making me wait in distress. At the same time he was texting like nothing happened, updating me that he is eating or he is hanging outwith friends (WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR HIM TO ANSWER WHO THE FUCK ARE THOSE 20 WOMEN) When he finally spoke, he gave the first lie: "It was accidentally."
For the next month, every time I brought up the topic (because obviously I didn't believe the "accidentally"), he would get mad, claiming he "already explained everything."
When I finally broke up with him because i mean he can't even find a time to talk with me + this shit situation that i considered cheating , and you know, usually when you did not do something you are accused of you are running to prove them wrong, not avoiding it. So he begged for a call, begged for a chance claimed he loves me and im his biggest love. i called and he still tried to lie again, repeating the "accidentally, but I'm sorry, i don't know how it happened i did not cheat or anything" line. Only after repeated questioning, he admitted it was not accidental but still claimed he "didn't know why " he did it.
And this behaviour continued, sometimes I would find some girls and he would say he doesn't know how he followed them, this time it was more like 1-3 girls in a 1-3 days. And one of them actually for some reason blocked me, but bf doesn't follow her anymore .
Only last night, after FOUR months of trying to get more details, he finally made these contradictory admissions He admitted that he was overwhelmed by the seriousness of our relationship (money, responsibilities, being young) and wanted a break, but didn't tell me because he was afraid of losing me since he sees me as special and he loves me. Which would sound normal, considering his age, alright, but what the hell it has to do with cheating.
He admitted that he was sending requests to those girls because he was thinking to hook up with them when I asked like 26273 time why he chose regular girls and not porn or models. (I am still extremely confused about how being "overwhelmed by commitment" logically leads to seeking casual sex, but all he says he was confused about life and future???)
Then he said he blocked this feeling and he did not even text them, he just looked and that's it.
Also he thought about escort but he did not "use" it.
Also there is a thing of him hiding me in insta, like he would hide my tag outside the photo or not tag at all (if we go with friends, he would tag them), not even not posting me, but I'm telling you not even tagging. First he was giving me excuses like my profile looked embarrassing, or I dressed bad on that photo, last final excuse "I don't post my relationships". But here's the thing: he once posted our photo with his loving text, but now I'm sure it was hidden since when I asked him to just add it to his highlights, he refused ANGRILY and when he finally added, in 1 day he 'accidentally' deleted it. Now again after i asked the truth about those follows, he posted again story with our (as he said before bad) photos and his love text and refuses to put it to highlights cuz he doesn't post his relationship (but he already did no? If it's not hidden of course).
I mean I'm drained and feeling betrayed by couple facts. the fact that he was going to hookup(or did), I mean it's not just thinking, its acting on it, its almost cheating no? I mean even if he really did not cheat.
And the fact that it took me freaking 4 months to gather these pieces of truth. And due to that I am not sure he just followed them.. I mean if you really "clean" and did not do anything "illegal", you should be the one to beg me to talk about it and rip your ass off to make me trust you again.. but he.. he just was blaming me every time for bringing this topic up (howevr, it made sense, since every month i was finding out something new). (He is really active on insta, really active!)
additionally, when we reunited for a week on a holiday, he did not seem to be so desperate for sex, as for a person that did not have it in 6 months, and in the first night he brought up the topic about threesome (of course with woman), which i told him no about when we lived together year before. When he brought up threesome not only i was offedned by this fact but also since it was our first night together after long time..
tldr Bf lied me about his active following of girls on insta for 4 months, afterall he admitted he was thinking to hook up with them but he did not. Claims it was because he was overwhelmed with how serious our relationship is. But for 4 motths he was lying, and blaming me for bringing up this topic, since he is tired answering questions.
In meantime he constantly refuses not only to post our photo on insta (from our trips or activities), but even refuses to tag me, only tags others. Everytime i asked, i heard multiple different reasons to not do it.