How do you deal with relationships with shallow girlfriends?
November 19, 2025
Not sure if I’m being judgmental, but how many conversations can one have about clothes
24 comments
A lot. You can have a lot of shallow conversations that are fun. I dont always want to watch a deep, meaningful movie. Sometimes, I just want to relax and watch something mindless and fun. You can have friend group A and still enjoy friend group B.
Mine don’t talk about clothes, but they ONLY talk about their kids. We all have HS Seniors, so every single conversation is about college. Obviously, it’s a huge thing, and something definitely nice to bounce ideas around about, but that’s MY KID’S life, not mine. And their kids are all mega-top performers – like top 5 in the HS class. Mine is a more well-rounded, but top 1/3 of the class. So they are talking about elite schools and fancy scholarships and we’re all just happy for our kid to go to the main state school.
Honestly, I think we’ve just grown apart, so I try to avoid getting together with them regularly. I’ll go for a birthday dinner or whatever, but I’m not going out of my way to hang out. I just sit in the corner not being able to contribute to the conversation anyway and just feel awkward.
Don’t?
I once worked at an all-female office and tried to do the whole group friends/girl’s night/brunch thing, but I just couldn’t. So I ended up just phasing myself out of those things and eventually leaving the job.
Surely there’s a reason you befriended them in the first place that has nothing to do with conversations about clothes. Can’t you just engage with that instead?
I don’t think I have any, but I guess it really depends on what you find shallow?
I had a friend who would ONLY talk about boys, and only ever contact me to dump her boy problems on, otherwise I wouldn’t hear from her. I’m talking straight up 12 MINUTE voice note monologues with barely a single enquiry about my day or attempt at a normal reciprocal conversation. I brought it up with her and set my boundaries (i.e. please talk to me about anything other than boy drama). She acted the victim and ghosted me. Problem solved haha 🙂
Lol literally? Endless convos about clothes. I saw these heels that make your feet look like kitty cat paws the other day and I’m obsessed. Pinterest boarding as we speak for ways to style them.
I can also talk for hours about the state of friendship in the post-Covid, digital era. Where people are more connected than ever with online community, but still feel intense loneliness because they’re misunderstood in person. Lots of that comes from a fear of vulnerability. That closeness came more naturally when we had to be intentional about going out and talking to people instead of having instant messaging access.
[removed]
Shallow friendships usually fizzle out. It’s nice to shoot the shit but if a woman only has surface level stuff to talk about then I’m less invested.
Don’t stay friends with people whose company you don’t appreciate or enjoy. Or, understand that different people will have different facets to their personalities and you can either find some level to connect on, or accept that they’re just not a suitable match and move on.
I don’t usually. There are some women out there who do talk about other things like skills, events and world events etc with clothing as a rare sometimes thing, you just generally find them outside of the main group.
It does get better as you get older and having male friends can give break from the primping and preening for a bit.
I think it’s normal to have a lot of shallow conversations in relationships. The only time I’d see a problem with it is if you weren’t having any deep conversations at all.
Personally, I love it when my husband is willing to talk about things like makeup, fragrance, and nails with me. He actually shows interest in it too. I’m sure he feels the same when it comes to me talking about video games with him.
If you’re talking platonic relationships, then I feel the same applies. It’s perfectly normal to have those types of conversations with people you’re close to.
Many.
I married a tailor/fashion artist and we both do costuming as a hobby.
We can talk about clothes for hours and hours.
We look at Pinterest style boards together, and show each other cool clothes we found online CONSTANTLY.
There’s an incredible depth and breadth of knowledge about clothes. Trust me. Clothes are not shallow whatsoever.
About their construction, the history of the industry, their manufacturing, thr dye work and embroidery, historic techniques used today, and how global supply of materials affects what ends up on shelves. About how fashion influencers ACTUALLY move the needle, vs how magazines and TV used to.
Not to mention the designers inventing new techniques all the time, or layering old techniques in new ways to make SPECTACULAR new creations.
It’s incredible, and after years of talking at length on the topic, we still find new stuff to explore together.
Your question, to me, sounds just like;
“Ugh my gf is so shallow, she just wants to talk about computers. There’s just not much to talk about! How do you deal with it?”
If every conversation had a specific goal or an intended purpose with seriousness then life would become boring, stressful, and friendships would burn out. You need the “shallow” conversations to remind each other that you’re willingly with each other and enjoy each other’s company without having to directly state it.
I don’t have many female friends because of other reasons, but I wouldn’t call any of them shallow just because they don’t want to have serious meaningful conversations all the time. Being able to catch up and speak opinions about inconsequential things helps alleviate from the painful and annoying things we deal with; good friends will discuss those things in private if they feel safe to talk about the hard stuff.
I deal with them by knowing and letting them know I can talk about the other things if they need but that I’m not going to pressure them and I won’t force them to hear my issues if what they really need is a laugh.
I can relate – I’m an INFJ so I have trouble tolerating superficial conversations. For those types of friends, I usually try to schedule events that don’t require too much talking, like going to a concert.
Wouldn’t be friends with such people. I might as well befriend a wall for better conversation as far as I’m concerned.
My circle is very small. None of my girlfriends are shallow.
Even if it seems like something superficial or you can’t relate you should take interests in the things that bring your friends and loved ones joy. Everything is a blessing and can be special but if you choose to brush over what seems like small talk you’re going to lose that understanding for them
Learning that you don’t have to be friends with everyone you regularly interact with has been the most freeing discovery I’ve ever had.
Shallow conversations drain me. If I find that those kinds of interactions with others is all that I’m having, I’m not quick to label my relationship with them as a friendship. It’s okay to have acquaintances that fill the “I socialized today” box without putting the pressure or expectations of a friendship on them or yourself.
Shallow people tend to hang out with their kind. I’m not lonely or desperate enough to spend my time that way.
But sometimes you might be surprised how deep they are when you open up. The woman who cares for clothes and nails might just have experienced that no-one is interested in talking about more than that superficial stuff.
Of course – some people are just dumb. But don’t judge the book by the cover. Don’t worry to leave time wasters ether.
I don’t have relationships with people like that, I’m too old for that and life is too short!
[removed]
Why do you find conversations about clothes to be shallow? What is your preferred topic of conversation?
Skill issue if you can’t have a deep conversation about clothes.
do you mean girlfriend as in romantic partner or female friends?
24 comments
A lot. You can have a lot of shallow conversations that are fun. I dont always want to watch a deep, meaningful movie. Sometimes, I just want to relax and watch something mindless and fun. You can have friend group A and still enjoy friend group B.
Mine don’t talk about clothes, but they ONLY talk about their kids. We all have HS Seniors, so every single conversation is about college. Obviously, it’s a huge thing, and something definitely nice to bounce ideas around about, but that’s MY KID’S life, not mine. And their kids are all mega-top performers – like top 5 in the HS class. Mine is a more well-rounded, but top 1/3 of the class. So they are talking about elite schools and fancy scholarships and we’re all just happy for our kid to go to the main state school.
Honestly, I think we’ve just grown apart, so I try to avoid getting together with them regularly. I’ll go for a birthday dinner or whatever, but I’m not going out of my way to hang out. I just sit in the corner not being able to contribute to the conversation anyway and just feel awkward.
Don’t?
I once worked at an all-female office and tried to do the whole group friends/girl’s night/brunch thing, but I just couldn’t. So I ended up just phasing myself out of those things and eventually leaving the job.
Surely there’s a reason you befriended them in the first place that has nothing to do with conversations about clothes. Can’t you just engage with that instead?
I don’t think I have any, but I guess it really depends on what you find shallow?
I had a friend who would ONLY talk about boys, and only ever contact me to dump her boy problems on, otherwise I wouldn’t hear from her. I’m talking straight up 12 MINUTE voice note monologues with barely a single enquiry about my day or attempt at a normal reciprocal conversation. I brought it up with her and set my boundaries (i.e. please talk to me about anything other than boy drama). She acted the victim and ghosted me. Problem solved haha 🙂
Lol literally? Endless convos about clothes. I saw these heels that make your feet look like kitty cat paws the other day and I’m obsessed. Pinterest boarding as we speak for ways to style them.
I can also talk for hours about the state of friendship in the post-Covid, digital era. Where people are more connected than ever with online community, but still feel intense loneliness because they’re misunderstood in person. Lots of that comes from a fear of vulnerability. That closeness came more naturally when we had to be intentional about going out and talking to people instead of having instant messaging access.
[removed]
Shallow friendships usually fizzle out. It’s nice to shoot the shit but if a woman only has surface level stuff to talk about then I’m less invested.
Don’t stay friends with people whose company you don’t appreciate or enjoy. Or, understand that different people will have different facets to their personalities and you can either find some level to connect on, or accept that they’re just not a suitable match and move on.
I don’t usually. There are some women out there who do talk about other things like skills, events and world events etc with clothing as a rare sometimes thing, you just generally find them outside of the main group.
It does get better as you get older and having male friends can give break from the primping and preening for a bit.
I think it’s normal to have a lot of shallow conversations in relationships. The only time I’d see a problem with it is if you weren’t having any deep conversations at all.
Personally, I love it when my husband is willing to talk about things like makeup, fragrance, and nails with me. He actually shows interest in it too. I’m sure he feels the same when it comes to me talking about video games with him.
If you’re talking platonic relationships, then I feel the same applies. It’s perfectly normal to have those types of conversations with people you’re close to.
Many.
I married a tailor/fashion artist and we both do costuming as a hobby.
We can talk about clothes for hours and hours.
We look at Pinterest style boards together, and show each other cool clothes we found online CONSTANTLY.
There’s an incredible depth and breadth of knowledge about clothes. Trust me. Clothes are not shallow whatsoever.
About their construction, the history of the industry, their manufacturing, thr dye work and embroidery, historic techniques used today, and how global supply of materials affects what ends up on shelves. About how fashion influencers ACTUALLY move the needle, vs how magazines and TV used to.
Not to mention the designers inventing new techniques all the time, or layering old techniques in new ways to make SPECTACULAR new creations.
It’s incredible, and after years of talking at length on the topic, we still find new stuff to explore together.
Your question, to me, sounds just like;
“Ugh my gf is so shallow, she just wants to talk about computers. There’s just not much to talk about! How do you deal with it?”
If every conversation had a specific goal or an intended purpose with seriousness then life would become boring, stressful, and friendships would burn out. You need the “shallow” conversations to remind each other that you’re willingly with each other and enjoy each other’s company without having to directly state it.
I don’t have many female friends because of other reasons, but I wouldn’t call any of them shallow just because they don’t want to have serious meaningful conversations all the time. Being able to catch up and speak opinions about inconsequential things helps alleviate from the painful and annoying things we deal with; good friends will discuss those things in private if they feel safe to talk about the hard stuff.
I deal with them by knowing and letting them know I can talk about the other things if they need but that I’m not going to pressure them and I won’t force them to hear my issues if what they really need is a laugh.
I can relate – I’m an INFJ so I have trouble tolerating superficial conversations. For those types of friends, I usually try to schedule events that don’t require too much talking, like going to a concert.
Wouldn’t be friends with such people. I might as well befriend a wall for better conversation as far as I’m concerned.
My circle is very small. None of my girlfriends are shallow.
Even if it seems like something superficial or you can’t relate you should take interests in the things that bring your friends and loved ones joy. Everything is a blessing and can be special but if you choose to brush over what seems like small talk you’re going to lose that understanding for them
Learning that you don’t have to be friends with everyone you regularly interact with has been the most freeing discovery I’ve ever had.
Shallow conversations drain me. If I find that those kinds of interactions with others is all that I’m having, I’m not quick to label my relationship with them as a friendship. It’s okay to have acquaintances that fill the “I socialized today” box without putting the pressure or expectations of a friendship on them or yourself.
Shallow people tend to hang out with their kind. I’m not lonely or desperate enough to spend my time that way.
But sometimes you might be surprised how deep they are when you open up. The woman who cares for clothes and nails might just have experienced that no-one is interested in talking about more than that superficial stuff.
Of course – some people are just dumb. But don’t judge the book by the cover. Don’t worry to leave time wasters ether.
I don’t have relationships with people like that, I’m too old for that and life is too short!
[removed]
Why do you find conversations about clothes to be shallow? What is your preferred topic of conversation?
Skill issue if you can’t have a deep conversation about clothes.
do you mean girlfriend as in romantic partner or female friends?